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both sides of the family are driving me insane!

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November 26th, 2011, 05:57 PM
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 27
I'll start by saying I'm 29 weeks 2 days. I have mixed emotions about it, but overall this is what we wanted and we were trying for a while. I did have a blighted ovum back in 2009, but this is the real thing and now that it is... Some people on my and his family are driving me up the wall.

My grandmother is the worst. I vented about her on this forum a while back, and she hasnt gotten any better. I'm sure no one wants to go back and dig for it, so I'll recap what I remember what I said. My grandmother, I guess tries to mean well, but anything she does to show it is so completely wrong and annoying, and in the end it just irritates everyone around her. She wont stop and wont get the hint. When I thought I was pregnant back in '09, I had barely announced I was pregnant when she sent a stroller, a playpen and a cheap baby rocking chair type thing. I know, why turn down gifts when it comes to a baby. When she found out it was a false pregnancy, she tried to "console" me by telling me it happened to her several times (anything anyone in the family has had or went through, she just happened to have it at one point in her life; I had a splint for my wrist in 8th grade "Oh I have to wear one too", I was so sick at the beginning of this pregnancy I lost a bit of weight and had to go to the ER "Oh that happened when I was pregnant with your uncle". See where I'm going with this?) then said "well you can just give it back to me if you want" which, coming from her means "I dont really care, now that I know it wasnt a real pregnancy I just want my money back". Now that she knows I'm actually pregnant, she wont stop sending things to my apartment. I havent even had a baby shower and she's already sent a few boxes of cheap clothes and a few small boxes of wipes, and other cheap things. She's sent a used monitor that's clearly been used but looks like it hasnt been touched in about 10 years. It doesnt work, and it's not portable so I would have to plug my end into the wall and sit there with it, I wouldnt be able to carry it around the house. I threw it somewhere and dont even want to look at it again. I mentioned on facebook one day, without asking anyone for any favors, that I was looking at cribs and how some of them alone cost more than the entire bedroom set my boyfriend and I have and how ridiculous it was. Well, a couple weeks later I went home for my grandfather's birthday and she comes walking up to me all smiles, saying how she bought a used, yes, used, crib and was pretty much forcing it on me saying next time I came home I WOULD be taking it back to New York (I live there with my boyfriend, my family lives in Maine) one way or another. I then later heard her bragging to my mother how she got it and that it was "only a hundred and fifty dollars!" Later that night my mother confessed to me that she wanted to buy the crib. Well, his parents wanted to buy it too, so my mother suggested anyone that wants to buy it just pitch in and give us money so we can go buy one we like and use whatever's leftover for anything else we need. That seemed to be the agreement. Yet every time I talk to my grandmother, she's still trying to push the crib she got onto me (his parents arent much better but I'll get to that in a bit). She's not giving anyone else a chance to buy anything. My mother told her a couple things she got for us and my grandmother was all "I told you I already got that!" Even though my mother told her several times that she's not the only one who wants to pitch in, she keeps saying "you can still have the crib I got". Just the other night I saw her again while visiting someone in the hospital. This time she told me she had a glider in her car waiting to go back with me and asked if she could drop it off at my parents' the next day. GREAT. I tried telling her that my parents dont have anywhere to fit it in their house and it would probably just sitting in the basement with no use. Well, my boyfriend can fit it in his trunk. I said no, his car is too small and it wouldnt fit in the trunk. Tie it down, she says. I told her in the nicest way I could that it just couldnt happen, and she took it alright and said okay. Well, I walked in on her mumbling quietly to my father that she was going to drop it off, not asking him if she could, not being able to leave well enough alone. At first he said okay. Once I talked to him about it and he had the chance to think it over, he went back to her and explained he wasnt going to let it sit in the basement and collect dust, and again it had to be explained that my boyfriend's car is just too small and a glider wont fit in his trunk, and it doesnt have a hitch on the back so we cant drag one of the smaller U-Haul trucks. When he said this, her face went sour and she paused a few seconds then finally sighed out of annoyance and said with a bit of an attitude "Fine, I'll just leave it at my house!" Tuesday night I got a call from my sister with some more lovely things my grandmother said. They were in the hospital and my sister overheard her talking to my father about visiting me in February, when I'm due. She was telling my father how she was going to NOT tell me or my boyfriend that she was going to drive down to New York with one of my aunts and one of my uncle's girlfriends and show up at our apartment and expect us to be okay with her and the other two staying at OUR apartment! We live in a tiny apartment with two bedrooms (obviously for him and I, then the baby's room), one bathroom and a living room that takes up the majority of the place, so there's no way three other people would be able to stay there, especially uninvited. My sister also told me my grandmother was planning on two weeks to A MONTH. My mother already warned me about her planning on two weeks, which is way overstaying her welcome, but up to a month?! Well, I txt my aunt asking her if she knew about any of this. My aunt said no, that's absolutely ridiculous and explained to me what really happened. My aunt told my grandmother that if she couldnt get down to NY, my aunt would take her down and my aunt would stay for a few days to help me out if I wanted her to. I told my aunt how irritated and furious I was that this even crossed my grandmother's mind, and my aunt said she was just being dramatic and no one was going to show up uninvited (which my grandmother was going to before any of this came up. She thinks I want her down there with me). My aunt has her own 10 month old to worry about and a job to go to so up to a month would be too much for her. My uncle was right there as I was txting my aunt, and I guess he called my grandmother up asking her why she said all of that. Of course, not 10 minutes after I get done talking to my aunt my grandmother called me. I didnt answer, so she left a voicemail with an attitude saying "Hi, it's nana can you pick up your phone?" A few second pause, followed by yet another irritated sigh and "Nevermind." and a hang up. So after listening to that, making my blood boil even more I called her back. It sounded like she was crying, or trying to sound like she was, and she denied EVERYTHING that my sister told me, saying in a whiny voice "I didnt say any of that, I would never do that to you!" then had the gall to say it was my aunt that said those things. Nice woman, huh? Not only that but long before I got pregnant or was even old enough to, she's played favorites with her grandkids. She has 3 sets of 2, and the 10 month old. No matter what the conversation's about she always has to bring up my baby cousin. She gets me and two of my cousins whatever we want whenever we want while my sister and two other cousins are left in the dark (they get $10 Wal Mart gift cards while one of my cousins who was turning ELEVEN wanted a camera that was a couple hundred dollars, guess who got it "on sale"). She also hears something from someone, but when she goes to tell someone else she's had time to think about it and adds her own twists and turns to it, telling it the way she wants it to be told not how it actually happened. After she tells one person one story she turns around and adds or takes out info to someone else. I dont think she knows the definition of the word "truth".

