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My sister is dating a loser!

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May 4th, 2006, 12:26 PM
mmsmom_25's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 162
Ok so here goes. She broke up with this guy a couple of months ago, finally realizing what a loser he actually is. She even went as far as writing him a letter telling him she doesn't love him anymore and so on. This guy got caught driving his van with expired licence plates and major speeding tickets amounting to $5000. Needless to say he decided not to pay his fine and just went on living without a drivers licence, so my dear sister drove his sorry ##### around everywhere including staying at his house (with whom he still lives with his parents) so she could drive him to work in the mornings get herself to school and then pick him up when he was done. He also lies about everything under the sun, big small doesn't matter. He was text messaging with this other girl just before they broke up, which resulted I think in her just having enough. a couple of summers ago, him and his friend would go and visit with this girl when my sister was at work at night time. Anyway to make a long story short, I found out she has been seeing him again ( I cn't begin to tell you how furious I am with her). How can she go back to all of that, when she knows ###### well he isn't going to change. And to top it all off, once she broke up with him, he decided to go and pay his fine, get his licence back and buy a car. I was through the roof when I found out about it, and she doesn't really seem that upset (can she not see that she was being used as a free taxi service). Anyway, I want to have a chat with her about it all, but I have to calm down myself about it, because I want to be able to talk to her and not yell at her, otherwise she is just not going to hear a work I am trying to say. I thought about qriting all of these things down in a letter for her, because I know that once I get going with this, I am going to be so mad and forget half of things I wanted to say. My DH also can not stand the guy, we are both not trying to make her angry with us or upset, we really just want what is best for her because I care about what happens to my baby sister. She really does deserve better tahn this. Any advice as to how to approach about this would be appreciated. You guy are the greatest!
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May 4th, 2006, 01:43 PM
appifanie's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 1,962
how old is she?

we all date our share of idiots before we finally realize they're idiots and we don't need them. it may be tough to tell her anything w/o her getting upset at you.

her bf sounds a bit like one of my ex's . . . it took me 3 years to wisen up about him!
Olivia Grace ~ October 26, 2006 ~ 6:04a.m.

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May 4th, 2006, 04:40 PM
Poetique's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 702
There's probably nothing you can really say to her. She will just have to wait until she realizes it for herself or else he decides to actually leave HER. I was with a real loser for four years. I probably would have never left him. He even cheated on me and I still wanted him back! I was young and stupid. The only reason I ended up getting away from him is because HE decided he wanted nothing to do with ME.

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May 5th, 2006, 08:35 AM
carolinagirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 2,053
ahh here goes my input....

First, you're a fantastic sister to care SO much about what happens with your siblings! Secondly, I admire your convictions and stand true to your feelings. However, it's up to your sister to decide when she's finally had enough. Why do I know this you may ask? Well, I went thru it - SIX LOOOOOOOOONG YEARS with someone who didn't deserve me AND my older sister is currently in a FOURTEEN year long abusive relationship. All you can simply do is express your concerns. They're going to do what they want to do. Sadly, when they've been with someone for so long they think that they can save them but basically get beaten down emotionally and the self-esteem is zero. They see him as a man that they love and can't understand why on earth you don't see the good qualities they see, because in their minds he does truly love them too. It's emotional abuse and it's far worse than any physical abuse. Long after the bruises heal the emotional damage is still there. The only thing you can do it support your sister, be there for her but also be firm with how you feel about the man in her life.

I wish I could offer more advise as I am still dealing with my sister's loser boyfriend! It's tough hon, but I know exactly where you're coming from and it sucks. It hurts to see this happening right in front of your very eyes and yet all we can do is sit there and watch it. She is ultimately going to have to decide when enough is enough. I know it's a hard pill to swallow, but it's true. You don't want to drive your sister away but yet you don't want the scum bag around you & your family. Just be there for her when she's going to need you to help her to pick-up the pieces. She will eventually come around and will see - but it's going to take time and try to be patient. If you feel like an in face discussion will cause a heated debate, then write a letter. Take your time and express your feelings. Try not to be accusitory or deffensive, and keep to your point. Only state facts about how this or that makes you feel. The truth is her feelings will be hurt b/c sometimes it's hard to except the truth when it's in black and white. A sisterly bond is a hard thing to break and we're all going to have trials where it's tested. Just know that you will get thru it and your bond with your sister will be stronger for it. I'm speaking from experience on that - my sister and I had a falling out and didn't communicated for 2 years. We've patched things up and have been closer than ever for the past 5 years!! It took some harsh words and a few punches thrown to realize that blood is thicker than water!!!

Good luck, hon and I am always here to listen if you ever need an ear to bend!
Tracey (34)

GOD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference ~ Amen.

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May 5th, 2006, 02:15 PM
lapoema's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Florida
Posts: 7,190
My sister is dating a loser too. I can lecture her to no end, but she's gonna learn the hard way eventually. then I'll say "I told you so." What more can you do?

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