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HELP---Going Crazeeeee

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September 25th, 2004, 03:02 AM
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 3
I am 21 and 6 1/2 mons pregnant and I live with my boyfriend and I feel like things have been falling apart ever since I got pregnant. My BF and I moved in very early in our relationship and I got pregnant right away(unplanned) and I have always been a very outgoing person and never had a down side that I couldn't shrug off, but now that I am pregnant my way of thinking has totally changed and not to mention I am so sensitive and now starting to feel differant about my BF because he is still hanging out late at night and leaving me at home all alone until whenever he feels like coming home,and it's starting to get to me. I even sat him down several times and told him how I felt but he tells me he feels like I am jealous b/c I can't go out and party, which may be true in a way but I am afraid that he's starting to feel obligated to me b/c of the baby. Before I got pregnant I was very independant and made most of the money in the home and now I am currently working a low paying job and he pays all the bills which makes me feel like I should do little things around the house and run errands and things but he has gotten so comfortable that he doesn't even help me with anything, I wash,clean,cook,do laundry, and pick up behind him and I can't do it anymore. He knows I have a history of panic attacks and yet he continues to argue and put me on guilt trips about any and everthing. He drinks and goes out so much that I doubt he'll even know if I go into labor cause he'll be out with his friends.Theres so much more to the story but I would be typing a novel but PLEASE help I am about to lose my mind!!!!!!!
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September 25th, 2004, 06:10 AM
TylerJ1029's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: at my desk
Posts: 27,881
(((HUGS))). Its hard to be young with an unplanned pregnancy. I'm 22 with a 11 month old son and a husband. We were only dating at the time I got pregnant. I got pregnant within the first week of us sleeping togeather. Its hard. As women our minds and bodies know we need to sort of grow up and get it together fast to make a warm loving home for our baby but guys (especially at our age) dont really have that instinct.
This is what I would say to him: I would say thank you for getting a better job and taking care of most of the bills I really appreciate that and it helps me out. I've been trying to do my best with household chores but it has been taking a toll on me. Its really hard to do everything and be almost 7 months pregnant. It would really help me out if at least once a week you did a couple chores. For example maybe on tuesdays you could wash the dishes and take care of dinner. Also tell him that if he wants to be a loving supportive part of this baby's life that he kinda needs to staighten out. That doesnt mean he cant go out anymore but he should cut it down to 1 maybe 2 times a week.
In all honesty if all else fails its better to find out now that it wasnt meant to be with him than to find out later.
If you need anything please feel free to PM me (just click the button below). Good luck!

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September 25th, 2004, 08:47 AM
I Heart 4x4
Posts: n/a
In all honesty if all else fails its better to find out now that it wasnt meant to be with him than to find out later.[/b]
Jennifer is completely right about this. Is your BF scared to become a dad? Maybe the whole thought of you being pregnant and stuff scares him and that's why he is out partying.

I am a young mom, too. I am 20 with a nearly 2 year old son. I am also married, for 1.5 years. Although my DH does not go out with me - ever - my ex-BF did (my ex-BF is my son's biological ... well sperm-donor ... "dad" doesn't apply to him ). He would go out until 3 or 4 in the morning and do god knows what - turns out he was cheating on me and going to illegal street races and smoking weed and drinking and well, god knows what else. LOL. Finally I got sick of it and left. I had tried pleading with him, I even tried going with him ... we moved in together too quick (after knowing each other about ... mm 2 months or so) and got pregnant a month later, broke up a month after that. We were together 4 months and thats it! I was lucky enough to meet my DH during my 6th month of pregnancy.

Am I saying your BF is out doing all that stuff? No way! I'm just saying I view that kind of stuff as disrespectful not only to you, but to your relationship and your child.

What I did was tell my ex that he needed to quit being a jerk, get a job, and grow up. He decided he would rather be unemployed and immature ... and did I mention single?

I moved out and haven't had a regret since!

My heart goes out to you, hon. PM me if you want to talk more!
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September 26th, 2004, 11:05 PM
grneydgurl's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 1,541
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I was 20 when I got pregnant with my son and we had friends that were in a band. My EXDH and friends and I would go to the live shows while I was pregnant and I would stay up and party with them but I just wouldnt drink. I would drink coke and be the designated driver. I didnt stay home alone unless, my ex was working or I just didnt feel like going.

My girlfriends and I used to go dancing in nightclubs until I was about 7-7 1/2 months pregnant.

There shouldnt be any reason why you should not be able to go along with him. And if he doesnt like it, go out with your friends until all hours of the night, see how he likes it.... Just because you are pregnant doesnt mean you are dead.

I think you should try and sit down and ask to go with him to the parties and just dont drink, be the designated driver just to have a night out, stress off your plate. My EX used to try that barefoot and pregnant routine and I worked fulltime as well, until he ran out of clean clothes for himself and he got the picture real quick. Sometimes you have to play them against their own games to get them to realize how much of an a** they are being to get them to realize.
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September 27th, 2004, 01:17 PM
Posts: n/a
:hug2: i had a similar problem to yours i was 18 when i got preggo with my first and 19 with my second and now im 20 with my third!!! ###### that sounds REALLY REALLY bad but what can i say? the patch the pill and condoms do NOT work(at least for me! im like a walking egg screaming "Fertilize Me! Fertilize Me!" lol) only mine was doing the exact same things that Ashley has mentioned and we were together for 3 1/2 years! sucks but somehow you get through it...ITA with grneydgrl! 2 things can happen..he either gets the picture and straightens out or he just well...doesnt give a ###### and then you have to make a decision...i hope things will soon work out for you because this is not a time for you to be stressed out at all!! try telling him how he needs to be more sensitive to your thoughts and needs especially since you are preggo with his kid!!!! alot of guys underestimate the problems and emotions during pregnancy, so letting him know EXACTLY what youre going may help him realize...maybe talk him into going to one of your doctors appointments...thats how i got my baby daddy to act right(well for at least a little while...lol)when they actually SEE and HEAR the doctor talk about what youre going through and what you should and should NOT do may make him do things a lil bit differently
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September 28th, 2004, 06:55 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
I have to agree with the girls on this one! You have a choice to join him in partying, which wouldn't be the best decision for the baby, or talk to him again and tell him how you feel and be firm in that if the behavior continues, then you are out of there.

Hang in there! (((HUGS)))
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