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November 19th, 2007, 08:36 PM
lovemyluck's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: KU Jayhawk land baby!!
Posts: 2,575
Here is Carli's story:

This could get pretty long...just to warn you ahead of time.

I had a normal pregnancy with Carli all the way up until a routine u/s at 29w5d. My dr prefers to wait until at least 28 weeks for the big u/s to make sure everything is I guess formed to his satisfaction. We went in and had the u/s, and after a little bit, the tech left to go wash her hands and blow her nose, which I thought was odd. Nothing had been said at this point. I walked down to my dr's pod to see about getting some more heartburn medicine. Got that, left, got something to eat at the convience store and had Casey take me back to work. Well, as soon as I walked in the door at work, my dr's nurse was on the phone for me. She told me she had tried calling my cell, and that the dr wanted me to come back to talk to him, and to bring Casey with me.

Just to fill you in, just that morning I had the briefest thought of, "I hope everything is alright!" I couldnt quite explain it, but I had always felt there was something a little off. I bought cute little baby clothes, but never took the tags off, which is VERY unusual for me. We bought a new travel system, but I never took it out of the box, just things like that.

I got Casey to come back and get me, and we headed back to see my dr. We went in his office, and he looked like HE was gonna cry. I knew then that something was seriously wrong. He told us that Carli had a hole in her diaphragm, and that some of her stomach and intestines were in her chest cavity. The diaphragm keeps the lungs and heart separate from the stomach and intestines. Sometime around 8-10 weeks, the diaphragm just didnt close up all the way. With her stomach and intestines being in her chest cavity, it was causing her left lung to not have room to develop properly, and that it was pushing her heart over to the right, which was making the right lung not have room to develop properly either. He suggested that we see a maternal-fetal dr in Topeka.

We were informed that the name of this condition is called Congential Diphragmatic Hernia (CDH). We were told that Carli had about a 50/50 chance of living. The dr in Topeka really wanted me to go see a specialist at KU Med.

WE went and saw the specialist at KU Med. He name was Dr. Weiner (like a hot dog weiner!), and no I am not kidding, that was really his name. The only positive thing that came from that whole appt, was we got a good face picture of Carli, which we hadnt yet seen. Before we had even had the u/s done, he came in the room and told us that more than likely Carli had a chromosone defect, and that he really thought I should have an amnio. He basically told us that there was pretty much a 99% chance of the defect. We went in and had the sono done. I have never felt so horrible in all my life. He just seemed to keep throwing things at us. At first, he thought Carli had a cleft palate. Then he told us that she had a hole in her heart, but that it was in an odd place. He told us that her liver was rotated and that there was a cyst on it. That her kidneys were hooked together in a horse shoe shape, and that she had rocker bottom feet. All of this of course, along with the CDH. He then told me that he really thought I should do the amnio, which I thought was a good idea. He said that they would do a fish test, that would test the main chromosones that you see affected, and that we would have those results the next day. That ride home was the worst thing ever. He informed us that there was no need to meet with the drs from Childrens Mercy, which is where Carli was going to go right after birth. He was POSITIVE that there were chromosone issues!! He called both of my other drs to let them know what he found out.

The next day I went in to see my regular dr. He said that Weiner had called him and told him to just induce me (which wouldnt happen anyhow, since I have had 2 c-sections) and basically to let her die. At least I could have my family with me. My dr told me that we could do one of two things, go ahead and deliver here, which is a small town, and doesnt have a NICU, or any capabilities to save a baby like this, or I could deliver with the other dr in Topeka. It was a no brainer. Why wouldnt I at least deliver where they had a NICU, and my kids would have the chance to see there little sister alive. I waited for the results of the fish test. They finally called around 5pm that Friday. The genetic counselors words were this: :They came out SURPRISYLING (sp?) WELL!" That just pissed me off.

I had to wait a week I think it was to see the other dr in Topeka. He did another u/s, and told me he didnt see anything that that other dr had seen, other than the CDH. WE finally got the results of the amnio. 100% normal. They usually test between 20-40 pairs of chromosones. This man tested over 100 pairs. It was like he couldnt believe he was wrong!! We made the decision to deliver in Topeka with him. The game plan was for us to deliver 2 weeks before by planned c-section. So we made our appt with Childrens Mercy. They talked to us and showed us the NICU and where Carli would be. The game plan was for her to be intubated right after birth, and once stable, be flown to Childrens Mercy in Kansas City. Once there they would try to do surgery to fix the hernia, and put the stomach and intestines back in place. She would more than likely be on ECMO (a really scary machine, a heart/lung bypass machine) that would take the pressure off her lungs and heart, so that her lungs could grow.

That day we had her was one of the hardest days of my life. We went in, were suppose to have a 8:30am c-section. Well, I have some funky antibody, so they had to work on finding blood that I could have since I have had to have a blood transfusion with the last two. We finally get in to have the c-section. Carli Mae was born at 11:12am March 20, 2007. She didnt get to do a good cry, but she did make a few sounds as if to let me know that she was there. They kept telling me how good she looked. They took her to the NICU while they finished up the c-section. I had to be in recovery for 1 & 1/2 hrs. That sucked!!

They took me down so see her when I was finally done in recovery. At this point, all I have had is the spinal. I got to see her...and she was so perfect!! If you wouldnt have known any better, you wouldnt have thought there was anything wrong with her. Casey asked me if I wanted them to tell me what was going on. They had the team that was going to fly her up to Childrens working on her. The guy, John, told me that as of right now, things didnt look good. They were doing all that they could. I stayed down there for quite a while. Here I am maybe 2 hours out of surgery, and I am standing up, leaning over Carli's warmer. I think it finally started taking a toll on me, cuz I got really nauseous. I told the nurse I didnt feel good, that I felt like throwing up. You should have seen them scrambling to find me something. I did end up throwing up, but it was just that funky stuff in your tummy. I was really hot too, which makes sense since I had been leaning over her warmer. The NICU nurse told them to get me out of there, but John asked if I was ok, and that I could stay if I wanted to. I did end up going back to my room for a little bit, to rest a touch and take some much needed pain meds.

I dont know how long I had been up there, when the social worker came to get me. They wanted me to come see Carli before they took her to Childrens. I made it up there, and had just given her my pep talk that she could do this, and that I woul be there as soon as I could. One of the other people from Childrens came in and told me that they werent going to be able to take her. That they had done everything they could, but that there wasnt anything else that could be done. They couldnt get her PH levels stable, and that it turns out that the hernia was alot worse than they thought it was initially. Turns out that Carli had little, if no, left lung tissue. Without that tissue there was no way for it to grow at all.

