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How to cope with an unsupportive sister? help

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March 28th, 2012, 02:17 AM
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 4
I'm currently 38 weeks and scheduled for a C-section next week. I understand that C-sections are controversial and I respect everyones own birth plan, regardless if itís natural, vaginal with drugs or C-section. My C-section is my choice based in the information I have been given about the size of my baby and the risks. I can live with having a C-section and him end up being an average sized baby, but I cannot live with trying to delivery him vaginally and risk putting him under stress, breaking bones, pinching nerves, or much worse.

Unfortunately, my sister has been my biggest stress. She is not supportive of my decision. She says things like Iím a control freak and she's never known a person to schedule a C-section other than pre-Madonna starlets. She constantly makes comments how I donít value her opinion on the matter, and how she doesnít trust my doctor. I'm one week away from having my greatest joy come into the world, yet I find myself constantly upset by her comments and it saddens me that I donít have a sister that I can count on for support. She even yesterday sends me texts how she wants her best friend who is a L&D nurse to be in my surgery room because her friend knows more about deliveries than my doctor (given she has never even meet my doctor, this is all based on the fact that my doc is allowing a scheduled C-section). I tried talking to her about how much stress she is causing me, and yet even after hearing me cry for over an hour, she still tried to tell me that I'm making a mistake by not listening to her. Then telling me how upset she is that i didnt invite her to any of my doctor appointments or ask her to be in the surgery room. My husband and I really want this momment to oursleves.

Can anyone help me with how to cope with this?
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March 28th, 2012, 10:42 AM
lapoema's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Florida
Posts: 7,190
Wow, I hate people who think they know more about your own situation than you do. Just don't tell her any more info from now on. At least she is your sister so you can tell her how she's making you feel. With me it was my inlaws and I couldn't tell them off.
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March 29th, 2012, 11:06 AM
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 53
WOW, I can't even read this I am so pissed off for you. What a controlling *****, no offense, I know she is your sister. SHE is the control freak. It is none of her business for how you deliver your child. What does she give a f*** if the baby comes out of your vagina or your stomach??! Who does she think she is? It is not her business. You make your decisions for YOUR baby. Do not EVER let someone make you feel otherwise, or make you feel guilty for what you choose to do. You are 100% right about the risks involved, and if you feel there is a high risk for a delivery that may not go well..then by all means do what is best for your baby. Listen to your dr., not someone you've never met or barely know. I hate nurses who think like that anyway. They are NOT more educated than a dr., therefor they do not know more than them. She is a bully and you can't allow her to control you. Stupid nurses like that should not be allowed to practice. I am speaking to you from experience. My boyfriend's stupid sister in law is an lpn, to me...a professional ***-wiper, and she claims she knows more than drs. do and that she knows what's in the best interest of a child and that you should take her advice because she's more "knowledgeable". I learned the hard way that she was full of ****. I allowed her to pressure me. Furthermore, a birth plan is a crock of ****. At least remember if you have one, to roll with it and allow yourself to understand that your delivery may not go as planned. Because mine didn't. I allowed this ***** to get in my head after she told me never let them give you an episiotomy, use forceps/vacuum, and try to deliver vaginally, don't let them give you an epidural too soon (that one the REAL nurses had no idea what the f*** she was talking about). Anyways, I am petite and my baby was early and big. I went in there saying no this, no that. I pushed for 4 hours and refused to allow the dr. to give me an episiotomy and vacuum or emergency c-section delivery. After the 4 hour mark, the OB told me it can't go on. She had to cut me and use a vacuum. My son developed a subgaleal hematoma, a 1% risk from vacuum assisted vaginal delivery, and no doubt a major headache from being stuck inside me. My poor baby, I allowed that to go on and because the dr. felt for a while that she had to appease me..she did as well. Let them help you. Trust your medical staff. Not someone who isn't properly medically educated. Do not let those women in your room. You will regret it for the rest of your life. You ARE entitled to your choices.

Originally Posted by lapoema View Post
Wow, I hate people who think they know more about your own situation than you do. Just don't tell her any more info from now on. At least she is your sister so you can tell her how she's making you feel. With me it was my inlaws and I couldn't tell them off.
You should have told them. Women need to speak up. No one has the right to make your decisions for you, so don't allow them to push you and get in your head/make you feel guilty.
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March 30th, 2012, 11:44 AM
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 4
Thank you so much! I think Iím still in shock that my sister let me cry for an hour over the phone as I was telling her how much she was upsetting me, and she has no compassion regarding her actions nor that is I 38 weeks pregnant. She just continued to argue her point, as if that was going to change my mind. I just donít understand how she could be so selfish and make my baby and my delivery all about her.

She prides herself on being a licensed clinical social worker with a master in child development, however her own 2 children are constantly in the principalís office and many neighbors have refused to allow their children to be around them because of their bullying behavior. PS they are only 4 & 7 year old girls. Obviously they get this behavior from my sister and her husband, but she just thinks these parents are attacking her and makes up excuses as to why her childís behavior is acceptable.

My mother thinks she is so desperate to feel validated as a parent or as a knowledgeable mother figure that she is taking it out on me (especially because I donít come to her for advice). And why would I, I donít agree with her, however I donít voice my opinion about her parenting style because I would never want her to feel the way she makes me feel, and they are not my kids. So unless she asks for my opinion I donít give it, and even then, I try to make it about the girls and what they need rather than blame her.

I can't tell you enough how much your response mean to me. It makes me feel so much better. I've been trying to stay positive, but every once in a while her voice flashes in my head and I hear again some of the hurtful things she said. Her tone was so bitter and spiteful; I still can't get over it.

Anyhow, thank you ladies for your support and kind words.
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March 30th, 2012, 05:09 PM
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 53
Well at some point enough is enough, and I'm sure you'll have to stand your ground. Just tell her once and good how you feel, and tell her you won't repeat yourself. That's what I did before I cut this girl, I won't say woman because she doesn't act like one, out of my and my son's life. My boyfriend's family also thought she was taking out her aggression and jealousy on me because she herself is insecure and really just yelling at herself. Never let anyone shake you, blood or not. Don't live in regret, it eats away at you.
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April 15th, 2012, 05:01 AM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
If she wont listen after you have told her to stop you can block her calls/texts. No need to allow her to stress you. Do what YOU feel is best for you and your child. Lots of people have planned csections who are not the rich and famous types. I hope things go well!!!!
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