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Don't Know Which Is Worse

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October 30th, 2005, 04:21 PM
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Phelps, Kentucky
Posts: 7
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I HAD this best friend, Shea, who I loved just about as much as anyone could love another person. We had been through it all together and I thought we would always be friends. UNTIL, a mutual friend ahowed me some e-mails that my supoosed best friend was saying that my dh wanted her and was going to leave me and my son for her and so on and so forth. I felt like my heart would just stop. I confronted her and she admitted to saying those things and to having been with my husband in a physical way (he admitted it, as well). I don't know who I was am hurt and angry at. I canot believe all of this. It's like a bad dream. You just had to know all of us. Her husband is one of the sweetest men God ever put on this planet and he was my dh best friend. Now all is lost and I feel more alone and suspicious of people everyday. Am I not the most stupid person on this planet to have all of this going on and just idly standing by while it was happening? Oh well, thanks for "listening" to my whining! I hope none of you ever have to go through this!!!!!
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October 30th, 2005, 04:32 PM
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 291
I am very sorry you have to go through this

I will tell you things that my grandmother used to say - it isn't meant to be trite -

Strong trees bend but do not break

Things that don't kill us make us stronger

This too shall pass

(It doesn't seem like that now but someday this will be a distant, albeit terrible, memory)

Can I suggest that you decide what you are going to do and put a plan in place?

Anotherwords - are you going to stay with your husband?

If not, you have some planning to do -

if you are -

well - I guess you'll have to find out if he intends to continue the relationship
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October 30th, 2005, 04:41 PM
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Phelps, Kentucky
Posts: 7
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We are working on it.... as for said friend, that is over for sure. I see her all of the time and feel like ... well ... it's not pretty thoughts. She just acts like all is well and that I over reacted. It's messed up. Our kids were playmates and now my ds doesn't know why he doesn't see her dd anymore. I can't exactly tell him so I try to avoid it as much as I can. I feel like a fool for being did that way but there are times when I miss her... now that is warped for sure.
Your quotes are true, I know and I am holding on to the hope that time will heal all wounds and I wil just get stronger... keep the hope for me!!!!!
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October 30th, 2005, 04:51 PM
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 291
I don't believe you have any reason to feel the fool - for anything. You have done nothing wrong.

I give you credit for trying to work it out. Are you seeing a counselor? together and by yourself? Is there a church or clergy kind of person you could talk with?

I think what you miss is the connectedness that can come with a solid friendship. It isn't that you miss her so much as what you had.

She is no friend, hun, none at all.

Um - I'm not trying to stir up pain - but how long ago did this situation take place? Is he still maintaining the relationship?

I am not surprised she is trying to have you think/feel you overreacted - it would get her off the hook - responsibility wise - if you took on the burden of feelings and such

Remember you have done NOTHING wrong - she did - and your husband did - he broke sacred vows - your wedding vows -

there is no excuse for that

and she is pretty pathetic if she slept with someone else's husband -

she obviously has a pretty low opinion of herself -

she doesn't think she deserves better than someone else's husband

there can never be anything good come of that -

your son doesn't understand now but he will have other friends -

friends will come and go out of his life for the duration of it - people move away - things happen -

so I wouldn't worry too much about that -

don't let her make you feel guilty about it either

you know - I had a tough life growing up and then I went through some really hard things on my own - I made some bad choices that wound up getting me hurt

I remember in college when my boyfriend (who I thought I would marry) also had physical relations with my girlfriend - I felt devestated

anyway -

these things made me stronger and made me know that no man is worth losing my self over -

I love dh but I did explain to him before we got married that there were certain things I would not tolerate -

I was giving him the opportunity to walk away and have us just be friends if he couldn't abide by such things -

I remember when I told them to this guy I was dating who was from England - although he was actually Italian -

when I told him I'd demand fidelity - I remember all the color going out of his face as I told him that I would divorce him the next business day ...

well - that told me everything -

and I ended it

So anyway - with dh now -

I told him the following were things that would land him in divorce court:

- Drug and/or alcohol abuse

- If he ever hit me or the kids (we would have someday)

- If he cheated on me

These were things I learned the hard way and I felt it was better he know how I felt

and I told him once while I was pg - that I didn't care if I was pg or we had a child or ten kids - those conditions still existed

so I give you credit for sticking it out and trying to work on it -

I couldn't do it

I wish you the best -
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October 31st, 2005, 11:54 AM
**Mary**'s Avatar mom to Tabby,Kk,Emi & Jay
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Georgia
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I am so sorry you had to go through something like that.

mom to: Tabitha 9,Katelyn 7,Emily 5,Jay 2 and Natalie Marie (5.31)

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November 2nd, 2005, 08:59 AM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
I am so sorry that you are going through this! Just remember you did nothing wrong, it was totally 100% them! I completely agree with these other gals as well.

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November 2nd, 2005, 04:23 PM
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Phelps, Kentucky
Posts: 7
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Thank all of you for listening!!!! Sorry I haven't been online, I have been fundraising for the school for the past few days!
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November 15th, 2005, 04:43 PM
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TAA TAA is offline
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 248
Hi. I'm new to this board and figured I'd see what was going on in here. This made me so mad when I read this. Has anyone told or considered telling the other husband? If your ex-friend thinks you're over reacting well maybe she wouldn't mind that her husband knew. I know it sounds evil but in my opinion (and that's all it is) I think he should know too.
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November 17th, 2005, 09:07 AM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
How are you doing?? I was just wondering what was going on and how you were doing. Check in with us!
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November 23rd, 2005, 07:45 AM
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 444
Oh you poor thing. I really feel for you. I would be sad and angry about this type of situation if it were me. BUT I would put my husband before any friend. He is the one you made the commitment to for life and married. You have a life with him and a family (and a child I assume). She is just an acquaintance and now a very horrible person for invading on your life in such a way. I really hope things work out for the best for you and your husband. If it were me I'd honestly care nothing about someone like that friend of your's but that's just me.
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