That was hard! To hear them tell me that there was nothing that could be done. They told us that we could keep her on the vent as long as we wanted, but that the longer she was on it, the more pain she would be in. Casey and I had talked about this before. We knew what needed to be done. We made the decision to let everyone that had come to see Carli, see her one final time. We gave Mikaela the option to be with us when we took Carli off the vent. She passed on that. It is so hard to make the decision to take away the one thing that is keeping your baby alive. We got to love on her, and cuddle her for quite a while before we took the vent out. It was taken out at 10:54pm, and Carli was with us until 11:32pm.

After they cleaned her up and took out all the wires and whatnot, they brought her to us in a family room. We had everyone there with us. We passed her around so everyone got to hold her. I even got to give her a bath, and dress her in an outfit we had brought. The funny thing is, I almost didnt bring an outfit, because she was gonna go to Children's and wouldnt have needed one. We were with her until 2:30am that next morning when I decided that I had to get some sleep. It was so hard giving her to the nurse.

They were wonderful at that hospital. They offered to move me to a different area, but I decided to stay where I was. They just kept the door shut. They brought her into us at 10:30am the next morning, and she stayed in the room with us until about 10:30pm that night. We had people come and see us, and they got to hold her and love her. I know to some that it may seem odd that we all held her and loved on her, but I really do think it helps alot with closure.

We got to see her a little more the next day. We wanted to see her before the funeral home came to get her. I was dismissed from the hospital on March 22, 2007. It was so hard to turn her over to the nurse for the final time. It just isnt right for a mother to have to do that!!

I think that is all that I can do for now. That is pretty much our story. I wouldnt wish it upon anyone! I do have my very own Angel looking out for us. I told someone that sometimes it takes someone 87 years to do what they have to do here on Earth, and some people it only takes them 12 hours and 20 minutes. My dr from Topeka described it perfectly when he told us that for the rest of our lives, it is going to be like we are walking on a beach. There are constantly going to be be those little waves that lap at your ankles....and sometimes we'll get knocked off our feet by a huge wave. So far that has held true.

Our Angel on Earth for 12 hours and 20 minutes!!
Carli Mae
7 lbs 20 in


<span style="color:#FF00FF"><span style="font-family:Tahoma"> Carli Mae Montage #1 Carli Mae Montage #2</span></span> Thanks Sara for my great sig!!!
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December 3rd, 2007, 10:53 AM
Posts: n/a
In April 2006 we found out I was pregnant for the first time and it was only our 3rd month of trying. Everything was great and at the 11 week checkup (in June) we were supposed to be able to hear the heartbeat for the first time. The doctor couldn't find it so she scheduled me for an u/s the next day. I was sure everything was okay and my doctor reassured me that it was.
When I was having the ultrasound done I could see the screen but I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be seeing. I realized a spot on the screen that was my baby and I asked the tech if it was alive. She said it depends on how far along I am. That's all she really said. She didn't tell me what was going on. After I got dressed I realized that it wasn't good and immediately started freaking out. She said she called the doctor and the doctor said she would call me that day to let me know what was going on. I didn't hear from the doctor at all that day and had to actually call the office the next day to find anything out. She told me the baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks and 4 days. She then asked if I had any cramping or spotting, which I did not. She scheduled me for a D&C the following Monday.
It was so surreal after the surgery. I was put completely under so it was like a dream when I woke up. I didn't really fully understand what happened until the next day when the morphine wore off. I was out of work that whole week, thank God. I was a mess and could not have dealt with what was to come from my coworkers.
There was a girl that I worked with who I had been friends with up until that point. When I came back to work, she didn't speak a word to me. Only a few people expressed any recognition of what had happened to me (everyone knew I was pregnant before) and out of those only one of those was a friend before this all happened. There was a rumor going around that instead of a miscarriage I actually had an abortion. Please be informed that most of these people are really uneducated and do not understand the concept of planned pregnancies and birth control, much less that a woman can have what is called a "missed miscarriage." Instead of asking questions they assumed that I just changed my mind on this baby I had intentionally conceived and decided it would be best to murder it.
After that I asked to be transferred to a different building. I was able to heal much better without being around such ugly monsters. In early August I got another BFP after trying for one month and I am still carrying that baby today. I am 20 weeks pregnant and everything is going great so far. I am still in fear of losing this baby, especially after finding out we are having a little girl. Knowing that she is a girl has brought me so much closer to her and I am definitely not taking this pregnancy for granted.
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December 27th, 2007, 12:14 PM
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 10
Hi all!!

This is a horrible wonderful, way to end a year. We lost my stepson last February, due to his disabilities (seizures) and such. We found out Chrsitmas morning that were having another baby!! Our daughter is 3 and a suprise blessing. Im so mixed emotionally right now, but we can only be happy that God has chosen for us to guide another life in this crazy world. Im feeling very pregnant already too, nausea, leg cramps and back aches! ugh, but I cant wait to shop for maternity clothes and start thinking about names and everything! Im just glad we decided to move home, and make a wonderful life for ourselves and give our daughter roots, and now the new baby too! Iam 4 weeks and 6 days today!
<div align="center">Mommy to a Beautiful little girl 11-04
Wife to the worlds greatest hubby 8-07
Mommy to an angel 12w 4d 2-18-08
Stepmommy to an angel 4-03~2-07</div>
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March 26th, 2008, 08:31 AM
mrsasham's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Winnipeg, Manitoba
Posts: 246
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On December 6, 2006 just 18 days after we got married, we found out we were expecting again, we have already had 4 miscarriages so we waited to tell our family and friends, December 27 we had our first ultra sound, and it was perfect, we saw the specialist and he saw no need for us to see him and referred us to a regular doctor.

We felt so good about our pregnancy, I rejoiced in morning sickness, I loved every minute of it. Late January 2007 we started having some bleeding, we were told it was normal and not to worry, well we didnt .... So while we were picking out baby names and talking about the nursery ideas we had no idea our world would come crashing down....

April 2007 we were in and out of the hospital every week, doctors kept telling me I was fine, I was sure I was losing my mind and worrying for nothing, but as a mother I am very cautious so if I felt I had to be there I went.

May 2007 we were in the hospital every second day, I started dilating on May 20 we were almost 29 weeks.... May 24 2007 I went into hospital I had some bleeding again and again they told me I was fine and sent me home, I went home and was told to stay off my feet, this is a bigger feat then one thinks for me, I am not a very good patient..

