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September 22nd, 2009, 05:29 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 932
I just need to vent..

SO and I have been together for almost 2yrs now and we are planning on getting married in aug next year..BUT i just dont understand him.
He works the rigs...which takes him out of town for 2w-4weeks at a time and then he is home for a week. You get used to it and all that but what bugs me is when he comes home... he has to go see all his friends and go to his moms and hangs out there ...which is all great...but he leaves us at home...we have been waiting to see him for the whole time and its like they are all more important.
Now we just moved away from the town he grew up..I love his mom to death, but he thinks she needs everything done for her all the time ( she works 2 jobs and had 3other kids 20 and up) I dont have a problem with him helping anyone..but it feels like he takes it as his responsiblity instead of asking his brothers to do it..they live 10mins away and dont leave for work. It wouldnt bug me so much if the stuff at OUR house that need to be done got done..but I do them while he's gone because i know if i leave them they wont get done unless I nag.
Another thing that bugs me about him is that if there is something important or plans to be made...Im the last to know and he just brings me along...doesnt ask hey can so and so come over or is it ok if we go here..its more like by the way so and so will be here in like 5mins or we have to be at moms in 10mins..jeez thanks..what if I had plans?... he is getting better because we talk about that ALL the time. But its like it goes in one ear and out the other.

His mom has told me that since he has been with me he has changed alot..in a good way..he used to get drunk everynight...the last time he got loaded we went to his brothers and he got sick..lol...i guess that is good..and she says he has gained alot more responsiblity and she can see him actually maturing..thats great..but do i have to turn grey and play mommy for him to do it? I HATE nagging him, but that seems like the only way to curb some of the things he does.
Sorry I had to vent to someone...SO is 6hrs away for the next 10days and I hate getting mad on the phone..because it makes me feel like crap! Thanks for listening.

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September 28th, 2009, 04:41 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
(((HUGS))) Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. He is being rather selfish in his actions towards you and the family! Your not his mommy! What if when he comes home, since you know he going to take off and run around anyone, put the shoe on the other foot, before he gets home, be gone. See if maybe he will get the point when your not there. He may have matured in some of his actions according to his mom, but not in his treatment of you. I think you need to sit him down and have a real heart to heart with him. If that is something that you can not do, what about writing him an email or a letter.
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October 1st, 2009, 04:50 PM
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Southern California
Posts: 389
Sorry, just popping in here, and I know your are just venting, but having been married for 14 years I can tell you a few things. He is selfish and you are playing the child/parent relationship which will only leaving you to resenting him in a few years. I gurantee it. As long as you continue to do everything, he will let you. If he is not excited to come home and see you and would rather go visit his friends, that should send off a red flag. He should be exicted to be home to see his little girl.

Also if he isn't pulling his weight aruond the house and helping with the raising of your daughter, you will be loosing all respect for him and will only hold anger towards him in the end.

Not sure how long you have been with him, but I would re-thinking getting married and to be very respectful of your MCs, are you really thinking that brining another baby into this relationship is a good thing? Is this something he wants as well? If he is gone all the time over at friends' house "hanging out", is he really mature enough to be a father?

I wish you all the best and hope you are able to talk things through with him.
Nicole ~ Mom to one crazy little girl ANNA!
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