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Trying to be happy for friend :(

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June 13th, 2012, 08:38 PM
Cherished1's Avatar On an extended babymoon
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 372
Not sure if this is the best spot to post this but I need to get it out as I have no one to talk to One of my friends had a new baby today and I am really happy for her but it's bought up stacks of really draining emotions for myself and I feel like a horrible friend for these feelings that have come up. Basically we both have boys with a few weeks of each other and we catch up every week or 2 for a play date. We both really wanted a girl next time around. For one reason or another hubby and I had to delay ttc which was fine and my friend go pregnant which I was also fine with. But then my hubby dropped a bombshell and told me late last year that he didn't ever want another baby. Needless to say I was heartbroken. I have struggled with it and tried to be ok with only one child and some days I think yeah you know 1 is enough but deep down and after my reaction today when my friend sent me the photo and announcement that it's a girl I was emotionally shattered all over again with the realisation that I really DO want another baby and I want it to be a girl. I have asked myself if I would feel this way if she had a boy and the answer is that I don't know? I didn't know or expect that I would feel like this as it is... It's kind of just smacked me in the face and now I'm exhausted from crying. I resent my husband and I wish he would change his mind. Am I a horrible person for not being over the moon for my friend at this special time and being so self absorbed?
So much in love with hubby & Bub!

Our Amazing Water Birth Story

Last edited by Cherished1; June 13th, 2012 at 08:40 PM.
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June 14th, 2012, 10:47 AM
*Jennifer*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: California
Posts: 5,500
Huge hugs to you. You are not a horrible person at all. I am a one and done mom and, even though I am fine with it, I do get those twinges of jealousy when someone is having their 2nd or 3rd. I can only imagine how you are feeling since you do want another baby.

Did your husband tell you why he doesn't want anymore children?
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June 15th, 2012, 01:42 AM
Cherished1's Avatar On an extended babymoon
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 372
Thanks for replying to me Jennifer. I'm still really down about it today. Yes he has told me why he doesn't want more kids and many of the reasons I understand but they aren't really good enough reasons to not have another baby (in my opinion). But there is nothing I can do about it... If he doesn't want one then I can't have one unless I leave him... Which would be insane as our son just loves him to bits and otherwise he is a wonderful husband... I couldn't take our son away from him and I couldn't stand another woman being a step mum to him either so I just need to get over the resentment and try to be happy. I feel so isolated, I just want to hide in a cave and never come out.
So much in love with hubby & Bub!

Our Amazing Water Birth Story
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June 18th, 2012, 07:28 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,684
I don't blame you. Your feelings are completely valid, especially if your husband changed his mind about more kids and you thought that was an option for you. I'm sorry
J Married to D 08.21.2009
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June 18th, 2012, 10:56 AM
MindyRambo's Avatar Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Quebec, Canada
Posts: 839
I don't blame you either, and you are far from a horrible person.

I think even if you guys can't agree, you need to talk about this more. He needs to understand how devastating this is to you. And maybe you can get him to understand that his reasons seem trivial to you but you would really like another baby. You've got nothing to lose, right?

You think the only people who are people, are the people who look and think like you, but if you walk the footsteps of stranger, you'll learn things you knew... you never knew.
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June 21st, 2012, 03:18 AM
Sunny09's Avatar Regular
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 73
Darling. You always have me.

I hate that you feel like this, and that there's nothing me or anyone else can really do to fix it right now. Huge snuggly booby hugs
Me + Him = 2 little blessings born under my belt, 2 up in the skies but their love is still felt.
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June 22nd, 2012, 02:06 AM
Cherished1's Avatar On an extended babymoon
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 372
Ember Rose just being validated is really reassuring.

MindyRambo One thing hubby and I are good at is communicating. We have been talking about this for months now. He knows how crushed I am... We spoke about it again a few days ago after my friend had her baby. He does understand and I understand him. The situation just sucks.

Sunny you're the best, I know I have you. So nice to see you on JM too.
So much in love with hubby & Bub!

Our Amazing Water Birth Story
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June 22nd, 2012, 09:19 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
You have every right to be upset about it. What does hesay about your feelings? Is this something that you could talk about in a few months to see if your both ready. Resentment is not something you can easily get over in a marriage if you can really ever get over it. I would suggest talking to him about it again and let him know how you are feeling.
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