May 25 2007...... I was doing as I was told for once spent the whole day on the couch watching movies, I had a nap and stood up and my water broke, I started crying, I was only 29 weeks 4 days I was early and scared.... But at the same time the doctors had told me about the success rate for babies at this stage and I was kinda excited....

My husband took me to the hospital and then left to pick up my daughter.... The nurses were so good, they had me hooked up to the monitors immediatly and everything looked good.....

My daughter got there from school and she was so excited... She got to see the ultrasound of the baby and help the nurse find his heart beat....

My daughter left with her grandparents and they started my IV with anti biotics and sent me to my room....

I had to share a room with another woman and I was so scared the whole time I was in the room with her, I got worse and worse scared....

After supper I started feeling not too bad and relaxed in my room..... About 10:00 pm I sent my husband home so I could sleep....

As soon as he left I couldnt sleep and lyed in bed checking fetal movements... At 12:00 am the nicu doctor came in to see how I was doing and explain about babies born at this age and how great there chances are now and she made me feel really good about everything...

1:00 AM came and still I hadn't felt any fetal movements..... They hooked me up to the monitors again and I stayed on them till 5:00 AM.... I still hadn't felt much movement but they said he could be sleeping....

The intern came in at 7:00AM and gave me an ultrasound everything looked fine and I could see his heart beating and his arms moving....

I went back to my room and had breakfast my husband arrived not long after.....

My parents came to visit me and check on how I was doing.... I was feeling really they wheeled me downtairs to the cafeteria for a snack and then I went back to my room, when I got there I noticed my amniotic fluid had changed color drastically, they said not to worry about it it was probably meconium, but they wanted to put me back on the monitors just to be sure...

They put me back on the monitors and my husbands aunt came to visit, they didnt like how low his heart beat was so they gave me another ultra sound at 3:10, at 3:15 his heart rate slowed down, we could still see him moving in the monitor but his rate was at 60....

They rushed me out for an emergency c section, there was no time for my husband to get scrubbed up so he had to stay in the hall......

My son was born at 3:22.... I never got to hold him while he was alive... He was born with group b strep and because he was early he couldnt fight it.....

While they were trying everything they could for my baby they were trying to stabilize me, my pulse had dropped very low and I wasnt taking in oxygen well.....

My husband finally got to come in the room at 4:00 the doctor came in to explain that Rennon wasnt doing very well and they were doing everything they could...

My son died at 4:42... they did everything they could possibly do for him and I am forever going to remember their kindness...

The doctor came in and told us what had happened and brought Rennon in to us....

He looked just like his dad, with red hair and a bum chin and he was a perfect little angel, he looked so peaceful and serene....

They took his footprints for us and a lock of his hair, they gave us a bag full of literature on how to deal with the loss of our child, they gave us a camera to use to take some pictures....

My minister came from the country to give Rennon the last rites and my parents and my Husband's father and girlfriend were there with us...

I have never felt so empty inside

I will love you forever Rennon
My forever baby!

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April 7th, 2008, 02:02 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: O'Fallon, IL
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My name is Nessa. I am 21 and currently 26 weeks with my current little miracle. I lost my first child at 11 weeks and 1 day on 1 November 2006.

I noticed i felt sick for 2 days, which is not normal for me at all (i am very picky and aware of my body). My friend said it was nothing. Well, the third day rolled around, and i noticed it didn't go away and that i was 2 weeks late! So she took us to the store and i bought a hpt. It came out positive, which scared me to death. We didn't have money, or a good place to live (bad trailor park). So i went to a free pregnancy clinic, and they confirmed the positive hpt. Two days later, i had an ultrasound to find out i was only 6 weeks along.

Everything went by normally, except i really didn't FEEL pregnant at 11 weeks...so i didn't think anything of it. I noticed one day that is started to have a dark discharge, but it wasn't bloody. It continued onto the next day, which was Halloween. I went trick-o-treating with some friends and felt very uncomfortable. I went to bed and didn't hink anything of it. The next day, i got into a big argument with my fiance at a friend's house, so we walked home (about two streets down). Along the walk home, i started cramping. They continued to get worse, and only felt better when i bent over holding my belly. When i got home, i told my fiance that i was cramping.

The next thing i know, i am in a car, on my way to the ER. By the time i got in and situated (less than on hour...WOW!), it had turned to a lighter red discharge, but not pure blood. They did an ultrasound, and couldn't find anything. So they pulled out the vaginal ultrasound and looked around. They wouldn't tell my anything. But i noticed that it hurt A LOT. I went back to my room, and waited there. My fiance went out for a cigarette. I got up to get something, and i screamed. I had blood running down my legs and dripping. My fiance ran in (he was just ouside the room on his way back), saw the blood, called a nurse, and tried to calm me down. I cleaned it up off the floor (i felt embarassed), and the nurse came in and gave me a pad to wear. About 10 min later, the doc came in and said that there were no signs of a fetus in the ultrasound. He said that i had a complete miscarriage. I lost it. He said that he was very sorry, but there was no way to tell what caused it. He came back an hour later, checked me, said i didn't need a D&C, and sent me home with some Vicatin's and told me to stay in bed.

I stayed in bed alright...depressed. I noticed the scary coincidence....i was 11 weeks 1 day...and i m/c on 11/1/06...too many ones for my happiness. I will forever love the first child i lost.

Thank you .:Shortcake:. for the awesome siggy!!

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April 24th, 2008, 01:12 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Kansas City, MO
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Im Jen. Had a successful pregnancy in 2003, Had first m/c in 2004 at 12wks. Had another successful pg in 2005 and 2006. In 2007 I had a miscarriage at 5wks and in January of 2008 I had another at 12 wks. I had some genetic testing done and found out I have MTHFR A and C, and lupus coagulant deficiency (Im prone to blood clots). This was our first cycle trying to concieve on all the new meds.

3 angels, and a baby due December 08!
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May 12th, 2008, 03:14 PM
angelmomjen's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 1,648
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I found out I was pregnant in March 2005, it was a shock and a blessing!! My first doctors appoinment was April 1st and pregnany was confirmed, had a ultrasound I was 8w1d..and my little baby was beautiful. I was given a due date of November 16th.

On July 2nd I was 21 weeks along and having mild cramping, backache..which I though was a kidney infection. I had a bloody discharge, and paged the doctor several times, with no answer..I left for L&D with a friend, the bleeding was not bad..but it was there..and scary. They could not find babys heartbeat due to maternal size..Im large. And the contraction belts wernt low enough to feel my contractions..that I found out later I was having.