His mother means well, I'm sure. But she doesnt think at all before she does anything, and his father has to constantly tell her after she opens her mouth "you probably shouldn't have done it that way" and all she has to say is "Oh I didnt think of it like that". She gossips constantly and cant keep a secret to save her life; every little thing she finds out about someone's personal life, everyone in her neighborhood and everyone she works with, even her 80something year old mother who lives 17 hours away from her has to know every little detail. Even if you tell her to please try to keep your mouth shut, she wont. Anyway, since I became pregnant, his parents have been excited which is understandable; it's their first grandkid. But it's an annoying kind of exciting. They're mostly insistent on the crib. They know my mother wants to pitch in, yet they drove all the way to NY to take my boyfriend out to look at cribs. The whole time his father kept saying how he would pay for it full price, alone, but I said my mother wanted to help too. Well, she can buy the mattress, he said. Or, even better, we can take the money from my mom and use it to buy something else for the baby. Lovely! We found one we liked, and a few weeks later his mother sent my mother a card telling her they were "determined" to buy the crib and they were going to ship it to us. My mother took that as oh, they already got one so she backed out and now doesnt even want to bother pitching in because of my boyfriend's mother. His mom is saying she "didnt mean it the way it came out" but why would she word it the way she did if she didnt mean it that way? So now my mother's backed out of the crib idea and it really breaks my heart because I know she wanted to help but I cant talk her back into it, because his mother opened her big mouth. While they were here, she gave me a sewing machine and dragged me to a fabric store to pick up sewing things. I told her I havent touched a sewing machine since I was 13-14 and that was because I had to in middle school, and my boyfriend told her several times that I DONT sew. Yet she still insisted and brought me against my will, spend a bunch of money on fabrics, sewing material, even a sewing table that was originally priced at $160 but I guess it was marked down to around $80. Either way, I dont sew, I have no interest in re learning it and she was told several times by the two of us but she didnt listen. Even his father was asking why are you bothering but she DOESNT LISTEN. Ever since I met her, nothing I do is good enough for her. I was working at a grocery store when my boyfriend and I got together, and I had just graduated from high school several months before and it was my first job. When she found out she sent me an email saying I should go back to school because I "dont want to be working there forever". Having only met her once, maybe twice, I felt pretty offended. Plus, I hadnt even been working there a year. For a while, whenever I saw her or we came home and he stayed with his parents, she'd give me information on different colleges and trying to insist on what courses I should take. She got the hint after a while when I started throwing out everything she gave me. I dont drive, because of a couple bad experiences while trying to get my licesnse, but she keeps asking when will I start. I'm terrified of driving and dont want to start. I know I should, but it's not her business. She even had one of her neighbors gang up on me about it, and it was quit literally a mere 20 minutes after I shook her hand when SHE started badgering me about it, telling me what I "should" do! What's it her business too?!

Uggh anyway I'm sorry this is so long, but I'm so flustered and his parents and my grandmother are driving me up the wall and stressing me out to the point of my boyfriend and I getting into arguments because of his mother opening her mouth and saying the wrong thing to someone in my family again. I'm so stressed and upset and all this drama is all I can think of, no matter how hard I try to think otherwise. I lie awake at night and think of what I should say or how things should be done yet they all act like they're the only ones involved or the only ones excited. It's driving me so crazy what do I do about it?

