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Visits after baby is born

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February 17th, 2012, 10:05 PM
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1
So my husband and I live on the opposite coast from his family. We are not due until August 31st and this will be our first child. The IL (all 4 of them) want to come out right away after the baby comes. There are multiple problems with this and yet I'm still made to look like the b****. 1. I want/need time to adjust after having my first child. 2. When the IL and brothers come out they will all be staying with us (in our 3 bedroom, 1500 sq. ft. home). Which isn't a lot of room when you consider where people would sleep.

My questions are... 1. is it wrong for me to only want my mother here right away to help me through the first few weeks? 2. Am I a jerk to tell his family that we literally won't know when they can come out until I have the child (I could be late)? 3. Also, is it wrong for me to not want 6 people in my house all at once while yet still adjusting to all the new changes? 4. Finally, his mom suggested coming and staying for a whole MONTH by herself.... we get a long so-so, but I don't think I could deal with being home from work that whole time and her here. I'm not even sure I could do that with my own mother who I can be completely blunt and honest around. So does that make me horrible?

It's not like a visit one day and people go home, this would be like a week long thing and I have no idea how I will be feeling at that time. Are there any other moms out there that can give me advice on how to handle this? It's stressful and causing a lot of tension between my husband and I. I feel like his family isn't understanding about so many things and it causes a lot of stress between us, mostly me since I've never dealt with this sort of thing before.
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February 26th, 2012, 10:57 PM
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 53
1. no it is not wrong for you to only want your mother around, that is only natural. the birth of a baby is so intimate and you want to focus on taking care of your newborn because it is scary at first. 2. no, they should understand that you want to prepare and spend the last few weeks nesting and enjoying the final weeks of your pregnancy. 3. absolutely not, you will go crazy with all those people in your house...especially not your family, and you will want alone time with your baby so you can bond 4. hell no, his mother should come on your terms...you and your husband need to talk about it together and agree upon a time frame for when people should come and for how long they should stay. Let me tell you something, I dealt with something very similar. I gave birth to my son 3 weeks early, was completely shocked over it. I expected to be late. I wasn't quite ready, I was sad that I didn't have my baby inside me anymore even though I got to meet him. I was emotional. He was in the NICU for 6 days, and when I finally got home with him...I wasn't going to let him go. I needed time to bond with him. My boyfriends mother stayed with us for a while, but ended up leaving earlier than she planned because she felt I didn't need her help. It's not that I didn't need the help, I needed help cleaning my house and doing laundry. But I felt she only was going to help with the baby, and at the time I wasn't comfortable asking her to just help with house work. You are entitled to bond with your baby under your own terms. Speak with your husband, take his feelings into consideration, and be honest. Tell everyone how you feel, in a nice way and let them know that you want them around..but you want time to get it together. Good luck.
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March 4th, 2012, 07:56 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
I agree with the PP, there is nothing at all wrong with what your wanting. I understand they are excited but they need to think about other people before themselves. His mother is just wanting to help. If your ok with it tell her a week would be ok when your ready for her. They will just have to get over it. Just because your given a date doesnt mean the baby is going to agree with it and come exactly then. Good luck!!
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