They found the HB and sent me home with a UTI...I was relived. Hour or two later the pain was unbearable..I could not talk through it..walk through it..I went into the restroom..and thought I was constipated...my water broke...Husband and I rushed to the hospital..paging the doctor over and over ....when I stood up the hemoraging started blood coverd me waist down..they rushed me in..my son was born 6 mins later..his heart beat until he went into the birth canal...then we lost him. 16oz..10.5 inches long. He was beautiful and I was broken.
It took me almost three years to begin to feel whole agian..and now..Im 16 wks pregnant..and terrified...please pray...
Thanks Nami for my beautiful siggy!
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November 15th, 2009, 09:31 AM
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 12
My DH and I lost a baby but he was already born. Then DH left because it was so hard on him. He wants to come back and try to have another baby but I don't know if I can trust him to be there when we go through hard things. All of my life I wanted to have three babies, no more and no less. Now I feel guilty having another baby because I feel like I am betraying my little boy and not counting him any more. I don't really know what to do. I wish I could talk to Mum but she just passed away. I am not working so I am a SAHM. I don't know what to go.

Last edited by amanda86; November 15th, 2009 at 09:41 AM.
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May 26th, 2010, 11:08 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 2,992
I guess i will post mine....

I was about 3 weeks pregnant when i found out, wasn't really ready for a baby it took me about a week to get used to the idea of haveing a baby again. Around 4 week i had woken up with no syptoms didn't really think much of it, may 3 all morning i was haveing really bad cramps along with some brown spotting i thought i was normal, but the brown just kept comeing so i took a shower and went to bed. I woke may 4 to blood everywhere i was home alone so i called my doctor first and she just told me to stay home and see what happens and if it got worse to come in.. It was like my body just gave out on me, i was weak i stayed in bed most of the day, on may 5 i think had to be the worst thing i ever went through in my hole life, the bleeding was worse i decided to take a nap at 5 woke up at 6 and that was it, i really thought i was going to die the cramps where out of this world and back pain omg.. I remember getting up and almost fell over cause of the loss of blood (would be my guess). The worst mother day gift ever.

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March 27th, 2011, 05:47 PM
ItsFinallyOct's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 708
Here is my long story....I haven't spoke about this for months, so forgive me for just talking about it.....sometimes it's good to let it out.

My last/first pregnancy...I didn't have maternity insurance thanks to the joy of being self employed. I had NO CLUE I didn't have it, until 3 days after the BFP. The insurance co said, OH no you don't have that...it's an add'l $600 PER MONTH and you can't get pregnant for 12 months. I was shocked! So I decided to go to a birth center...which they were great! Very caring people. My first bloodwork my progesterone was 18.5 at 8ish weeks...which meant NOTHING to me, but now means everything. I was put on prometrium and all seemed well as we heard the HB on 2 different appts. AND THEN....

week 17, on July 19th, I had 1 dime size brownish spot. I hadn't had any spotting at all...so I rushed over to my midwife who said...Don't worry, you're fine, swing by and let's hear the HB. 10 minutes later, I was there and in tears. She searched and searched for a HB, which had always been so easy to find.

The next morning at 9am I was scheduled for a sono at the hospital, and I KNEW what was going to happen. The reality hit me that night when I realized... My boobs weren't sore......My boobs were normal That morning My BF of 4 yrs, was too scared to walk in to see the sono, so I let him sit in the main room. As soon as I saw the screen I started bawling. I had never seen a sono before, but it was sooooo still. A still frame baby with no movement. My sono tech was in tears within seconds as she knew instantly too.

Then the WALK...........the walk I will NEVER forget. Down the hall to the ROOM. THe room with 3 full term pregnant women and their men, and then there was my man turned around in his seat...watching me come down the hall. As soon as our eyes met, I started bawling and so did he. I will always remember those women sitting there without a care in the world. And I wonder, did they know what just happened?

2 days later I delivered in the hospital (getting to hear 3x the baby song that plays when a new baby is born...and that sucked!) They think the baby was a boy, it was around 15 weeks when the heart stopped and he measured around 14 w. It was the hardest thing we've ever been through and definitely made us stronger.

My BF was able to add me to his insurance....which back dated to the date before the deliver to cover the hospital bill (whew!) and I now have coverage for this round as well..no birth center...doctors office all the way with lots of SONOs --I love seeing something moving on the screen!

Last edited by ItsFinallyOct; March 27th, 2011 at 05:49 PM.
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March 27th, 2011, 09:56 PM
JessP's Avatar Lovin life and family
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Washington
Posts: 22,034
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So sorry for your loss. We went in at 15 weeks and couldn't find the heartbeat. I will agree it was the hardest thing I have had to go through. Then we went through it again with our next pregnancy. Many prayers that you have a very uneventful pregnancy this time. I am glad you are getting lots of u/s. I get lots of heartbeat checks. It helps get you through the rough spots . We are here to when/if you need us.

Thanks .:Shortcake:. for my great siggie

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April 4th, 2011, 09:41 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 4,398
This is my story. I found out I was pregnant July 12, 2009. I was shocked and so was DH. We weren't trying. I actually was on the pill and stupidly skipped 3 whole days of it at the worst point possible during the cycle.

After that initial moment of "Oh crud.. what are we gonna do" wore off, we were happy and excited, although I came around a lot faster than DH. It took him a few days to get really excited. We had 12 days of bliss. Then our world came crashing down.

I wasn't feeling pregnant at all, but didn't think anything of it at that time. My mom was worried, as she has had 3 losses herself, and knew what to watch for. I have no idea how developed the baby was when I miscarried as my periods were odd while on the pill. I guessed somewhere between 4 and 6 weeks.

July 23- I started spotting. When we had just moved into our then new house, our hot water heater was broken, so we had to shower at a friend's place. It was brown and only very light and we had dtd less than 24 hours before, so I know it could be normal. I just started bawling in his shower. I knew it was over in my heart. With DH and his friend in the living room, I had to get control of myself before I got dressed and came out. As soon as we left and were on the way home I lost it. I told DH I thought it was over. He was sure everything was fine and that I was just freaking myself out. I continued spotting for the rest of the day.

July 24- I woke up the next morning to full on red blood and lots of it. I was even feeling a little light headed. It was dripping down my legs and filling pads up very fast. I was so tired and couldn't stop crying. I had a slight urge to push and passed what I thought was the tiny sac/placenta and a few other clots. I looked for the baby, but never saw my child. I needed to for closure. The sac/placenta was about 1.5 inches wide. I was spent.

