Log In Sign Up

Your SO and being Pregnant.FML

Forum: The Venting Room


Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to [email protected].

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To The Venting Room LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
July 1st, 2009, 09:13 AM
Kimberleigh22's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
Posts: 620
Ok so another little vent from me, I don't know if I have done any venting on this board yet or not..I can't for the life of me remember.

But I need to vent now...I am currently 21w preggers and am having the hardest time with me SO. Granted it's not all the time, but some of the time. He's a first time father, but I have 2 kids from a previous. I understand that this is all new to him, I get that, fine. But the upsetting part for me is the fact that he still thinks he can do what he wants, when he wants. He is in the frame of mind that he wants to go out and party and drink and other stuff now, before he can't. But I'm sorry, I understand that this was a little unexpected, but honestly I gave it all up the minute I found out I was pregnant. I had to.
Being pregnant, your on this emotional roller coaster you just can't control. Trying to get him to understand how and what I feel, is the hardest thing in the world. And when I try and talk to him about it, he tells me I am picking a fight with him and it's pushing him away. He says he loves me and my boys and our soon to be son, but he just needs time to "adjust". ***
The little things just push me over the edge and then he tells me he doesn't understand why I get upset and I should just stop it. Calls me crazy, and spoiled and I'm sure some other choice words he won't say to my face but to his friends.
Granted, he is not always like this, but lately, I'm at a loss for what to do and say. We haven't moved in together because he needs to finish remodeling his place, so I'm pretty much doing the pregnancy thing again, alone, for the third time, except for the choice days he decides to spend with me. I get he's stressed too, working and then coming home and working on his house and all, but when does he get to experience this with me? Once the baby finally comes???

Reply With Quote
July 1st, 2009, 09:27 AM
Mom.to.PinknBlue's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Lame-o Illinois
Posts: 12,234

I really have no advice, but can give you a nice big hug!
Amelia: Wife to Ryan, Mama to Harleigh, with a boy on the way
Reply With Quote
July 1st, 2009, 06:07 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
(((HUGS))) Sounds like you both need to really sit down and have a heart to heart.
Reply With Quote
July 3rd, 2009, 11:00 AM
LisaB's Avatar Mom to twins + 1
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Carmel, CA
Posts: 5,872
Send a message via Yahoo to LisaB
Wow what a tough situation... hugs! Since you say this pgcy was unexpected, I think maybe he needs extra time to adjust. It sucks that women have no choice, we have to adjust no matter what, and we give up a lot more in life than just drinking/smoking - it's a whole lifestyle change for us, not to mention giving up our old figures. At least temporarily, but most of the time, there are permanent changes. Our hormones go all out of whack making it all the more difficult to have a sane conversation. He should expect that you can & will be "crazy" around now, it happens to all of us! But to call you crazy is just plain hurtful & not helpful at all. I'm sure he is just trying to wrap his mind around all of this. The only advice I can give is maybe just be patient, hang back & give him time, which I know is very rational advice & as a pregnant woman, you are not prone to be rational these days. So, just hugs! I hope he comes around soon! For me & my husband, things were ok before the babies came (I had twins), but after was very, very stressful. And IS very stressful. A singleton should be a lot easier, but my point is, you might want to consider making it clear to him exactly how you will need his support once the baby comes - alternating nights for baby care, splitting chores, etc. My husband agreed to make all meals & do all dishes, take out the garbage, etc. We decided to hire someone to do gardening, which was his old job, freeing him up to spend more time with the kids. He also agreed to only golf once/week, which for him is a cut back, though more than most men. I try not to let the comments get to me (people tell me, "How come you let him golf so much??") and stick to our plan, which makes him a happier person overall. Life is a compromise. I'm not much of an example, we certainly have our own problems these days & it makes me crazy that men simply don't get how much we do, but one thing I do know is that my DH loves our kids, even though our parenting techniques are very different. If your boyfriend continues to go out & party, and you think this will continue after the baby comes, then that is a serious issue in my mind. Good luck & congrats on the baby!!

Me: Lisa, Mommy to twins +1
8/5/08 Beautiful twin girls Leigh and Lucy born after 4-year struggle with RPL & 6 losses
12/10/09 Surprise! Baby #3 is on the way, EDD 6/22/10

12/29/09 2nd ultrasound - joining team blue

6/16/10 Baby Ben is born!

Reply With Quote
July 5th, 2009, 04:33 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: cny
Posts: 3,230
my hubby was kinda like that... untill i got SUPPER PISSED one night when he went & played cards & i woke up at midnight & he still wan't home,,,

I called him up B***ING then all heck broke loose when i got a message that my brother was arrested & I went up one side of him & down the other... EVEN HARDER... we then came to the comp... If you wanna see your friends find BUT to be home at x time....TO KEEP US BOTH HAPPY

There will be no time soon that he plays cards again exspecally now that we have his kid living here,, & the new baby is born...

So whatever time we do get together alone will be the two of us together going somewhere...

Then once when we had a scare with the pregancy HE REALLY streightened up...

It's kinda a ruff thing also b/c you guys aren't married/ and not living together

I do wish you luck,,,, & i hope he comes around soon for you

Reply With Quote
July 10th, 2009, 10:49 AM
Kimberleigh22's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
Posts: 620
Thank you girls very much for the advice.

All hell broke loose on us this 4th of July, (major issue with the drinking happened, not to mention seeing some lovely texts from girls that keep calling). Ultimately, we did sit down and have a LOOOOONNNNG conversation about things and I think, THINK I got my point accross to him. This whole week so far has been really good. So I am hoping that things chill out from here on out....ohhh but we will see.

My SO seems to be broken...anyone want to trade?! LoL

Reply With Quote

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:03 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0