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Not Sure What To Do Anymore

Forum: The Venting Room


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July 21st, 2009, 05:50 PM
Join Date: May 2009
Location: British Columbia.
Posts: 48
I've got a lot of venting to do, just to let you know . Hopefully you ladies understand.

Lately, I've been feeling like I do it all. I do everything with the baby, everything around the house and even weight on him if I can. I ask him to give her a bath and he says he just wants to sit down, his back is sore so he doesn't want to lean over the tub. But ya know, if my back was sore or I had a friggen broken leg, I sure as heck wouldn't be able to sit down! I never get a break! My baby is strictly breast fed, with obviously her baby food and rice cereal, but she refuses to take a bottle so I take her everywhere with me. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my daughter more than life, but he doesn't understand that he gets a break. He can go out whenever he want and not have to worry about if he has enough diapers or if he has a change of clothes. I asked her to feed her the other day and he said ok, so I waited, I made the rice cereal for him, cuz he has no idea how much to do, and he took so long that I ended up feeding her myself.
Life revolves around his time frain. When HE'S ready to do ****. If he's not ready to go out, we wait, if he's busy doing something else she has to wait. He doesn't get that she HAS to come first, that he can't wait until he's **** well ready to feed her. I love him but I'm not sure what to do anymore. We went out yesterday cuz we had no friggen bread in the house and we needed a couple other things. He was on Facebook playing FarmTown and I said are you ready? He's like give me a couple minutes. So I let him sit for a bit, then I got the diaper bag ready then put her in her car seat. I sat on the couch with her in her carseat and she was getting pissy and he still sat there to finish his game. I ended up having to take her out and feed her because he took so long. Then while we were in the car he said "I know you're stuck in the house all day, but that doesn't mean I want to go out when I get home". I was like uhhh. We needed ****! That was the only reason why we needed to go out. I couldn't believe he said that to me. He always talks about how I'm on the computer when he's home. I'm not ever on for long because he NEVER gets up and goes to her when she starts getting fussy/bored.
I'm getting frustrated. He never does anything for me. Unless it's an occasion. I got breakfast in bed on mother's day. Which I appreciated but he doesn't do ANYTHING and any other time. The last time I got flowers I was in the hospital recovering from a c-section. Now I'm not saying I want flowers every day he comes home, but frig, every once in a while as a complete surprise for no particular reason would be nice. Something to show he actually does think about me.
We got home from picking up our stuff, and he made supper cuz she was hungry or else I would have. He sat down to eat, I obviously could not cuz she was feeding. Well, after the one side she gets rice cereal. He continued to sit there and eat while I fed her. He didn't even offer to feed her so I could actually eat while it was still steaming for once. I was so mad. He then, as I was feeding her on the other side, went up for seconds and said "Is what you got going to be enough or should I save you some?" I was like I don't know I haven't been able to touch what I have!
And I HAVE talked to him about it but it's like he doesn't care. This is clearly my lot in life. I'm so frustrated I don't know what to do. All I want to do is cry.

Thanks for letting me vent ladies. There's more but she's starting to cry and I have supper on the go.

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July 22nd, 2009, 01:20 PM
WashburnWifey's Avatar Super Duper Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 74
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I remember those days... like they were yesterday. With my ex husband and my son's father, after I had my son our relationship went to crap... he wanted to have a child and then had nothing to do with me or his son.. just left and went and did as he pleased and made hisself happy and left us behind... turns out we ended up in a divorce that wasn't easy at all and now I am remarried to a wonderful guy, that is in Iraq but still has more to do with me and my son than my ex ever did. It sucks that you are going through a rough time.. I really hope it gets better for you. Best of luck...

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July 23rd, 2009, 04:41 PM
FaerieT's Avatar Teresa~a Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Royal Kunia
Posts: 664
HUGS to you mama...i know where you're coming from as i'm in almost the same exact situation.

i've mention the D word to him so many time and tell him i'm serious about it, he takes it as a joke since i haven't gone and gotten the process started...yet.

don't know what else to say but that i feel for you and hope things will work out positively for you. good luck!

...............................Thank You I:Makerinces for my siggie!................................

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July 24th, 2009, 08:41 AM
sunshine411's Avatar Let's go MAVS!!!!
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Where everything is bigger....
Posts: 5,894
Hes not doing anything to help because he doesnt have to. You do it because you say he wont. Then why is he there? He continued to play his computer game and not go to the store because you let him. Why didnt you just leave and go yourself? Why are you making dinner for him? Let him make his own dinner and do his own laundry and everything else for himself. When he realizes it and asks why, tell him. Tell him he is a grown man and you are not his mother. You are however mother to his daughter and she needs your care, and since he isnt helping with that, you dont have time to wait on him hand and foot. Sorry.

Ok so I sound harsh, but Im assuming you have talked to him about all this and not just let it go on and be mad inside without saying anything. I dont understand why you would let him treat you that way. When you got done nursing your daughter, why didnt you ask him to finish feeding the baby so you could eat. Or better yet, maybe come up with a plan ahead of time. Say "hey you eat real quick, and I'll nurse her, then when she is through will you finish feeding her so I can eat" Maybe if it was planned ahead, he would be more willing. (although in my opinion you shouldnt have to ask him, but i guess with some guys you do) If hes not, then I would do like I said earlier and not bother making dinner for him. Let him take care of himself, since that seems to be who he is most worried about.

He wont change if you keep letting him do what he has always done. Ive been there and I can tell you that all you are doing is enabling him to continue being lazy and only think of himself by just doing things for him because he wont. Maybe after the dishes and his laundry pile up he'll start to get it.

I hope he realizes soon and you get a much needed break. GL.
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July 24th, 2009, 10:02 AM
Kimberley17's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 162
I completely agree with Sunshine! I was going through a similar situation with my husband after our son came. I would constantly ask him to step up and help and he'd always have an excuse or say he needed time for himself. Like I ever get time for myself. My son is my world and I don't mind doing everything for him but I need help with household chores. I also work full time. Anyway, after many fights I decided to try talking to him when I wasn't mad. I told him how unhappy I was and why did I need him? I was doing it all on my own! We came up with an idea of me writing down what I wanted him to do (ie: empty dishwasher, laundry, etc) and so far it has worked. I should mention at first he wouldn't do what was on the list by saying he didn't get to it and we'd fight more. I eventually told him if things didn't change he would have to leave and we would separate because I was not happy. Things have been better! I wish you luck!
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August 2nd, 2009, 08:10 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
(((HUGS)))) I agree with sunshine as well!
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