My mom was in Hawaii on a vacation when I miscarried along with her sister, her sister's DH, and her mom. I called her, and she knew instantly. She told the news to everyone there. I couldn't be alone. DH was at work and wouldn't be home for several hours. He left with me still pregnant as far as he knew. I wasn't about to call him at work and tell him about this. I called my MIL instead and she dropped what she was doing and drove the 1.5 hours to come be with me until Anthony came home. She never had a loss, but respected and understood that it's very hard emotionally (and physically) to go through. At that point, the bleeding had slowed a considerable amount and the end was near.

DH got home later that day. MIL looked at DH and said "Kira has lost the baby.." She hugged us both and knew somehow we wanted to be alone and mourn together and left and went back home. DH looked sad, but not devastated when she told him. A short time after she left, he got up and left the room. I got up and followed him. He sank to his knees in the bedroom and broke down and we both cried holding each other for several minutes.

The next several days were touch and go emotionally. We were both perilously close to tears almost constantly. I was empty. I'm just glad I didn't have a job to deal with during that. I spent most nights for the next several months crying myself to sleep.

It took the better part of a year for my body to fully recover. My periods were very irregular after that and I'd regularly go 2 months without. Almost exactly a year after our loss, my periods regulated themselves out. I had 6 months of normal periods.

Our loss made us much stronger together. We love each other like never before.

Now, I am 7 weeks pregnant. Every day that goes by, I get a little less nervous about losing this one. It seems this baby is our sticky bean. DH is thrilled. We are due Nov 21, his birthday.

I will never forget my Angel Baby. We will see you again one day.
Mom to a 2 year old baby girl, 2 week old baby boy, and one in Heaven.

In loving memory of our angel baby, with us for 4 weeks. Baby went to be with God July 24th, 2009.

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April 4th, 2011, 11:42 PM
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 29
Hello, Really very nice story I have Gestational Diabetes, and because large babies run in my family. Seamus is currently measuring a week a head which is good for now, but the doctor said at my 33 week appt, we will see if he is starting to get too big, and if my sugar levels can't stay down we will have to induce him early or do a scheduled C-Section. They baby was fine moving and you could see the HB. I went in one month later and there was no HB again so back to the US room we went. Thanks for sharing with us.
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April 30th, 2011, 10:20 AM
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 1
I am writing here because these stories helped me get through my miscarriage and I hope my story can help someone else someday. At age 36, I was 12 weeks pregnant (my first time pregnant) when I went for my first ultrasound. I was seeing a midwife, (legal in Ontario, Canada) so there is no push to get many ultrasounds. However, two nights before my ultrasound, I found some dark blood clots when I wiped. I saw my midwife the next day and she said it was most likely some old blood and that she was not concerned. But that night I found more blood clots when I wiped, and I felt then, that I knew something was wrong, and cried in my husbands arms. He, an optimist, wasn't sure I was right. But I knew. When we went to the hospital I told the RN who was conducting my ultrasound that I had found some blood and wasn't feeling hopeful. I did this because I had heard from another friend who miscarried that they don't tell you right away if they don't hear a heartbeat, and I wanted to know. As she felt my belly, she said, I don't hear anything, I'll need to check inside. When she did, she said the fetus had died at 7.5 weeks. We could see it on the screen, much smaller than the sac. It was a shock to hear that the fetus had been dead inside me for so long, while I had still been experiencing nausea and growing breasts and a little bit of a belly. The doctor who spoke to me after said that the body still thinks it is pregnant even after the fetus died. I was recommended the next day to take misoprostol, rather than a d/c. So that afternoon I put the 4 misoprostol inside me. I took Tylenol 3 and advil as well. I was told that since I had already started showing some blood and had some cramps it should happen quicker, and the information sheet they gave me said it would take between 6 and 12 hours, but the nurse said she didn't think it would take 12 hours. Let me say, it went on for 14 hours and was the most painful thing my body has ever been through, the contractions started getting longer and longer and more painful. They say miscarriage is like a mini-labour. I was bleeding a lot, and threw up at around 12 hours, but didn't pass the sac or the embryo. At hour 14 i passed a Very large blood clot, but I could tell, after reading many stories about miscarrying, that it wasn't the sac. My husband thought it was, or might be. But I knew it wasn't. I couldn't believe after so much pain it hadn't come out. They do say on the info sheet that 10-20% of women will not pass after the first dosage of misoprostol and to take it again 24 hours later, but there was no way I was going to put my body through that again, so the nurse at the hospital said that I could just wait for it to happen naturally. I read up about natural herbs/teas to take to help the miscarriage along, and as I am very into natural herbs already, I started making red raspberry leaf tea and then bought some parsley and made a tea from that, and then took a sitz bath with red raspberry leaf, a whole bulb of garlic and salt, and lowered myself in and out of the bath for 45 minutes. I also took 2000mg of viramin c four times a day. All these things help soften and open the cervix naturally. 4 days later, it still hadn't come out. So I made myself some blue cohosh tea. One hour later, sitting on the toilet, I felt something hard pass through me. I knew that was it. Peering into the toilet, I saw something shaped like a lemon or a large beet, as I had read about. I fished it out and looked at it, it was glossy/bloody and I could see a tiny embryo, it looked peaceful, and I was very sad, of course. For about an hour afterwards I cramped. I felt quite faint the next two days, but after that physically was fine. Emotionally, I was very down. I am a freelance writer so was lucky enough not to have to go into work, so I took a week off and just stayed in and watched movies and read books and cried. We buried the sac in our garden and will plant vegetables over top. It has now been two weeks. I had very bad headache for two days, one week after the miscarriage. Now two weeks later I find I am very hungry. I have still been bleeding and now am just spotting a little. I have refrained from having sex with my husband until all bleeding has stopped. I am going to wait about 5 months until we try again. I hope my story helps other women going through this sad time. Thank you all so much for sharing your stories and I am so sorry for the loss. It is amazing when you go through a miscarriage, how you find so many women have been through the same. The doctor at the hospital said she tells someone every single day. If I were to do this again though, I think I would skip the misoprostol and wait for the miscarriage to happen naturally, informed by what herbs and teas I can take to help the body along.
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July 13th, 2011, 11:44 AM
LilBecca's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Suburbs of Chicago
Posts: 443
I'm posting this now because I have not had the courage to until now and in hopes it can bring encouragement to anyone going through a loss. But, the stories are a bit graphic, just so you know. Let me introduce myself first. My name is Becca and I'm 24 years old. I have had 2 losses and am currently in my third pregnancy.

