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They're ganging up on me again. How much more

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September 11th, 2004, 02:18 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 3,469
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Ok the IL's are at it again. Dh is starting to side with the family now also. Telling me I need to let our son have his drivers license when he turns 16. That I should just pay for his drivers ed and etc. related to driving. They keep telling me dh is disabled. That our son can take dh places if needed. Ha. Not if son is in school all day. They don't want to realize. Our insurance will double if we have a teen driver in the house. I just barely afford what insurance we have now on the car. I would hope when our son graduates high school he'll go off to college. Which means he wouldn't be home for dad much to drive him places as it is. Or is it the IL's think our son should not go to college and live at home for ever helping care for dad. They hadn't mentioned that. I so far have been standing my ground on son must earn the money for drivers ed, his license, car, car insurance and upkeep on a car. That he'll be a more responsible driver and more responsible with the car he gets if he earns the money. This got a bit heated this morning. Well dh was to drive son to school by 5:45am. So the band could go to play for a state college football game with a mess of other schools. It was like a 2 hour drive to the game plus they had to come early for a quick rehearsal with the other schools involved. I think the game started at 11am or so. Dh was not feeling good this morning. So I made son ride his bike to school. He griped badly. Moms such a moron for not letting me have my drivers license. He don't turn 16 till the end of March. So he's got a ways yet before he could drive. I'm stick in the middle of my morals on this and what the family says I have to do. It's like they're acting like I'm not a good parent if I don't pay for sons driver ed etc. I wanted to say. Excuse me. My father refused to pay drivers ed for us kids and for our cars etc. He said get a job earn your own money.
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September 11th, 2004, 11:38 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 1,663
Driver's Ed. here is part of the curriculum so it is free, but my parents DID tell me that I had to come up with the money for a car, insurance, etc. I plan on telling the same thing to my kids. I totally agree with you, and I don't think you are a bad mom. You are just trying to teach him responsibility. Chin up! I hope things get better!!!
wife to my wonderful husband David since 6/29/02 and mommy to Isabel Jacqueline born 12/31/04

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September 12th, 2004, 04:41 AM
TylerJ1029's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: at my desk
Posts: 27,881
Driving and having a car is a privilage not a requirement. If he wants it sooo bad then he will find a way to get it. If not there are buses, bikes, taxi's, friends... How else is he going to learn responsiblity if you just give me money for drivers ed and a car and car insurance. I think that your IL's should just butt out.

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September 12th, 2004, 09:11 AM
Goodnu2003's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Manchester N.H.
Posts: 1,352
I agree the IL's should butt OUT!! If they think its a good idea and your doing wrong tell them to pay for it!!! (IMO)....I agree that if a child wants it that bad "save for it" ....Thats what I had to do, my parents didnt pay for ANYTHING when it came to driver ed, a car,insurance etc.....And I had $ for my first car and before I could buy one I had to prove to them that I could do and oil change and a tire change incase I was stranded....believe me I had the $ and still had to do what my parents told me tooo...I think now a days kids want the world and expect mom and dad to be there and pay for everything!! I think you are doing the right thing and you are NOT a bad parent...

I hope everything gets better and works out for you!!
<span style="font-family:Times">Rose</span>

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September 12th, 2004, 08:08 PM
Posts: n/a
Carol, stand your ground. There are a lot of people on your side on this one. Look at it this way: if you give in, you're rewarding him for being irresponsible.
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September 13th, 2004, 02:09 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
[FONT=Arial][COLOR=purple]Stand your ground for what you believe in. It is your son, it is your money, and its not their business. DS needs to prove himself responsible and be able to pay for his own insurance, gas, etc. Just tell them to butt out it is not of their concern. Talk to DH and remind him of the money that it will cost you if DS does not come up with it, and remind him that DS will not be home to take him around to wherever and that DS when not in school is not going to be wanting to take his Dad around town when he could be taking his friends/girls out and about, which would result in more tension for you guys.

Hang in there!!
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September 13th, 2004, 03:38 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 3,469
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I know a drivers ed instructor. We worked together at a job when I was 19. He decided to get into drivers ed teaching for some driving school. He told me the rules are really strict in our state for teen drivers. That our son is better off waiting till he graduates high school to get his license. That at that point. He'll be 18 and an adult. So therefore a parent or other driver who had their license at least a few years and is age 21 or older can teach our son to drive. All son would have to do is get a motor vehicle handbook and study up on the rules of driving for his written test. No class to take. All he would have to do is wait a couple months after he got his temps. Then come back and take his road test if he felt ready for it. That couple months is probably what they call practice time you should do before attempting your road test. If son wants his license at 16. He'll have to work a lot harder to get it. Not talking the money part only. But the drivers ed instruction is more intense for teens. They want to make sure teens are able to drive responsible. I told dh. If his family makes a gripe about son driving. I am telling them. Then they can pay for it, buy him the car, insurance etc. related to having a car.
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September 13th, 2004, 05:23 PM
Alice's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 2,057
How about this:

Could you find a way to pay for driver's ed, but nothing else?? That way, at least when he's eligible to drive without it (17??) he will at least be a safer driver. He will have learned to drive with a certified instructor in a car with dual brakes. He will have seen the movies that show what happens to drivers who don't drive defensively. He'll have heard the phrase "steer into a skid" and so on. From what you've said about your son in the past, I don't see him taking your word for any of this. So at least he'll learn to become a safe driver and you'll sleep better when he does drive.

But that's it. You will have given him the education. It's up to him to get off his tush and get a job to pay for a car and some insurance. Otherwise, he can't use yours.

Or would that cause more problems than it would solve?
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