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Grandma issues

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  • 2 Post By magicalthinking

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June 25th, 2012, 09:43 AM
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2
So the situation is my mom doesn't ever offer to have my two boys come to her house without me being there. She would rather just come to my house to see them that way she doesn't have to watch them I guess and she doesn't have to be the bad guy. I will say she did watch my oldest son during the week or the first two years of his life so I could work so I can't complain too much but that was almost 4 years ago. She even told me she won't offer to watch them and I don't like asking. My MIL however offers to watch them every weekend. She says her limit is 5 hours and only one kid at a time because both of them are two hard to watch for her (she's only in her early 40's and in great health so that's not an issue) but she says also she wants to be able to give her full attention to just one at a time since they fight when they're together because they both want attention and that's fine with me and also if we ever ask her to watch them so we can have a date night or something she doesn't mind. However, when we've asked my mom in the past, she doesn't seem enthused about it. She's either just like "k" or "well I have to work tomorrow so they can't stay too late" or her favorite response is "I never got date nights" (which is probably why her marriage isn't doing well and hasn't been for a very long time) It's almost like just because her marriage is bad she doesn't think I should be able to have a good one either. I don't know what it is. I can't bring this up to her either because she wears her feelings on her shoulders. She's a great grandmother and loves seeing her grandkids but it's like she doesn't want the full responsibility of watching them. She goes crazy if she can't see them at least once a week (but she comes to my house). I don't mind seeing her or spending time with her and my kids together but my husband and I would like to be able to ask her to watch her grandkids for a few hours so we can have a date night. I think it's healthy that we spend time alone. We want our marriage to last and if you have two very active boys like we do, you need that time! I already stay home with them as it is. Neither one of them are in school yet. They don't have babysitters or go to daycare. I have them all the time! My husband works a lot too. So the issue is our anniversary is coming up next month and we'd like to go away for a couple of days at the most but her response to me asking if she could watch them one day and my MIL watch them the other day was "well they've already made my schedule out at work up until the 6th" (but we're asking her to watch them the 7th or 8th) so they haven't made her schedule out for those days which means she could request to not work one of those days. It's like she just doesn't want to do it. She didn't even say "I'll see what I can do" or anything. She doesn't work a full time job. She has like 3 days off during the week and it's just a secretary job. It's not my fault that she supposedly never got date nights even though I remember staying with my aunt A LOT and my grandparents. My husband also did the same thing. He said he would stay with his grandparents the whole summer! It's just like grandparents aren't like they used to be anymore. I'm not going to complain about my MIL though because she's came a long way. She's really stepped up her game. She's spoiling us. She used to not watch my oldest son at all before my second one was born 2 1/2 years ago. Does anyone else have this problem? Oh and please don't be rude. I'm not trying to say bad things about my mom because she's been a great mom. I know she's going through menopause and has weight problems not to mention her marriage problems so I'm sure that effects her a lot but I would rather her just tell me that than to make up reasons why she can't watch our kids. I really don't even like asking her anymore and it shouldn't be that way. Also keep in mind I was her only kid and I was a good kid. She also thinks that parents don't and shouldn't have breaks from their kids. I disagree with that. If I never got breaks from my kids I'd lose my mind! They are so active and totally opposite of how I was when I was a kid so she has no idea! I like the feeling of being away from my kids for a little while because it makes me miss them and helps me realize how much I love them. It's just like a marriage. If you were with your spouse 24/7 I guarantee things wouldn't end up well. You'd fight all the time. It's just not healthy to be around someone 24/7. I don't know why she doesn't see that. Also my oldest is ADHD. He's 5 years old. He has been very difficult to raise. She thinks just because she worked at a daycare for about 12 years she knows what it's like to have kids that are like mine but she didn't raise those kids. She kept them while the parents worked during the day then they'd go home. They didn't stay the night. I wish she could keep my kids for a week to see what I'm talking about and maybe she would change her opinion.

Last edited by momof2vryactivboyz; June 25th, 2012 at 09:50 AM.
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June 28th, 2012, 06:39 PM
*Jennifer*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: California
Posts: 5,500
You stated that you are an only child. Perhaps your mom is nervous about watching more than one grandchild? You also stated that your oldest has ADHD. It could be that your mom feels that she just cannot keep up with him and her other grandkids at the same time.
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June 29th, 2012, 06:22 AM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
I agree with the above, maybe they start fighting and arguing and that is just not something she has ever had to deal with since you were an only. Then the noise level 2 little ones would be brining in. I totally understand where your coming from though except it is my MIL who has NEVER watched them, offered to or anything, although I would never allow it and that is a whole other story. Does your DH have any siblings they could go to or any friends they could go to? Try talking to your mom when she comes and see if you can get to the real reason. (((hugs)))
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anniversary, baby sitter, grandkids, kids, mom

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