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my ex and this whole pregancy....

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March 17th, 2008, 11:25 AM
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 38
okay, this pregancy has been an interseting one.... When I first found out that I was pregnant, my ex was all there for me. really supportive..... we were going to stay together, keep the baby and be a family..... at least thats how it was supposed to work..... but it didnt..... He was there for me for the first 7 months, then tells me to decide between him and my son..... I chose my son, chosing to be a single mom and raise him alone.... I'm due on Friday, and to be honset, scared to death..... I can't wait to hold my son and love him and tell him how much he means to me, but at the same time, im totally scared. im doing this alone, without much help and just cant seem to understand why he left. I thought he loved me..... I thought he loved my son......

ever since we broke up, he hasnt shown much of an interset in Shane's well-being. He just kinda either ignores me or brushes off any attempt I make to tell him about Shane and how he's doing. He'd much rather play that stupid Wow card game than want to know about the child that we created together. Does he love Shane? I'm not sure. I have my doubts. What kind of man wouldn't want to know how his son is doing? what kind of man would be there for 7 months, then take off? and what man would hold a freaking card game more valuable than the life that we created? I'm so confused..... and lets not talk about dating again..... im not sure if I could trust another man after what happened. I dont want to hurt my son, but I also know that there are good men out there, and I will find one.....

I'm so lost and confused, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out, waiting for the world to end!!!!!!!

is this normal?
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March 17th, 2008, 12:58 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 27,101
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It is very normal sweetie.

My boyfriend does not know the date his daughter was born (she was still born), he does not know where she is buried. Mind you, there were other circumstances surrounding the pregnancy (he didn't step up right away, someone else did, and he was asked to give up rights so she could be adopted by the other guy at birth). I am actually friends with the mother, and I know all the information, and he has no interest. I have no hard feelings against him for it, but he's been made aware he's got no choice to step up when I get pregnant.

My ex has no interest in the children we had conceived, the only part of their lives he was in was he took me for the termination procedure when I began to miscarry one. After that he's never asked anything. He didn't want any part of their lives when I was going to give birth to them, he didn't want them to have his name, or be named after anyone in his family.

Keep your chin up. Someone once told me, a woman is a mommy the minute she is pregnant, a man is a daddy the minute he sees his child. They don't understand what it's like for the most part, because they don't have to live it. But when Shane is here, he may step up and be what you need him to be. but regardless, a big HUGS! goes out to you, and good luck with your delivery!
1798 Days to Conceive our Miracle!
Baby Girl Due August 7th 2017!!

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March 19th, 2008, 02:54 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
(((HUGS))) I am sorry you are going through this!! Do you have someone to be there for you at the hospital? I know its not the same as not having the father there, but at least you wont be totally alone. I have heard of some guys doing that, they see the mother getting bigger and they freak out realizing that this is real. I hope he comes around for his child's sake.
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May 22nd, 2008, 06:14 PM
Posts: n/a
((hugs)). Suprisingly this is more common than you think. I witnessed this through my sisters pregnancy. Her son's father left her when she was 2 months pregnant after beating the crap out of her. I'm sorry but men like this are ridiculous. I think you are better off rasing Shane on your own. And wait to even start looking for a new guy until you are completely ready, and you have Shane to think about. I wish you the best of luck.
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