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Having issues, not sure where else to talk about it...

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July 16th, 2010, 12:06 PM
MommyHoney's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Wine Country, Ca
Posts: 226
Okay....here is the back story:

My husband and I have a long history of arguing over honesty. I like many women, instead of sharing every thought that goes through my mind when I'm a little upset (or hurt, or irritated or emotional, etc.) my first instinct has been to say "nothing" when dh says "whats wrong?". A while ago, like 9 months or so we had a huge drag out fight and I told him that if he wanted me to be completely honest all the time and to stop saying "nothing", Fine-I would. He hates when I say nothing and obviously there is something going on. I have been trying my best at not saying "nothing" however more times than not he doesn't really allow me to be upset because he gets all upset at me for being upset or having that specific emotion at that specific time or whatever. It seems to go in cycles or my dh does anyway. For a few months he'll accept my answer if I don't say nothing and then for a few more months he won't, he just gets mad at me for whatever emotion I'm having which usually is having my feelings hurt or mad.

So...Last night I came home from work at my usual time around 11:30p or so and I set my bag down and close the door. He asks me what is wrong because "Im slamming things", I tell him that when the only messages I get from him at work are rude or demanding it hurts my feelings. Next thing I know I'm being mean and an a____, and he doesn't want to talk to me. It was like the last straw for me...
We have been TTC and the advice nurse I called the night before had told me the pain and other not so pleasant symptoms I was having was a miscarriage, fortunately she was wrong once I got to the doctor yesterday they told me my endometriosis is back (After not having any issues for 5 years), I am still a little bit of an emotional mess from that and the work I do is very emotional too. Not to mention still in quite a bit of pain. DH has asked that I don't really tell anyone that we are TTC, which makes it hard to share with anyone whats going on with me because a lot of my emotional stuff is surrounding that and dealing with past issues (which have been popping up because ofthe work I do).

I guess I just feel like I have no one I can talk to, the closest person I have to a best friend has been dealing with her own stuff thats more important right now (currently like as I type in the hospital having her baby). And really I don't have a best friend or someone other than her or my dh to talk to and right now I can't really talk to dh and I'm not selfish enough to try to talk to my friend (pretty much one and only female friend) while she was getting ready for her baby's arrival soon. I feel so alone right now...My son helps a lot he is very loving hugs me a lot and makes me smile.

I guess, I just wanted to know if anyone else has gone through similar experiences and what has helped them. Please, Please, Please

Thank you so much to Misfitinmn for my beautiful siggy!

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July 17th, 2010, 09:04 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
(((HUGS))) Why is he so against telling people your TTC? Whenever I say anything and DH didn't hear what I said, whether or not I was even talking to him or not, he ALWAYS says "Whats wrong". I told him that I was tired of hearing that and not everything that comes out of my mouth is because there was something wrong!! My DH has changed so much over the last couple of years that he is turning into someone I don't even know anymore and we just moved to a new town where I know NO ONE and have no one to talk to either.
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July 18th, 2010, 12:56 AM
MommyHoney's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Wine Country, Ca
Posts: 226
Dh is against it because everyone in my family thinks they know best for us even though we are adults...its hard for them to remember that because dh and I have been together since we were 15 and often times they still treat us like we are still 15. My dh does that too, if I said anything or not I could just be sitting reading a book or doing dishes or whatever. he has changed a lot as well.

I think right now my dh is under a lot of stress at least I hope that is whats going on. He seems very angry a lot of the time, he normally isn't like that. I've been thinking about trying to find a mother's group in my area, thinking that may help with the whole alone feeling. I mean this site is wonderful, but sometimes in person is better...Maybe that would help you too.

Thank you so much to Misfitinmn for my beautiful siggy!

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