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  • 1 Post By dlammers

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February 21st, 2012, 12:32 AM
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 53
What do you do when you live with your boyfriend and the two of you have a child together, and you have an issue that you bring up repeatedly that you always get the same answers to and nothing changes? What do you do when your boyfriend just isn't very interested in being intimate at all, shows slim to no affection, and when he is it feels cold and forced? I feel stuck and talking about it gets us nowhere because he doesn't understand or care, and just walks away and tries to drop the topic. What are you supposed to do when you feel so lonely that it eats away at you at night when you're lying awake next to your boyfriend who is sleeping sound and you feel stuck in a situation that doesn't seem to get better, when your boyfriend is not open to couple's counseling and doesn't show the slightest bit of interest in you? If we broke up, I would have nowhere to go because I know no one in this state, and we share a car, lease and a son. I feel like I am stuck with someone who may love me but clearly isn't in love with me anymore, and I don't know where to turn and I am screaming inside. I don't know how long I can hold it in.
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February 22nd, 2012, 05:48 PM
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 43
Start by figuring out daycare options and then get a job. Do for yourself, learn something new. Gain that confidence that you can be self sufficient. You can stand on your own two feet. He will probably never change, he has no reason to. And he doesn't sound like a keeper, so move on. Get out there, learn something, meet new poeple, network, get support, work hard and you will see how good you feel about yourself and where your life can take you. Put money away. It may take a while, but just be calm at home and keep it on the DL. Eventually you will be able to leave and will be a strong, happy woman. You may not know anyone in the state now, but you start a new career and you will meet some of the best women in your life! My best friends are the ones I've met during my career! You can do this. Check with your state for what single mother options you have for your child to help you get back in the workplace. Good luck!
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February 23rd, 2012, 08:37 PM
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 53
I don't want to leave him, I love him, but I don't know how long I can take it. I have no one, and the one person that I have to love me makes me feel sometimes like it's work on his part because he's too tired or whatever. He shows his love in other ways, but he doesn't open up to me about if anything is wrong..he just says nothing is wrong and that it's all in my head, but he doesn't make me feel special anymore. Also, I want to get a job in the near future, but he has my car and works nights on a non-set schedule. I don't know who would hire me with so little availability. I would def get my confidence back, but we can't even afford another car or day care to get me back to work. I feel so lonely here, with nowhere to go and nothing to do.
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March 4th, 2012, 07:31 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
Sounds like you have a bit of depression going on. If he is on nights why couldnt you take the car and work on day shift? There are options are daycare out there for people who need help. Maybe try writing him a letter and ask him to write you bavk. Maybe he doesnt feel comfortable talking to you in person.
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March 5th, 2012, 11:03 AM
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 53
I def have depression going on, I have been on meds and see a therapist once in a while. We talked about me going back to work when our son turns 1 yr old and I'm done breastfeeding...we talked about me working during the day but then my boyfriend would never get any sleep because he doesn't come home until really late and needs time to unwind when he gets home. We can't afford another car, or daycare and if I'm going to make money it's going to have to be at night time in the service industry as well. Where we live, the economy is really bad and a day job isn't going to pay the bills. As far as the letter thing, I would probably get the same response. We talk a little more openly now, and things are improving because I explained to him that no woman wants to stay in a situation where she feels emotionally abandoned at times.
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March 5th, 2012, 11:12 AM
dlammers's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Norfolk, NE
Posts: 2,955
I felt the same way with my ex husband. I really thought in my head that I loved him and couldn't live without him. He was the only one working. I was just at home with the kids. I didn't think I could do better. I had family that lived 2 1/2 hrs away and one day I just said that I was going to go live with them because I wasn't happy. It is not fair to you or your child if you are miserable. Now, I am not saying to just take off...but you need to do the right thing for you. I think that if you did get your self a job and get yourself out there you will become more confident to do what's best. I wish you luck as you decide what you are going to do. Just have faith in your self. Only you knows what is best for you!
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