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September 6th, 2004, 10:16 AM
Janelle's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Kansas
Posts: 1,588
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Ok here's the story. Every year my inlaws run a car show in CA. My dh has gone every year they have been doing it. We even went when I was 8 mos preggo with Avery. We moved back to kansas close to a year now. We left right after this car show. Now dh is wanting to go back this year and if he goes I cannot b/c of my new job. I looked it over last night and we just dont have the money for him to go right now. Also Avery's birthday is this month and the poor kid has never had a big bash for his bday b/c we are always moving during this time of the year and also the car show. I am getting frusterated with the whole idea of them going. I told dh that we really dont have the money for him to go right now and next year Ave will not be able to go at all b/c of school. Needless to say dh is ticked off. He doesnt seem to understand where I am comming from on this one. I just want Avery to have a good birthday this year and us not to have to struggle about it. I just dont know what to say to dh about this. I have tried to talk to him and he just gets angry. DH...angry=quiet. He says fine he wont go. He will call his mom and tell her they wont be able to make it. Now I am freaking out b/c the inlaws are going to know I asked him not to go. They all know I didnt want him to go from the start. They are going to be sooooo mad at me. I dont know if you all have figured out or not ....I have to please people. I cannot handle having people mad at me or not like me. I dont know. I guess I am just starved for positive attention. So if you all could give me some tips on how I should approach this with dh to try to dissove this issue I would really appreciate it. TIA

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September 6th, 2004, 10:46 AM
I Heart 4x4
Posts: n/a
Okay, first of all, lots of hugs to you! You sound pretty stressed out over this

You may not like my thoughts and opinions on this, LOL. But, here they are in any case. Don't take this as a bash or an insult, I'm just trying to help, I swear. LOL! That being said ...

Why is it important that your DH goes to this car show? Just because it is tradition, or because he helps 'work it' with his parents? If you can try and sit down with your DH and talk with him about this. Be calm, stay calm.

Let your DH know that you understand how badly he wants to go - but don't be sarcastic or rude about it (by saying something like "yeah I know you want to go, but I'd like to go Hawaii and you don't see ME b*tching"). Let him know that you are considering HIS feelings - not just your own.

Is your frustration with him going purely a money-related issue? If it is, sit down with him and discuss rationally, as adults, where you are financially. He may be unaware of your financial situation ... some men think their wives use "well we don't have the money for it" as an excuse purely because the women just "don't want them to go". Does that make sense? I don't know if this is the case or not with you, but it is an outsider's perspective. Let your husband know that it is important to you that Avery have a good birthday, and that means having his Daddy there, too.

Do you want him to go just because you can't due to your new job?

As for Avery's birthday ... you're DH needs to make a choice about which is higher on his priority list: being with his parents in a different state while his son celebrates his birthday alone ... OR ... celebrating his son's birthday WITH his son while his parents may possibly be upset that he's not at a car show with him. The choice seems obvious to me, but men tend to not think of things that way. LOL.


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September 6th, 2004, 10:50 AM
TylerJ1029's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: at my desk
Posts: 27,881
I agree with 99% of what Ashley said. I just wanted to add:
If one of the biggest reasons is finaicial and the inlaws want to be there so bad then why dont they pay for his plane ticket, hotel room, etc. If not all at least half might help you out.

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September 6th, 2004, 11:09 AM
I Heart 4x4
Posts: n/a
Originally posted by TylerJ1029@Sep 6 2004, 10:50 AM
I agree with 99% of what Ashley said. I just wanted to add:
If one of the biggest reasons is finaicial and the inlaws want to be there so bad then why dont they pay for his plane ticket, hotel room, etc. If not all at least half might help you out.
Good point! I forgot to add that, before. LOL!
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September 6th, 2004, 11:14 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Norhern California
Posts: 2,592
I don't have much to add, except to second the suggestion that, if it's mostly a money issue, you sit down with your dh and go over the finances with him.

My dh is really bad about money and I know that sometimes he just doesn't "get it" unless I show him, in black and white, how much money we actually have!

Hugs to you! I hope your dh comes around soon.
Proud mom to my little kookaburra, Alden (03/02). #2 due 06/16/05

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September 6th, 2004, 07:58 PM
mom2one's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 1,422
MHO, send him off and tell him he has to come up with the game plan on paying off the credit card (which is what is paying for the trip). If it is that important to him and his family (and rightfully so), fine, he should go. But you do not need to be stuck with the burden of figuring out how to pay for it. And if he new about this trip a year ago, he could have been figuring out a game plan on how to save up for the trip (he had a year to think about it, he can't pout now b/c there is money at the moment).
~Nicole~ Mom to Anna, age 3!
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