I first got pregnant around January 2009 when I was 22 years old. My now husband and I were only dating since September of 08, so it came as a total shock to us. I wasn't even sure that I wanted to be a mother yet. And my then bf definately wasn't ready to be a dad, but he stood beside me all the way. It started when I noticed my period was late. Which the only other time I had ever been late was when I was in Basic training in the Army, which kinda comes with the territory when you stress your body out that much. Anyhow, so I bought a test not thinking I was pregnant, that maybe I was just stressed or something. So I POAS, and sure enough 2 lines showed up. I freaked and screamed for my bf. He and I went and bought more tests, and sure enough ALL positive. So I make an appt to begin my prenatal. I went in for the first visit, no u/s or anything, just confirmation, info, weight, and height. Then I go home to wait 4 weeks for my next appt. But one day I woke up and something felt different. I hadn't really been having many pregnancy signs except sore breasts, but something else was just off. I went to the bathroom and noticed I was lightly spotting. I didn't think much of it because I had heard that it was normal for women to spot sometimes. Then the next day I felt something in my panties. I go to the bathroom, and I was bleeding more and actually passed some tissue. So I called the doc and they had me come in. My idiot dr. did a pelvic and said, well your cervix are closed and scheduled an u/s for 10 days from then. I knew something was horribly wrong but he wouldn't dend me to emergency. That night, the cramping began and then I really knew. I began having regular cramps at closer intervals until I finally pass what looked like a huge lump of tissue. I knew I lost the baby and that was it. Then I don't know what came over me, but I reached into the toilet to put the tissue in a container. But before I did, I held it there for just a second and I could see the babys eyes, (they looked like little black dots but they were the eyes) and then my bf came in, took it from me and put it in the container himself. Right there is when I bonded with that baby and it became totally real what I had just lost. I was only 6 wks along. I cried and cried and cried as my bf led me to the car to take me to the er. The doctors were cold and didn't seem to have sympathy. When they did the u/s they found no evidence of the pregnancy so I didn't need a d&c which was a relief.

After that loss, something changed with me and my then bf. It changed our relationship. We both knew that we wanted to have children together after that for sure. BUT we decided to wait a year until we tried to concieve. In that time we became much closer and he proposed to me that April. We decided to extend our year wait until Sept. that year because we set the date for our wedding for Aug. 14th 2010. Naturally, I wanted to diet, tan and be able to drink on my honeymoon. All things you can't do while pregnant. BUT life has a way of throwing curve balls at you. I found out I was pregnant June 12th of that year, just 2 months before our wedding. Despite my dieting and tannig dreams, this time, we were very excited. We figured the odds were on our side because we both read that usually after a woman has one m/c the chances of her having another go down. So we approached this pregnancy with a more positive attitude. We were so sure that everything would be just fine. I did a little baby shopping even. Got some clothes and I started a baby book. My then fiance even bought a fetal heart rate monitor online. I passed my 6 wk mark and that further encouraged me to believe everything would turn out fine. At 6.5 wks I went in for an u/s. They found the hr but it was at 64 bpm and pretty low. The doc was concerned, as was I, but I got on my trustee PC again and read sometimes baby's hr's start slow. So I had another appt. 2 wks later, and by this point I was sure the baby's hr was fine. There was some question as to how far along I was because I couldn't remember the date of my LMP, so I asked the tech if she could just tell me. After A lot of silence, she turned to me and said "I'm only telling you this because you asked me to tell you how far along you are, but I'm sorry to say that your baby's gone." I couldn't believe it. I hadn't had cramping, no bleeding nothing! I just couldn't believe that God took another baby from me. She went on to explain what a missed miscarriage was. I had heard of it before but refused to dwell on the idea when I was pregnant. I elected to try and let nature take it's course, but a couple weeks later still nothing, so I had a d&c just 2 wks before my wedding. This devestated both of us and we weren't sure what to think. So we both pushed it out of our minds until the wedding and honeymoon was over.

After all the chaos of the wedding subsided and we were comfortably moved into our new home, AND after having a battery of tests and vaccinations were given to help with conception and preventing miscarriage, we were finally able to try again. We started in Jan. of 2011. In April I thought I was pregnant, I had sore breasts, was feeling overly tired, etc. but it just turned out to be PMS as I got my period the day I was to take my test. This really upset both of us becasue we were SO eager to be parents. So that Sat. I went to church with my family. Something I started doing just weeks before. i always believed in the Christian faith, but didn't want to get into it too much until recently. The pastor asked if there was something that any of us just needed to pray about, and if so feel free to kneel at the front of the sanctuary. I felt strongly encouraged to do just that about our current family planning situation. So I got on my knees and prayed. About a month later, on May 13th of this year, I again found out I was pregnant. I am convinced it was a direct answer to prayer. I am now in my 12th week and have had 3 u/s where I could hear and see the hb. All of them totally normal and healthy. The baby is growing at the correct rate, and I've even seen him/her move around. So far so good, and i continue to pray for a healthy pregnancy.

The moral of my story? As you read, we went through alot with our 2 losses, but we never gave up. My point is, there IS hope after losing even 2 or more babies. And it does get better, I promise. I know I have a baby to look forward to, but even before I was pregnant again, I was able to go on with life knowing my little angels were looking down on me, waiting to meet me someday.
MC- Sweet Pea, EDD 10/10/09, left us at 6 weeks. MMC-Baby Peapod, EDD 02/24/2011, left us at 8 weeks.

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October 3rd, 2011, 10:39 AM
Cheshire's Avatar Mommy to three beauties!
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,227
It was November 18th 2010, I was 13 weeks 2 days. I said "missed miscarriage" so many times during the pregnancy. I just felt like something bad was going to happen to me and on top of it, someone else would have to inform me and that day, exactly that happened.

I wiped to find red blood, something I'd never had in any of my pregnancies. Now whenever someone mentions red blood during pregnancy, I simply reply with "good luck" because for me, it meant the worst news of my life. I tried to stay positive after seeing the blood and I called my mom and asked if I would have to go on bedrest, would she be able to come and help me. We got to the hospital and my bloodwork was done several times because no hospital employee can ever manage to successfully stick me, especially just once. DH and the kids were with me but it was late so he walked around with them a bit but overall, I felt positive and kept my mind at bay with Internet on my phone and some TV.

