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I don't know what to do...

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March 17th, 2011, 12:16 AM
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Calgary
Posts: 176
I am fighting with these feelings that I am having and I don't know what to do. I am so scared and have been fighting with them for a long time.

DF and I have been together almost 6 years. I got with him when I was 19 and he was 33. I started dating him only 5 months after the love of my life broke up with me after 2.5 years together. It was very quick and I never intended it. His girls at the time were 4 and almost 8 so he already had two kids every other weekend.

I ended up breaking up with him for a few months but ended up getting back together with him because I thought I was so in love. About 2 years later we moved in together and only 3 months later I got pregnant. These were not my plans. I had wanted to get out on my own and save up for school and be with the man that I couldn't keep myself away from.

Fast forward 4 years later and I am feeling like I am not in love with him anymore. I don't miss him when he's gone (which is a lot lately with 2 jobs) I don't care to make love to him, I don't care to have any physical contact with him, I feel like I have to force out "I love you"... and I feel sooo stupid because he's been so good to me. He has so many amazing qualities and I don't understand why I am feeling this way. We never fight or argue, he's for the most part a pretty good dad, I get along with everyone in his family.

I just don't know why I feel like this. And I am selfish because I like being able to stay at home with my girls and if I were to leave I would have to live with my mom and her parrot rescue and I would have to get a full time job That scares me to death. I don't know how to deal with these feelings. It's not like he's ever done anything to me, he's faithful, trustworthy. He's only just a little bit lazy around the house. But right now I have no desire to marry him. I am fine living common law...

Should I seek counseling? It's totally not fair to him because he's still head over heels in love with me, and I have changed. I am not the same person and I don't know if I can rekindle this dying flame
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March 23rd, 2011, 01:24 PM
Kalia20's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ontario canada
Posts: 5,890
Maybe try the councilling (sp?) and see if that works. If not, you can't force yourself to love someone unfortunately. I've been in the same situation, but we didnt have kids. Just couldnt make myself love him.

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March 24th, 2011, 11:03 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
(((HUGS))) Have you talked to him any about your feelings? You don't have to go into great depth with him about it if your not ready to, but that might be an option as well depending on how he reacts to things. I think counseling would be a good idea for you, sounds like maybe a bit of depression going on? Hang in there!!! I have felt the same way as well. Are there other things going on right now in your life that is causing you stress? Maybe if that is the case, it is just your reaction/coping to the added stress.
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