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My husband is annoyed that I keep bringing up stuff I want to buy before we hv baby!!

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  • 1 Post By in_mommy

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May 4th, 2012, 01:14 PM
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 2
I hope someone will read this. I'm upset and crying. This is baby #2. We have a 7 year old daughter. I luckily kept the crib and clothes. Whenever I talk about buying the bedding, or travel system (basically the larger purchases) he gets upset and reminds me that we will buy after the baby shower. Which is fine but the baby shower isnt until mid June and I'm due Mid July. Last time I had my 7 year old daughter 5 weeks early. So basically I need to be ready within 1-2 weeks after my baby shower. I'm in my third trimester and I just want things ready. I know I shouldn't stress over bedding or travel system (well, at least I should about the carseat being ready) but I just want to be prepared as well or better than the first time. I know we don't have the hundreds of dollars to spend all at once, so why my husband thinks we will have the money after the baby shower? I told him I'm registering for everything else we need but those two things. They are so expensive and I can't see myself registering, or even someone buying, for my second baby shower. It's already alot to ask people to come to a baby shower for the 2nd child, and then to put items on the list that are close to $200 sounds crazy to me.

Help me. I'm crying because I don't want to upset my husband and ask for these things over and over. But I feel like he thinks someone will just buy them for us. When its time to have this baby and I don't have what I need I think that is what is making me go crazy. Maybe its worrying me more because I'm the pregnant one thats all moody and wants everything perfect.......but my husband is bothered when I talk about the baby or baby stuff too much. I know he will love this baby, but I wish he wanted to bond more now. It pains me to have such happy feelings about the baby and then my husband is more laid back and isn't as crazy excited as I am. What do i do??? I don't want to upset my husband and hurt our marriage. So do I dream about baby quietly, look at baby books/info when I'm alone?, not talk too much about the baby?, I DON'T KNOW! He has already told me he will be excited once the baby is born, what about now, and my excitement and wanting to get baby stuff ready?? oh well... I'm not sure if its because we had a son stillborn at 28 weeks before our 7 year old, but he was much more excited about getting baby stuff ready with our 7 year old than with this baby. I don't understand why he would be so different this time? I want our baby to know his voice and feel his hand, but so far no luck...

I am getting a headache from crying so much. I better go...
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May 4th, 2012, 08:35 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
(((Hugs))) I understand where your coming from and your right you need to be prepared. I would go ahead and put those items on there, you never know. Maybe a group of people will go in together and get it. You could also maybe start taking $10 or $20 a check and put it to the side to start saving up for it.
He sounds like he is afraid to put much investment emotionally or financially with this baby in fear of something happening. Once you get a bit further into the trimester he will soften. Talk to him and see what his feelings are. Hang in there!!
sohappyfor2 likes this.
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May 4th, 2012, 09:34 PM
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 2
Thank you so much! I hope he softens. He made me cry when he yelled at me saying I won't leave him alone about going to register for baby stuff before I send out invites that say I'm registered. He is annoyed with me. I just want him excited and happy about all of this like me. So I will sit here quiet and just dream about the baby. I don't want to talk about baby moving or baby shows on tv or baby this or baby that. I feel like I have to pretend its not happening in order for my husband to not get annoyed or hate me....
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May 5th, 2012, 12:50 PM
*Jennifer*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: California
Posts: 5,500
First of all, I am so sorry about your loss. Secondly, while it may be that your husband is scared about getting emotionally invested in your pregnancy due to the previous loss, it may also be that he is worried financially. I know, while women tend to be more focused on how they will care for the child, men tend to be more focused on how they will provide for the child. I know before we had our son, Dh did not worry about money. Now he worries because it isn't just the two of us anymore.

Good luck. I hope he comes around and congrats on your pregnancy!
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May 7th, 2012, 03:08 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
Is there by chance anything similar swith this pregnancy and the first one? I really think he still has not worked through his feelings from before and they are surfacing now but that doesnt excuse being nasty towards you. (((hugs)))
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depressed, husband not as excited, what do i do?

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