Finally I got into the ultrasound room. I asked the tech "If there is no heartbeat, you're not going to tell me are you?" because I know they're not supposed to. She said "Yep, that's right." Just a few minutes in, I could see the look on her face and the lack of movement on my baby. She grimaced and said "I know I said I wasn't going to tell you..." My heart sank right then. I must have been on a manic high because I acted so normally. I kept talking to her. I talked about how this was only my husband's second baby and it was going to crush him. Fault came to mind and I worried "what did I do" but she told me after a lot of measurement, that the baby stopped growing at 11 weeks 4 days and I remembered that as a matter of fact, that night was lovely. DH and I went to Atlantic City for our comedy show that night and we laughed a lot, embraced a lot, all very healthy things and we were surely too tired to be intimate when we arrived home. I asked her if she could tell the gender and she said if the baby had been as far along as I was supposed to be, she would have been able to but then she said "You wouldn't want to know that. What if this was his boy?" Apparently I would want to know that because to this day, I wish I knew that baby's gender so I could properly name him or her. I requested a picture and she said that she wasn't supposed to but she would, if I was sure that it wouldn't make it harder. I said something along the lines of "I want something to remember my baby by," but I can't remember exact words for my mind was in some kind of haze.
Hands down the worst moment of my life, though, was being wheeled back in the hospital room and locking eyes with my husband, shaking my head, and immediately not being able to look him in the eye. In the corner of my eye, I saw his eyes begin to fill up as he said "What?! What?!" I sat down on the bed and I told him. He was so sullen but quiet and I just kept acting so normal, like nothing happened. The doctor told me to naturally miscarry and was even so darling as to put "stillbirth" on my paperwork. They told me to get my rHogam then and I'd be covered for after everything happened. He must have thought I had no feelings about it because of my actions because he looked at DH and said "I'm sorry," but not me. I kept a straight face, just thinking and thinking, until we got out to the car. I walked further and further behind him so I could just be alone. He kept looking back and asking if I was okay but once we reached the car, no I was not okay. He looked at me and I just started crying hysterically, and he with me. We barely stopped crying for days.
Since DD1 was in a big repeating stage, she would often point to the baby on TV and say "Look! Baby in Mommy's belly!" so I knew I had to tell her that the baby went bye-bye but that wasn't as dismissing as I'd hoped. A few times when I would cry, she would come up and ask "Baby in Mommy's belly went bye-bye?" and if it could even get any harder, it did.

I called the midwife that I would have had my first appointment with that week and she suggested a D&E procedure because an 11 week old fetus would be too large to pass without a possiblity of too much blood loss and it would be possible not to pass everything. She didn't perform procedures so she could only suggest someone but they didn't even answer the phone, nor reply to my crying message. It was becoming too much, I had carried my deceased baby for too long and it was killing me. I called every place possible and on the other end of some of the calls were rude people who assumed I wanted an abortion (because it's the same procedure) but I came across one who felt so bad for me and she tried to help any way she could since her facility could not help me with the Thanksgiving holiday looming. My mom obtained a number for a place that she knew did emergency procedures so I called them and they managed to get me in for a consult that day and then my D&E would be the day before Thanksgiving.

At the appointment, I was called back to talk to a nurse. She asked for details and being the mommy of this baby, I gushed like many moms do and mentioned the 156BPM heartbeat to which she rolled her eyes (because that didn't matter in the history she was filling out). I was thankful that the doctor was polite, at least. He even said he was sorry for our loss and made sure to put in that I wanted to be asleep for the procedure because apparently, they normally have their patients awake. The woman who did my blood was rude and just overall dismissive. The eyeroll nurse came in again and started up an ultrasound just to be sure. I mentioned that the gel was so cold and she sarcastically said "Here, let me heat that up for ya!" (Why the #### do so many nurses have such terrible bedside manner, seriously?!) The doctor disagreed with what the first tech said about timing of death but he looked at the baby for two minutes and didn't do measurements so I stuck with what the ultrasound tech told me. He said that he had many women come in recently who'd lost otherwise healthy babies after the 9th week and that he thinks a 'virus was going around that would attack the placenta'. That's paraphrased but I get the jist of what he was trying to say.

The next day after stopping at the first hospital to get my rHogam paperwork so I wouldn't have to get it again, we went for the procedure. Since it was a religious hospital, a nun came around to say prayers with everyone in Same Day Surgery. I told her, with tears in my eyes, what I was there for and she said a special prayer for me, my husband, and my baby. DH wanted to come back but the nurse's station kept throwing a hissy fit about it, finally they let him anyway. I made a stink about bloodwork being done. They specifically ran bloodwork on me the day before, claiming that I wouldn't have to have it done at the hospital, so I refused the bloodwork. We spoke with the surgeon about what they would do with our baby and the only way we could obtain the baby, would be with things that would just cause more stress, so we let it be. A woman started wheeling me away and looked at DH and said "You can take her if you want!" He said, a little happier, "Really?" She laughed and said "No." He got even more upset. She was like "Why does he look so sad?" (Are you starting to see why the #### I hate EVERYONE even associated with a hospital??) I said "Because we're going to get my deceased baby taken out of me??" So she let him push me to the elevator and attempted to console me when we got inside by telling me some stuff about how she'd had losses too. I got into Pre-Op all covered in tears, was barely acknowledged by anyone. They just kept picking up my wrist to see my band, as if I were some kind of mannequin. No sympathy was offered, no condolences. We got into the room, the told me that they were just giving me something to calm me down and *poof* I passed out. The first thing that happened when I woke up was people complained that I'd been asleep much longer than they'd expected. I never take even the mildest of drugs, so my body reacts at high levels to anything.

When I got downstairs to see DH, I felt a lot better. It's horrible to go through things like that all alone and with horribly miserable and careless medical staff. He showed me some things that he bought in the gift shop, little angels and crosses. He told me that he went to a church and he prayed for our baby. A chaplain came to us and told us that they bury preterm babies from the hospital together at a cemetary and have a service every several months, which we wish we'd been told before so we wouldn't have been so stressed about Angel just being "thrown into a hazardous waste bin". Then, just before we left, the hospital tried to talk me into getting another rHogam shot. Despite the paperwork, this hospital wanted to be sure they covered THEIR own ###es in case something happened. I declined, spoke to their doctor who urged me to do it, but then declined again. So they were all annoyed and happy to have me leave and once again, I was glad to be out of a hospital since I've learned that I hate them all.

