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OT: Vent, friend living with us and taking complete advantage X POSTED

Forum: The Venting Room


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December 12th, 2009, 05:42 PM
Indymommy7's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Indiana
Posts: 2,033
This is a really sad thing for me because she was my only 'real' friend since moving up North.

Well, so I thought but learned wrong.

Ok, so she got evicted from her home (her fault I found out later on because of her spending sprees, and a combo of her estranged dh's drinking) with her three kids, ages 11,2.5, and 6 months.

I am now pregnant with my 6th and my home is not exactly big but I made room for them since they had nowhere to go. All the shelters are full that are not in bad neighborhoods and I just did not want her and the kids out in the cold. Her estranged dh lives with his mother who wants nothing to do with them so I took them in. Her sister does not want them there and her mom lives out of state and one of her 'baby daddy' would pursue kidnapping charges if she left the state.

So, this is what's going on. At first, it was great. We had fun just hanging out and being able to talk. Two months later, I am ready to beat the living crap out of her and her two older brats. In the two months time, I have only recieved 65 in cash from her and 15 dollars she put in the gas tank one day,yet, she goes out for hours shopping and takes her kids out to eat yet, still comes home and eats our food. She has managed to tear up our yard driving through the grass during the wet weather , her 11 year old son has broken three different things in our home, all of which she has never replaced but only made excuses like 'You need stronger curtain rods' after he knocked down our curtains, denied it when he broke my daugther's hair straightener 'my son would admit to breaking that' and my 2.5 year old epileptic daughter had a therapy ball her son popped which she promised to replace but did not. Her excuse 'YOU can buy one at any sporting good store'.

Her 2.5 year old dd has cussed me out numerous times, favorite thing to call me is an ***** b$%^& and she just says 'She heard your teenage son say it before'. So she makes excuses for her there.
She buliies my epileptic 2.5 yo dd all the time, has kicked her while wearing boots nd good old mommy will just say 'Now honey we don't do that, give me a hug' but if my little girl fights back or dh and I try to correct her, she gets pissed and says it's not our right.

She sleeps in my daughter's room and will let her baby and the other brat cry for hours, but when my girls get up and get ready for school, she yells at them for making too much noise. She b/f's but has NO modesty and will let it all hang out, no matter who is around and will go two weeks at a time without showering and smells so bad I have to plug my nose. So, one day, nice girl Wendy had enough and I confronted her with it all. This was after I asked nicely for some money as my dh's hours at work were cut back severely and she made the lame excuse that her card was too beat up to use anywhere, yet she was able to go out to eat?

Her responses to her son's breaking htings is listed above but what pissed me off beyond belief was when I got on her about not paying me she said 'WHat do you expect me to support your family'? I then completely lost it, so bad I had to sit on my couch with contractions and yelled to her 'BUT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO SUPPORT YOUR FAMILY'? She went with her sister for the weekened but her sister mailed me and said she could not stay.

Oh, a nice little footnote to add is that she is like a couple weeks pregnant (a result of her one night with her supposedly abusive husband) and I know she did it to outstage me because every ache and pain of pregnancy I mentioned, she would say how her pregnancies were ten times worse and whenever she went with me to my u/s's, she would ask the u/s tech stupid *** questions like 'Can you get pg on the pill' and when I go for NST's, she always asks if I tell this one nurse she knows that she's pg too. She also tries to say she's having the same aches and pains I am at 9 months at her 1 month.I hate her for it.

Lastly, she is a religious zealout (I am all for God, but not for shoving relgion down ppl's throats) and told my 12 yo ds she was doing us the favor ebing here because God sent her here on a mission to teach US the rigth way, LOL. She owns several Tiffanie lamps and other htings of alot of monetary value, yet lives the way she does?

I guess the question is, will I be an awful person if I don't let her back into my home and they have nowhere to go? I just can't take much more of this but I don't want to put people to the streets.

Sorry so long but I am seething right now! __________________
Wendy, wife to Tony

Mother to Chad 15, Alexa 14, Jeremiah 12, Madelyn 9, Korinne 2 and baby Skylar due 1/5/10
Wendy, wife to Tony

Mother to Chad 19, Alexa 18, Jeremiah 16, Madelyn 13, Korinne 6, Sky 3, and introducing baby Linden 1/17/12

Thanks for the beautiful siggy
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December 14th, 2009, 01:15 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: NE Arkansas
Posts: 5,190
Wendy, This is just my opinion, but you have been more than generous. It sounds like she has overstayed her welcome. If she can afford to go out and eat, then she can afford to go and find a place to live. And she needs to take responsibility for her children, not just a little pat on the hand either. I'm not saying outright abuse or anything, I'm just saying a bit more punishment than what she is doing. You do not go to someone's house and completely disrespect them. And from what you have said, that is exactly what she is doing.

