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Just need to get this out..

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March 6th, 2006, 01:45 PM
MommytoZoeAlyssa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: KY
Posts: 6,027
So.. I have been holding in all these thoughts/feelings for sometime now. Mostly because i dont have anyone i want or feel i can share them with. So here I go. I am engaged to the most wonderful man in most aspects... Our daughter will be 1 month old tommorow.. At first while i was still in the hospital i thought he was going to be a great dad.. we get home the first couple of days go pretty good other then him not getting up at night. But I didnt say anything. Well days went by and it didnt get any better. The baby usually spends 2 nights with my mom during the week cuz she lives an hour away and thats the only time she see's the baby. Well when the baby isnt home everything is perfect and he is in a good mood and things couldnt be better. The second we get the baby his mood goes down.. I mean i am having a hard time myself with the baby i love her so much. but i was on deppression meds before i got pregnant because of other things with my ex husband.. Anyway.. To make a long story straight the past 2 weeks we have got in big fights over the baby and him not helping me and he tells me i need to tell him what to do.. So i do and he looks at me like he dont want to and he acts like he doesnt even like our baby. It breaks my heart to see the way he looks at her.. Like she is just some baby.. I look at her with loving eyes and talk to her and play with her and feed and diaper her all the time. I cry about it and he tells me when she gets bigger it will be different and he will help me more that she is just to small right now and he dont know what to do.. How is he ever going to know what to do if he dont learn now.. When i ask him to feed her he sits her in her chair and tries to prop her bottle up.. grr.. i mean its just one feeding so i can have a break.. Or when i go to take a shower or come up stiars to use the computer he acts like i have ask him for the moon or something. Just some alone time.. Its not asking that much. I just dont know what to do. I talked to my mom once about it and she just goes on and on and makes me feel even worse.. I dont want our daughter to feel like her daddy doesnt love her.. I dont know what to do to make him help me or connect with her. Everything else in our relationship is perfect he treats me very good other then this which is so strange. I mean sometimes at night i get so freaking tired and i nod off while feeding her but yet he never offers to stay up with her or anything.. Has anyone else ever had this problem or have any suggestions.. I dont want our relationship to get ruined because he is being a weirdo about being a dad..
To add to all the stress.. We live with his parents.. he lost his job last week... he has an interview for another job wed. I dont have a job but im looking.. I just dont know what to do anymore. I feel like crawling in a hole and dying some days.. I mean even a your such a good mom thank you for taking such good care of our daughter would be nice. I mean i feel like supermom and its driving me crazy and running my body down. I mean i am to the point i want a job just to have some time away from the baby. Then that makes me feel guilty and i feel like a horrible mom for even thinking that.. =(
Any suggestions would be much appreciated..

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March 7th, 2006, 05:45 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
I think on one of those nights when you mom has the baby, you REALLY need to sit down with him and have a good ol' heart to heart and find out what is eating at him. You need to make sure that you are able to stay calm and rationale while doing this, no yelling and try to avoid crying, hard I know. Write down your thoughts and give it to him and tell him that you want to talk about it. Give him the chance to write you back even if he is able to communicate better to you that way and then talk about your letters. You just really need to talk to him and find out why he is scared of the baby being around.
I hope you can get some answers soon so you guys can have the life that you all deserve as a happy family! Let us know who things go.
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March 8th, 2006, 03:49 PM
MommytoZoeAlyssa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: KY
Posts: 6,027
Well.. I talked to him again yesterday afternoon.. I didnt think he was paying attention again or if he even cared so i told him i didnt feel like talking about it.. To my suprise last night he held zoe and even fed her. While he was feeding her and actually talked to her and held her little hands.. ahh.. it melted my heart.. Its a start and it made me so amazingly happy..
If it can just continue everything will be soo great!

thanks for replying

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March 8th, 2006, 04:38 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
I am so glad to hear that you talked to him and that he listened to you!! That is so wonderful to hear!!! Hope things continue down this path!
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March 8th, 2006, 11:51 PM
Ghost's Avatar Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Vancouver B.C
Posts: 20
He may still come around, Some people (men!) take longer to get used to new situations. Hope it all goes well.
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March 9th, 2006, 03:51 PM
Posts: n/a
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