The next day was Thanksgiving. My sister had told me right after we found out the baby passed, that "everyone I know has it happen more than once" and other extremely insensitive and stupid things so the night of the D&E, a casual conversation came up about it. Thanksgiving morning, I woke up to the nastiest, most unnecessary and heartless texts and since she would be in attendance at my mom's Thanksgiving dinner, DH and I both decided that it was best not to deal with this person especially in our current state. We, instead, went out to dinner just us and our children to a whoops-this-isn't-kid-friendly expensive restaurant and it's the best way that we could have spent Thanksgiving. It made me love my family even more if that's possible, that I could feel good even in a horrible situation, with my darling husband and beautiful children at my side.

We spent the next month lavishing our hurt with expensive gifts. We bought Blackberry cell phones as DH lost his personal cell phone in the midst of depression and we bought keepsakes.

We bought a beautiful globe from Things Remembered:

After searching every jewelry store, one beautiful angel necklace stood out:

Angel's (and other pre-term babies from the hospital) memorial was held in May:

Sorry this was so long...

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January 4th, 2012, 02:03 PM
Sherry777's Avatar Blessed Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,360
My husband and I started trying for our third baby in December 2010. I found out I was pregnant in January 2011. My due date was October 13, 2011. I was in MN, and even though I had great insurance, my OB did not perform an ultrasound on the first visit. I was concerned because I had experienced a small amount of brown spotting at 6 weeks. She said I was in a "gray area" of pregnancy when anything could happen and she refused to do anything to ease my mind, such as testing my HCG levels or a vaginal ultrasound.

Right before my 12 week appointment, I was visiting Memphis, and I had a complete loss of pregnancy symptoms. I no longer had horrible morning sickness, heartburn, or the urgency to pee frequently. I went back for my 12-week appointment, and the nurse could not detect a heartbeat. She performed an ultrasound, and there was no heartbeat. I chose not to have a D&C, and I miscarried at home at 13 weeks.

I thought I would go insane from the grief, and October was particularly hard, as that was the baby's due date. Only God got me through.
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March 29th, 2012, 08:53 PM
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: cheektowaga
Posts: 27
In august 2010 I became pregnant with my now husbands child everything was okay i had no issues nothing all the ultrasounds were great everything. Than in october I has horrible cramps and i began spotting i went to the dr she said everything was okay so far but miscarriage was a huge possiblity. I went home and october 20th I was napping and woke up bleeding bad, my fiance rushed me in to the er and found out that the baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks and I had miscarried. My daughters birthday party was that saturday I was a mess, such a mess that not only was i in horrible pain, but i couldnt even handle holding my bestfriends daughter whom was like my own kid. It passed and I accepted that I would no longer be having a child. Than in march of 2011, I went to my ob visit just for a check up and found out I was 2 weeks pregnant not getting my hopes up I told my husband and we were excitied, we than got married on march 23rd (and no not because of the baby but because it was finally time too lol) We came home everything was great, two days later I wound up in the er with spotting and cramping, I miscarried 3 days after. With the mind set of not ever having a child with my husband I was devistated. I have two children already and him a daughter but we wanted one of our own, seeing as we were going to be spending our lives together we wanted another addition to our family... we gave up trying we faced the fact we were not having a baby. But we went to visit his family in georgia and had a blast (august)... Than we started taking care of my father who is slowly dying, and for some reason we decided to start trying.. I didnt get my period in november which is common every few months i dont get it, but for some reason around thanksgiving i made my husband go get pregnancy tests, they were very very light so we ignored it... than like 2 days later i took another one it was a bit darker... so a week later i took another one and it was bright n dark positive. I called my dr she sent me for bloodwork and a sono. I went for a sono every week... and well here I am 23 weeks, with our little boy i am due july 26th, however every little thing i am up my drs butt and weve been in the er a few times but so far so good...

Mother of :
Lilly Nicole 10/22/04
Liam Michael 6/6/07

Stepmother of:
Lauryn Rose 8/19/02

Soon to be mommy of:
Baby boy Leroy John due 7/26/12

~*Married to my love Michael 3/23/11 til forever*~
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December 29th, 2013, 09:52 PM
..Michelle..'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 1,299
I went to my doctor in January of 2008 and told my doctor that AF is usually right on time and that I was late, thinking I had fertility problems because ex-DH and I tried for 9 years and I didn't get PG, I honestly didn't think I was pregnant since Brad and I just got married in August of 2007. Doc did a physical and took a urine sample. Before he'd even set up our next appointment for us to come back and talk about different procedures or treatments the nurse came in with a smile on her face. When checking my urine sample, I was already pregnant! We were through the moon happy! Our first "try" at it and we were going to be parents!

I had a rough pregnancy to be honest. I have bi-polar mania, severe panic attacks and social anxiety. I had been taking several medications to keep my symptoms under control but since I was pregnant I had to stop all my medications in a very short time. I was seeing my regular Ob/Gyn as well as a specialist. The specialist was because I'd had a gastric bypass in March of 2006. I weighed 305 pounds and had a drastic weight loss surgery called a Roux-en-y gastric bypass. I was 140 pounds when we found out I was pregnant so the surgery worked for weight loss, but could pose a problem for our baby because of the way my body absorbed nutrients and my prenatal vitamins.

I was 5 months pregnant in May of 2008 and we found out our baby was a little boy at a routine sonogram with the specialist. We also found out that our son (now named Roman) had hydrocephaly. Hydrocephaly (water on the brain or surrounding the cranium) can be a very severe disability. It can also solve itself it the fluid isn't collecting heavy. I was closely monitored after that and saw the specialist every 2 weeks from then on.

At our 6 month and 2 week appointment with the specialist Roman had even more fluid surrounding his brain. We were told that we would have to start making decisions about shunts and other surgeries to prepare for when Roman was born. Never once did our doctor bring up abortion. We are not Catholic but my insurance was accepted at the many Catholic faith based hospitals in our area. I believe because of that reason, abortion was never brought up. We had several people in our lives suggest it and I'm glad that our doctors never even asked. I would have and still would say "no" but that wasn't an option we were given.

I had been on bed rest after that appointment and at 7 months (or 30 weeks gestation) is when our lives changed forever. The date was July 1st, 2008.

Since this is so long already, I'll post the link here ( https://www.gonetoosoon.org/memorials/roman-bradley ) of Roman's birth story and our decision to take him off life support. Cerebral palsy, spinal meningitis and hydrocephaly took our son's body over. Our son's spirit went to Heaven July 6th, 2008. The 5 days and 14 hours we had him here on Earth will be part of me forever. He is and always be our little fighter with such a strong name. In life we loved him dearly, in death we do the same.

Last edited by ..Michelle..; December 29th, 2013 at 09:55 PM.
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