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Still furious

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July 14th, 2012, 08:49 PM
yugot2h8's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 432
Hello ladies! Need to tell this story to SOMEONE and possibly get some advice . . . (If a lady from my PR happens to read this, please don't mention this anywhere else!) This is going to be long!

My boyfriend (who I have been with for a little over a year and have a child with . . . yes, I became pregnant very early in our relationship) is addicted to prescription pain pills. Stupid stupid me never realized the extent of his problem until a little less than two months ago when it was time to pay a bill and he came to me and said he had only a hundred dollars in his bank account. A hundred dollars? Really? He has a decent paying job and we are currently staying in his mother's home to save enough money to be on our own and comfortable (or so I thought we were), so there was no reason he should have only a hundred dollars. We pay for cable and internet and part of the utility bill which is never more than 200 a month combined . . . I'll stop here and tell you a back-story.

I knew he did drugs when we met and at the time I was fine with it because I am young and liked to go out and party myself, so it was fine with me as long as it was just social...but as it turns out, it was infinitely more than "just social." When I got pregnant last year, I (obviously!!!) knew it was time to clean up and grow up. I was not happy about the baby at first but quickly realized this child was a gift. I became very excited about the pregnancy and surprisingly, my boyfriend was also thrilled.

He also decided it was time to stop with the partying and for a few months he did very well. Until I started noticing things, such as he was acting strange or just looked high. I would mention these things and he would become irrationally angry and convince me that nothing was going on. But really, deep down, I knew that something was.

And because I thought I knew something, I went crazy ... constantly suspicious, interrogating, checking his phone all the time crazy. I found some texts here and there about him trying to buy pills from someone. After some ridiculous fights, I was able to make myself believe that he had stopped and nothing else was going on and so, we were doing great for months.

The baby came and we were doing very well, in love with our new baby and each other. But I was still suspecting things.

One night about two months ago I was feeling particularly suspicious and decided to look at his phone while he was in the shower. There were no suspicious names or numbers in his call logs or in his texts, but I accidentally found his "frequent calls" list and that is how I knew. There were two names in particular that stood out to me.

I confronted him about this, and hell broke loose. I checked his phone bill for these numbers and they appeared hundreds of times. Way more than my phone number. We fought well on into the night with our poor baby daughter sleeping upstairs (I still feel disgustingly guilty about that).

I'm going to try to cut this short now because I can see it getting way, way longer!

The baby and I left and stayed with my mom for a few days. He finally "admitted" to just buying pills "a few times" ... although I was not convinced that was the whole truth. When we came back to his mom's house is when everything came out. When he said he only had a hundred dollars. It turns out that he had spent THOUSANDS of dollars on oxycontin!!! OUR ENTIRE SAVINGS. I could have killed him ... and reliving this I could kill him right now!

That is not the worst of it though. His family had given us about a thousand dollars to start a savings for the baby...you probably know where this is going. HE SPENT HER MONEY TOO. There are NO WORDS for how furious I was then and how I am now.

Again, I left with the baby and intended to stay gone until he and his mother called and begged me to come back. He said he would get help...but still has yet to do it. (His mother is also furious, and still suspicious of him to this day).

You are probably thinking what a dumb girl I am (maybe not in that nice of words)...but I do love him and he is great with our baby...but I feel our relationship will never be the same.

There really are no words for how HUMILIATED I feel and the hurt I feel for our daughter...that he essentially stole from her...and now I can't stop thinking it will happen again. Each week he is paying me 100 dollars to replace her money... and I have been drug testing him (and he has been clean). But that just isn't enough. It is ruining me and our relationship. That, amongst other things - he can't get along with his mom and they are always screaming at one another...

I don't want the baby around this kind of thing. The obvious answer is to leave...so I am not sure what I am asking. I think I just wanted to get this out, to tell someone who isn't biased. My mother is the only person I have told and she obviously says to "get rid of that loser."

I know I sound pretty stupid for sticking around, but please don't be rude about it. I just need some support.

thanks to claire1979 for my gorgeous siggy

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July 14th, 2012, 11:21 PM
*Jennifer*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: California
Posts: 5,500
Huge hugs to you. You do not sound stupid for sticking around. You sound like someone desperate to give her daughter a family. There is absolutely no shame in that. I do not know what I would do if I were in your shoes and I hope your boyfriend gets the help he needs. Do you know why he uses pills? Has he been to any type of counseling?
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July 18th, 2012, 08:08 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
(((hugs))) Sorry your having such a hard time!!! What is his reason for using? Has he done rehab? At least his mom is not letting him off the hook! Just dont leave your baby alone with him. If something were to ever happen and it came out that you knew what his was doing and left the baby with him, they could take your baby. You should get all money and put it in an account only you have access to and tell him he can have an allowance until he is clean and can be trusted. If he cant get clean, I would be with your mom on this, and leave him.
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