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Slight Delima

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April 13th, 2006, 07:49 AM
carolinagirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 2,053
OK - I have a slight delima concerning a friend. Let me give you a breif synopsis of the nature of our frienship:

I met my friend thru my husband when we first started dating. My DH was best friend's with my friends husband whom passed away in 2002. Our (mine & DH's) friend went thru major depression as a result of the sudden and tragic death of her husband. She kept herself "medically enahanced" for over a year. In the process of that we went our seperate ways due to the fact she took up with some unsavory people we wished to not have anything do with. She eventually stopped abusing liqour and medications and started to really cope with her loss. DH & I still occassionally checked up on her but it was certainly not the friendship it once had been.

Fast forward to December 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After many men, loss of decent friends and hundreds of thousands of dollars down the drain later she & I recconnect and get together for a girls night out. It was weird at first - she wasn't truly herself and just seemed a little strained. I pushed that out of my mind and ended up having a good time. A few weeks later I attend a cookie party and she was there as well. We hang out and it was like the old so-in-so was back. It was great. I had a good time and really enjoyed her company.

Fast Forward to April 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had not talked to or seen this friend since December. Nearly five months have passed and we haven't heard from her. Which is not unsual for her -- we'll call and leave messages and she never returns our calls. So imagine my surprise when she calls to inform us she's getting married. My DH calls her back to get the details and finds out it's not a "wedding" but a "commitment ceremony". OK -- so I was a little confused but just went with it. Well, we all have a mutual friend whom she dated after her husband passed away. He since then moved away and remarried himself. I posted a comment on his blog telling him about her getting "married".

This is what I posted:
Hey XXX! Long time no chit chat Anyway's just wanted to say that's great that XXXX won't be deploying to Iraq. I know it's a huge relief for you. BTW -- XXXX is getting "married" this weekend LMAO freakin hippie wedding ahem scuse me "commitment ceremony" what a joke - oh well.. keep in touch pops! *mwah*

Well, my friend was told about the comment that I posted and called my husband last night to let him know that I was no longer welcomed at their "commitment ceremony" and that since I couldn't support her that she didn't want me there. My DH tried to get her to talk to me so that I could explain what I said was a joke and that I didn't mean for it to sound the way it came out -- she wouldn't talk to me. Instead she just kept yelling at my husband. I didn't think what I said was that bad until I went back and re-read what I posted. Then it dawned on me that it could have been taken another way than what I intended. I feel horrible about it and didn't sleep well at all last night. So this morning I wrote an apology letter and mailed it to her house.

This is my apology:
Dear XXXX,
I want to sincerely apologize for my insensitive comment that I made on XXXX blog. I went back and re-read what I wrote and I can see now where it was misunderstood. I meant it as a joke and looking back at it that’s not the way it came across. I didn’t mean to make light of something that is important to you. I understand why you’re angry and I sometimes say things before thinking. I never meant to hurt you or poke fun of your feelings for XXXX.

We’ve been thru a lot together and I would hope that you would know by now that I wouldn’t ever say or do something mean or hateful towards you intentionally. I value the friendship that you have extended to me thru Rick. I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me and accept my apology. I wish you only the very best that life has to offer.


I still plan to send them a nice congratulations card in the mail. I know now what I said was insensitive and that it was an inappropriate comment to make. I never ever meant for it to be taken as being nasty or unsupportive. I just hope that she'll be able to understand that and be able to forgive me.

Sorry this was so long, I just had to vent about it.
Tracey (34)

GOD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference ~ Amen.

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April 13th, 2006, 10:59 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 548
Apologizing was the right thing to do, and it was a very nice letter. I guess it's up to her now what to do. Good luck!
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April 13th, 2006, 11:00 AM
Posts: n/a
How are you feeling about all of this?
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April 13th, 2006, 11:39 AM
carolinagirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 2,053
I feel horrible about it. I tossed and turned all night knowing she's this upset with me over this. I didn't think twice about it b/c I didn't mean it in a bad way. I meant it as a joke and she didn't see it that way. What hurts the most is that instead of being a woman about it, she called my husband and chewed him out. I am adult enough to own up to when I am made a mistake and will suffer the consequences. I just felt that maybe I struck a nerve about the whole thing and that it was easier to just chew my husband out, rather than talk it out with me. The one comment she made to my husband last night that he told me today over lunch was "SHE is not welcomed, but Rick you're still MY friend and I want you there" and my husbands reply was "well anyplace my wife is not welcomed, neither am I". That's when she hung up the phone. I felt that she behaved childishly and that although what I said was insensitive wasn't as bad as she took it.

Trust me, I am not trying to make light of what I said. It was wrong and I admit that - however I thought that after 6 yrs of friendship that we would have been able to atleast worked things out. I don't know - maybe I should just let it go and if she decides to forgive me she will. I just don't want to look like an idiot standing there waiting for her to say "yeah well nice knowing ya" and pour it down the drain w/out trying to atleast work it out. We've all said something at one time or another that we wished we had not and usually after they cool down work things out. I just have this feeling that it's not going to get any better and it's gonna put a strain on other mutual friendships. *sigh*
Tracey (34)

GOD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference ~ Amen.

My Myspace & Yahoo 360*
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April 13th, 2006, 03:57 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
Did you go to the blog that you made the original post on and try to correct it there as well? I can see the pot being stirred BIG time if you just leave it and do nothing there. I would let her now decide if she wants to forgive and forget or carry the grudge. You did the right and mature thing of the apology. I have heard of people being mad at one partner and inviting the other partner out, and the right thing to do is for both to decline. She was probably too hurt and angry to speak to you when she called your DH and she is probably closer to your DH than you since you were introduced to her by him, if I am not mistaken on that part. Anyway, I know there are times I when I am angry, that right at first I do not want to speak to the person who angered me until I can sort out my feeling and get out what I need to first, which may be what she is doing. Give it time and let her make the next move. Hang in there!!
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