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So sad and confused...

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October 23rd, 2004, 01:48 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Boothwyn, PA
Posts: 1,026
I don't know if I post this here or in mental health...anyway...the other day I got on the computer and DH never closed out of the programs he was running. Well, in addition to a sea of various porn, he also left his email open. He had messages from women from some of the porn sites (things like" did you forget @ me and his email address" and "yes I'm still a virgin and his email address " etc.)as well as GET THIS! -- ONLINE DATING SERVICES---3 DIFFERENT ONES JUSt IN HIS EMAIL ALONE!!!! UNDER 3 DIFFERENT LOG ON NAMES (I only had to put the i1st letter of his name and a bunch of different log on attempts came up. all followed by his email address. Things haven't been well with us lately (he thinks he is the only one contributing to the family and he has no fun and bull sh*t like that) He has been belittling me more lately although after the fight we had Tues. he said he would never again...blah, blah, blah. I knew about some of the porn but I had no idea how much and the dating services have put it well over the edge. I feel so stuck. Should I confront him, should I hire someone to see if he is following thru on any of this dating crap...We live in a nice home and I don't feel like I should be the one to have to leave. I could live with my mom and stepdad but that would mean them 2, me, Ryan, the new baby and my 2 cats crammed into a 2 bedroom twin. His sister and cousin are living with us now. If he is cheating I am entitled to 75 % of everything according to PA law. So what is the best route to take. Also I plan on starting nursing school next fall and I'm now only working part time. What do I do? Any advice would be helpful. I am feeling so overwhelmed. He'll be home in 2 hours.

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October 23rd, 2004, 01:54 PM
Posts: n/a
I am so very very sorry. You shouldn't have to put up with this from your husband....EVER.

My advice....very calmly show him what you found and tell him you deserve the truth.

Beyond that I don't know what to say....I guess it depends on him, what you both want ect.

If you do decide to seperate for a bit...he should leave....JMO.

Big hug!!!
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October 23rd, 2004, 01:58 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: arlington, va
Posts: 21,980

i agree with Dani. Dont get upset. If you talk to him rationally he will probably be more willing to talk to you so you can make a rational decision about wether or not you are going to seperate.

more hugs.(((hugshugshugs)))

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October 23rd, 2004, 02:30 PM
I Heart 4x4
Posts: n/a
((hugs)) Dani is completely right. I am so sorry! Keep us updated.
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October 23rd, 2004, 02:31 PM
Posts: n/a
Wow this is a tough one to answer. I would just talk to him about what you have found and see what happens from there. I also think if you two were to seperate, then he should be the one to leave. I'm sorry this has happened to you! I couldnt even imagine what you must be going through right now. Good luck in whatever you decide!
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October 24th, 2004, 07:48 AM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
I am sorry to hear that he has been such a jerk and to see what he is doing. Maybe by not shutting down the computer, he wanted you to find out what he was up and was hoping to get a reaction out of you or to see if you would just leave so he didn't have to deal with whatever. If I were you, I would go take a shower and calm down. When he gets home, comfront him with what you know and see what happens. If you decide to stay, then I suggest that you guys try to get some counseling. If you decide to separate, then HE is the one that needs to leave. I think you should go to counseling even if you do separate just for yourself to help you through it all.

Hang in there and keep us posted. Feel free to post here anytime about ANYTHING.
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October 24th, 2004, 10:06 AM
Posts: n/a
Hun, I'm SOOO sorry!!! I'm hoping you figure out the best thing to do for YOU & YOUR KIDS!!!

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October 25th, 2004, 08:09 AM
Ravenae's Avatar Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 35
are you sure alot of that wasnt just spam mail?? i know even i get porn spam in my mailbox, and they use my addy, my first name, where i live, you name it to make it sound personal. i would say 98% of porn emails are spam. BUT the fact that you went to some sites, and found log-in names, is not good. i would talk to him about that, because that is just not right. im sorry you have to deal with this
Me - 28
DH - 30
DS - 9 - January 24, 1996
DS - 6 - Novemember 1, 1998

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October 25th, 2004, 10:11 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Boothwyn, PA
Posts: 1,026
Thanks so much for everyones support...We had a tough day yesterday. He said that he has been on a few porn sites but once you go to one, 5 more diff ones pop up, etc. etc. and he denies ever going into the dating services. Pop ups have come up and he swears that he popped off of them but could have popped on them instead and then got out. He said he's never been on there looking for someone else and about the diff log on names...the computers memory automatically brings up diff spellings and such as you type something in. (like an email, name etc.) I said I didn't believe him and things have been hard and I know he is not happy...Things have been on and off alot for us lately. He swears Ryan and I are the best things in his life and it would be him that lost everything if we were to separate...He said he has never emailed anyone but has put his email on a few sites. Now he gets sooo many. Long story short..(I know too late for that) Hewill get another email or we will share an email (I'll keep the one I have now for business) and he will not log on to any more porn. He does not want to lose our family and our family is the only thing hes ever wanted..Oh and we will be going to conseling( he has been asking me to go for a few months but I see the point of it now!) I dunno--even if what he says is true, I still feel upset about the whole thing. We will see. I really want to believe him but I don't want to be an idiot either. We are going to try to work things out, so next year we will either be happily married or you will all be invited to one hell of a divorce party! Thanks Again for your advice and kind words!!

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