Last edited by Annabelle22; November 26th, 2011 at 06:18 PM.
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November 30th, 2011, 08:41 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
YIKES!!!!! You really have a crazy mess on your hands!! If it were me I would change my number and get a PO Box and have mail sent there. Tell everyone you moved and just give PO Box as your new addy lol!!!! Sounds like for your own sanity ignore granny's calls and talk to your bf about his mother.
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December 4th, 2011, 02:28 PM
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 27
I've talked to him about his parents (well, mother. His father is a bit more tolerable but even he gets ehh to me) but he never says anything to them, and even if he does they dont listen to him and shrug it off. As for changing address, my grandmother will get it again one way or another, either from someone in my family or even his mother because now they're seeming to be buddy buddy with each other and neither can keep their mouths shut for anything. Trust me, I've tried ignoring my grandmother's calls too, but she and my uncle got me my phone for me dog-sitting for my uncle, and she's the one that pays the bill. I tried for a week to ignore her and she called up to 4-5 times a day and finally she told my mother she'd shut the phone off if I didnt answer so I have to otherwise I'm phoneless. I'm stuck with her one way or another and she wont listen either; if she doesnt like what she hears she's not afraid to throw a fit and talk about you behind your back to everyone she knows, though I dont know why she bothers; she doesnt seem to think word wont get back to whoever she's talking about. It's just too dramatic and stressful because neither one of them are willing to listen or accept the fact that they're not the only ones involved and arent the only ones excited. It's too much stress for me and talking isnt something that will work with these people
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December 7th, 2011, 08:37 AM
Prudence's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 653
Wow, I can relate. Your grandmother.... it is tuff how old is she, is this the first great grandchild. Ask your Mom if she was that invasive when she had kids. Some people can't step down out of the I am in charge postion. I went through the same things over the crib. I suggested splitting but no one wants to share??? I have a MIL and a step MIL. the MIL acts likes she wants to help, but will wait until the last minute to say she can't.
My inlaws were/are like your grandmother/MIL asking over, and over you want this, I would say no 10 times but they never stopped asking until they got a yes or a fine.
It got to the point that if they asked me a dumb question like want this candy (and it is dumb because they would ask and say are you sure over and over again until I said yes) So candy time I would just say yes to shut them up. I wouldn't eat it though because I didn't want it. Well when I lost a baby my MIL started accusing me of "ingesting"things and that is why I lost the baby, nice huh.
Sorry my thoughts are all over the place.
They wanted to get my son a dresser and took me to 5 furnature stores, not because I didn't pick out something because I didn't pick out what they wanted to get me.Then in the end they brought over an old hunk of junk from there house with a bottom draw that wouldn't close all the way so when he was learning to walk and fell he could hit his head on it???? They were the type if I said yes, nothing came of it. If I said no a million times I would get it, how messed up is that?
I have been through what you are going through for six long years. I think finally I may be in a comfortable spot with them. Although at Christmas time they think they need to show us up, or Santa. If we get 5 things they get 10, if we get 10 things they get 20. We got some stuff for my daughter that she will LOVE, I told DH not to tell his parents because then they'll go out and buy twice as much of it. It took DH awhile to see the things I was saying and I feel less like it is my problem now.
Hang in there, hopefully just hopefully this dies down quickly.
And if not unplug the phone so you can have a happy memerable birth.
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December 27th, 2011, 12:02 PM
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 27
My grandmother is in her late 50's, and I was her first grandkid (step grandkid but whatever) and this is her first great grandkid. I understand everyone's excited but I feel like I have to make everyone happy before I can be happy and it's honestly making me miserable. If I say yes they get their way and keep insisting things go their way. If I say no, I'm in for a lot of crap and everyone making me feel guilty, which doesnt take much. I'm having a baby shower coming up in a couple weeks but my grandmother doesnt understand. For Christmas I got a bunch of ugly blankets that she made herself, ugly mittens, burping cloths and such, a big box. The next day my boyfriend and I went to her place because she had some useless crap to give him, and we got a heavy picture frame meant for a baby but can be used for anything really, and a scrapbook for baby pictures and what not. She's always trying to one up other people, trying to give me the biggest and best and most crap she can give me, and doesnt understand that while things for the baby are helpful, they're just not great Christmas presents and I have a baby shower that she just cant wait for. Like I said, I understand everyone's excited but they just dont seem to be thinking of anyone else's feelings and wants, and it's driving me crazy. I guess now is the time of all times to grow a backbone and tell people how it is and how I feel, but I've never had one and every time I think of what I want to say and how I'll say it, but in the end I end up stuttering and fumbling my words and nothing comes out the way I want it to. I'm so tired of it
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January 4th, 2012, 06:47 AM
Prudence's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 653
Ugly mess, I can sympathize and I am sorry =(
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January 10th, 2012, 05:13 PM
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1
Wow! Your MIL and your grandmother sound like real b*tches, giving you gifts after gifts after gifts, paying for so many equipment that you don't want and for wanting to help you out with the future baby. :eyeroll:
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February 8th, 2012, 05:45 AM
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 11
haha keep it up girls!
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