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8 years old and just met her father.....

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December 6th, 2013, 07:31 PM
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1
[SIZE="4"][SIZE="4"]Long story short I was 19 and began seeing a local guy I met through Myspace. We were together 1 month when I found out I was pregnant. I was on BC but forgot that the antibiotics I took for a sinus infection would screw them up. He freaked when I told him and said his parents would disown him. 2 weeks went by of him ignoring me and then found out he was dating someone else. I made the decision to just move on with my life and raise my daughter alone. Throughout the years he has had little contact. He would message me on Myspace or Facebook and ask how she was, only to turn around 2 days later and say she wasn't his. Then he would be MIA for another 6 months to a year. He ended up having another kid a few years later but that relationship didn't work and her mother is now raising her alone. He got in contact with me about a year ago and says he is very sorry that hes missed out and that he wants to have a relationship with her. I continued talking to him to see if he would take off again. This time he stuck to his guns and his mom and dad have even come into the picture. Over the summer his Mom and Dad came to my daughters baseball games and spent some time with her then. Then finally on her 8th birthday I felt comfortable enough letting her dad see her. He came to her birthday party and everything went great. He brought his fiance and me and her hit it off. She seems like a great person and I have no problem with my daughter being around her. There was no pressure and things went smoothly. Me and my husband talked it over and agreed with him then to let him start seeing her on a regular basis so he could get to know her and vice versa. One day a week he would come get her and take her to do something but it had to be local to our area (he lives an hour away). The first 3 weeks went well. He came and took her to a movie and ice cream the first week. The following week for dinner and a little bit of shopping and then the third week was another movie. Last time he seen her was probably the end of October. Since then they have had a death in the family, totaled a car and then he got hurt at work and was off for a few weeks. All understandable legit things that happened. BUT its almost christmas and he still has not seen her. She asks me every week and i tell her that I'm waiting to see when hes back to work. He will tell me that he is going to get her and he will get back with me on a time and day but it never happens. I would like her to have this relationship with her father and spent almost a year talking to him and his family because they met and I even met with a counselor to work out a plan for this and I'm almost feeling like i made a mistake. My daughter was 4 when me and my husband got together and he was planning on adopting her this upcoming year and now I feel like I almost made the wrong choice. ANY advice would be great!!!! THANKS!
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December 8th, 2013, 10:14 AM
katylady's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Oregon
Posts: 3,446
No advice as I have not been in your situation. Hugs and I'm sure you will figure out the best for your daughter.
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December 17th, 2013, 11:54 AM
rachelc0's Avatar 2 sons, 5 angel babies
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 957
lucky kids have 1 mother and 1 father actively in their lives.

blessed kids have more. jsut because he's back in the picture doesn't mean your husband can't be a father figure as well. make it known to dad that he can't just pop in and out when it's convinient for him. obviously times will arise when the regular visitation isn't going to work, and that's ok. but he should make some sort of effort. Skype. phone calls. anything is better than nothing.

let him know that if he doesn't want to make an effort on a regular basis, you have no problem going back to the family unit you had before. sometimes i feel like this bio fathers take a little more advantage than they should. you know, you give an inch and they take a mile? make your position VERY clear and put it all back on his lap; 'do you want to be apart of her life or not'. if he's turned over a new leaf (which it sounds like maybe he has), then he should straighten right up, knowing that you aren't joking around.

good luck! xx
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met for the first time, new family, so confused, what do i do

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