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Two big questions

Forum: VBAC: Vaginal Birth After a Caesarean


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March 16th, 2011, 04:21 PM
~*3 little bears*~'s Avatar Jack~Mack~Brooke~Baby
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Santa Fe, NM
Posts: 5,665
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Ok girls, had my first appt with the midwife I found who will take me or my HBA2C. She is great and I really really like her! BIG problem...I sent DH a text saying that he needed to come to the next appt. He came into my office and my mom asked if he was OK with the plans that his "crazy wife" has and he says I'm not OK with most of the things my crazy wife wants to do. She tells me I need to show up and sign some papers. F*#@ that, I'm not signing ****! and then drops off a check and leave. Then he sends me text that says "You just decided what we were doing and assumed I will go along with it" He said I haven't even talked to him about it but I HAVE been talking to him about it for 2 weeks at least, we talked about insurance covering it, we talked about drugs to stop hemmorage, we talked about hospital transport, we talked about how much more comfortable it would be, we talked about water birth, we talked about all the stats on UR. I was still planning on talking to him more about the details we went over at the appt today but I was just letting him know that he has to come to the next appt if we are going to really do this (he was supposed to come today but got tied up at work). MY question here is how do I get him on board? If he doesn't get on board what do I do? Should I just stick to my HBA2C plan?

The second big issue that i know is not going to help with getting DH on board is the fact that midwife delivery of a VBA2C is ILLEGAL in my state. My midwife said she will still take me but we have to sign a waiver. She also said she has 3 other midwives (one is a CNM from another town that will come for my birth) that are totally 100% on board with her taking me. She told me I need to keep it very quiet that i am planning this homebirth and not to tell anyone that she has taken me a client because she could lose her license. But she did say if we do a hospital transfer that she would stay with me the entire time and just take the heat at the hospital. Should I be concerned about the fact that this is illegal, I had no idea.

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March 16th, 2011, 07:02 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 4,649
First and foremost, if it is what YOU want then you should do it. Let your DH deal with whatever issues he has in his own time, he may just be listening to mommy dearest and not realizing what that is doing to you. Second, I'm not sure what the legalities are in NM for hba2c but I woud say that if your midwife is willing to do the hb then you should go for it. Let her deal with the legal side. She may have all kinds of excuses to pull out of her hat if the need arises later.
Mom to 3 (1998, 2000, and 2009), step-mom to 1 (1995), two four-legged babies who bark, wife and full time student.
My days are busy, my house is messy, and my heart is full!
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March 18th, 2011, 02:06 PM
Christy72's Avatar Birth doula mommy of 4
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Central IL
Posts: 173
Give dh time. I hope he comes around. I wouldn't worry about the illegality thing since it is just dumb. LOL Good luck!

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March 18th, 2011, 10:13 PM
Gray_baby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 6,907
I can sympathize with you on the disagreement with your DH. My DH is not happy about me going for a VBAC, he thinks it's too risky blah blah blah and at first he was outspoken about how much he disliked the idea. He's a doctor so he thinks he knows everything and any research I show him is obviously "wrong" so it's been an uphill battle. Ugh, the arguments have been tough.

The big turning point was after I broke down in tears one day and told him why it was so important to me. I laid out everything - all the emotional issues I have from my first c-section and why avoiding another now is so important (i.e. not being able to pick up my DD who will be 17 mos at the time I deliver, being able to drive, etc.). He may not agree that a VBAC is the safer option but he knows I need it for me and he's supportive of that. I honestly don't think he ever considered how emotional it was for me - he seemed to think it was about me feeling like a failure for having a c-section but it was so much deeper than that (having a bad c-section experience, missing the first few hours of my DD's life, watching others care for her when I was stuck in a hospital bed, and the list goes on). So maybe have a heart to heart with your DH where you don't discuss the risks and the research but instead focus on why you need this for YOU.

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March 22nd, 2011, 11:17 AM
~*3 little bears*~'s Avatar Jack~Mack~Brooke~Baby
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Santa Fe, NM
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dh and i talked last wek and after an very weird argument the next day he sent me a text and said that if I want to try the homebirth he thinkgs it will be ok but that it just worries him and I asked if anything would help make him feel better about it and he said no that there is no way for him to not worry because its his wife and baby and we don't know what will happen no matter how prepared we are. But he did say he will come with me to the midwife appt tomorrow and sign the papers and be supportive, just nervous but at least he is on board now

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March 29th, 2011, 11:37 AM
flitabout's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Pipestone, Minnesota
Posts: 6,500
While trying to get DH on board, I let him know that I some how felt broken and in pieces. Not physically but mentally. It wasn't just that it was something inside of me, that I needed to do. Just sit him down with all of the information so he knows how important it is to you. Let him know that you need him to. His support is going to be really important to you.

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