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am I married just to be married?

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February 19th, 2006, 10:09 PM
MnKelly77's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: MN
Posts: 4,998
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seriosly though...we don't tell each other we love each other anymore, not even on Valentines day. I got him a card, but where I used to be all about mushy cards.. I can't even bring myself to get a mushy card, because all the things that it says in there would be lies. and he didn't get me a card at all. I feel like I'm not getting any satisfaction (not just sexually) emotionally and in any all all aspects.. other than my beautiful baby boy.. I don't want to say anything to him, because I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I don't want to be married just to be married, KWIM? Its frustrating and this is not how I pictured it being.. I don;t know if I'm in love? I can't tell. Of course when I pictured my life, I pictured it perfect which I know is not possible? but it should come half way close shouldn't it? argh.. I don't know... am I expecting too much?

Thank you aprilmiracle for a BEAUTIFUL siggy!!!

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February 19th, 2006, 10:55 PM
Posts: n/a
Oh girl! let me give you to start with.

I heard Dr. Phil has a new book called "Love Smart" which includes changing the one you got... I haven't read it but maybe a book or two can help give you some direction on where, what, why and how it's gotten to be like this? I don't know if that helps but there are lots of smarter ladies here that will post great responses to help you out!

Take care and keep us posted.
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February 20th, 2006, 03:02 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: VA
Posts: 3,621
I know what you are feeling, but I assure you that if it is something that you want to work out you can. My mom could hardly stand to LOOK at my dad for about five years when I was a young child. I was never aware that there were issues between them thankfully, but she tells me now about what horrible struggles they went through. They worked through them and she really tried to focus on what she loved about him in the first place. When he was nasty to her, she saw him as a wounded little boy and would not lash back, but rather she would try to approach him in a way that would hopefully be healing to him. She did not act like a broken down puppy though, she still remained strong and true to her convictions. They now have an extremely strong and loving relationship that they wouldn't trade for the world. I have found myself in the same situation, where I will go a span of time and I only see the bad and there is no fire or even so much of a spark between my DH and I. Then I remember what my mom said and instead of getting angry with him and lashing out, or ignoring him I try to do things for him that will make him feel better. Things that will help him heal. I know that you feel pain and anguish being in this situation, but as much as you might not believe it, he probably feels it too. Just try to communicate with him how you feel, and also try to see the things in him that you once loved.

I have no ideas about the details of your relationship, so this advice may be completely irrelevant, but I hope that it will help you find some joy in your relationship again. Best of luck to you! I know you can find happiness again.

Thank you leecat for an AWESOME siggy!
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February 22nd, 2006, 03:26 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
I think that you really need some time to sort out your feelings. You need to talk to your DH and really open up to him about how you feel. Try counseling. Try having a special date night or something once a week. If you have completely given up, then tell him it is time for you to move on. There are times in all marriages that you have rough times and you wonder why in the world am I with him. I think sorting out your feelings and talking with someone would really help you out.
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