You are NOT her keeper! You are NOT responsible for her. It sounds like you have given her time to find a place to stay and she has not even tried to find one. You have your own family to think of first and foremost. Not hers. From the sound of it, she is very much taking advantage of you, treating you like a doormat. Friends do not do that to one another.

Personally, I would give her ONE week to find a place to live and stick with it and let her know that under NO circumstances will you budge on it. She either finds a place of her own or she sleeps in her vehicle, hotel or some other place.

Sorry to come across so cold and unfeeling, but I can not stand someone being taken advantage of. And that is exactly what she is doing. GL hun and be ready for the guilt trip, I figure she will try to pull one on you. (((((((((((hugs)))))))
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December 14th, 2009, 03:04 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 2,090
I would give her one week as well. Say she has overstayed her welcome, and if she can not even get off her butt to be self sufficient, then someone else can deal with her because you are not her mother nor her keeper. Bullying your epileptic child would be enough for me to kick her entire family out the same day.

Just my opinion though.
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December 15th, 2009, 09:46 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 567
If there is any way on earth you can afford it, I'd pay for 1 week in and effeciancy at a hotel for her and consider yourself having more than having done your part in helping someone. Two months is plenty of time for her to have saved up money, especially since she wasn't paying her way with you guys!, and be able to pay rent and deposit on a place. She could have put in for low income housing and probably gotten in somewhere in that time. I've lived in it before and no it's not great but it's what you have to do sometimes.

I don't know that I would allow her back into your house because of the possible danger to your kids. Maybe you could make up a list of info on local low income housing contacts, shelters, etc to give her when you offer her the week in the hotel. It's up to her to do the rest and take care of her family. I don't think I'd ever have anything at all to do with her again after the last few months though.
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December 16th, 2009, 10:16 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
I think from the sounds of things you and your family have been more than generous to her!! No way would I be letting her back in without the understanding that she has to be out in "X" amount of days. What has happened since you last posted??
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December 21st, 2009, 04:44 PM
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Southern California
Posts: 389
And she is pregnant again! She has just shown she doesn't even respect the children she has because she can't afford a roof over their heads but has just allowed herself to bring into the world another mouth to feed and house. And got preganant by an alcoholic who is living it up under momma's roof and not taking care of the kids he already has and he and his momma would allow them to live on the street! These is NOT a responsible people. You are only enabling her by allowing them to live in your house for free. She has no reason to be self reliant if you allow her to live there. You are doing her a favor by making her step up and be responsible. It is your duty to kick her out. It's the only way she will step up and take care of those children.
Nicole ~ Mom to one crazy little girl ANNA!
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December 24th, 2009, 09:28 AM
Max n Meghan's Mom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Gainesville, Florida
Posts: 3,607
You have done more than enough, now it's time to do what's best for your family. You cannot continue to support her and her children (while she makes no effort to support them herself) at risk to your own family.

Thank you for my beautiful siggy, *Kiliki*!Visit My Blog

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January 10th, 2010, 12:58 PM
Kalia20's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ontario canada
Posts: 5,890
ITA with everyone else. A person like that wouldnt last two days under my roof.

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January 11th, 2010, 07:10 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
Is she still living with you?
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January 12th, 2010, 10:57 PM
MyDuckySam's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Four Corners, FL
Posts: 3,221
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Change the locks on your house is the only advice I've got.

You've done more than her family has and for that you should be commended. However, there ARE ways for her to get help. She's using you, plain and simple.

I'm sure you know that already, but maybe seeing it in black-n-white will give you the courage to have kicked her out.
Andrea, Tec Me Quilts on Facebook!

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March 13th, 2010, 04:16 PM
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 7
It's one thing helping her kids out. But she has no interest in bettering herself. Tell her she cannot stay by you no more. That you will not support her. You took her in. She could of given you a little something now and then for being allowed to stay there. Sounds like my deadbeat sil Lori. She expects everyone to take care of her. She won't do squat to better herself. She will soon be out on the street. This Wendy needs a wake up call big time.
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