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having a hard timing dealing - would love your advice

Forum: Trying to Conceive 1 Year +


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September 16th, 2012, 11:43 AM
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2
Hello everyone,

I'm new here and i apologize in advance if this isn't the place for this.

I just feel like a need a place to vent, my husband gets a little bit sick of it and doesn't really understand why i feel the way i do.

we've been try to conceive for about a year, more so in the last 6 months. it's been a hard year, full of hope and more dissapointment with every negative test that comes back. it doesn't help my cycles are super irregular, between 35 and running up to 70 days.

enter my heinous ***** new sister in law. the control freak who needed to be pregnant immediately after her wedding last month. of course it would happen for her - she told everyone she's 5 weeks now (that's the kind of person she is, always the centre of attention). i've had this ball of anguish in the pit of my stomach since i heard and i don't know what to do.

i'm just trying to stay positive but it's so hard. for the next 8 months i have to see her and watch her get everything that i've been trying so hard to get for so many months. i'm already making excuses in my head to avoid her but now that she's family it's kind of hard to do. i am happy for my brother in law, he's awesome but it's her that i can't stand. i just feel like a ***** for feeling this way and hating her and i'm so frustrated with myself at the same time. it doesn't help that i work downtown in on the biggest cities in canada and i see between 5-10 pregnant people (sometimes even more) every day. it's just that everyone except for me seems to have such an east time of it....

i feel like a failure as a woman and i just feel more and more despair as the days go on.

has anyone had this kind of expereince? how do you keep you spirits up?
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September 18th, 2012, 01:59 AM
onlybygrace's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1,047

I think there are are MANY women here who know exactly how you feel , and feel the same way themselves...
I am one of them!

The heartbreak over another negative cycle is fresh every single month, and there are days that I feel like I just want to give up.

Seeing everyone else pregnant is never easy...I recently had the ugliest fight with my best friend of 29 years because she got pregnant when she knew I was trying for 14 months!!
Its crazy what this rollercoaster can do to your head an your heart.

I truly feel your pain.

The only way I cope is by reading all sorts of information to plan my next steps, venting on JM...and praying.

I know it sounds so cliche, but you will one day have the family you want, and you will appreciate them so much more because of this struggle.

All the best to you!
mommy_to_nico likes this.
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September 19th, 2012, 03:04 PM
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2
I know exactly how you feel! After trying for four and a half years now with not one BFP it takes it's toll on your spirit Like you my sister in law got pregnant with her fourth baby and was so inconsiderate about my feelings...knowing that I have been trying for so long....then the biggest blow ever my own sister went and gave her the name I wanted to name my daughter....I cried for weeks. Now my niece is 4 and a half months and the mother is talking like she does not want her or her other children she just wants to have fun......This lady drinks everyday....and I see the effect it is having on her children and it breaks my heart...the baby has a flat head from constantly being in her car seat...the three year old is still wearing diapers and is always dirty can only say a couple words....her 6 year old little girl still has trouble with pronouncing her words....and her nine year old boy is crying out for attention by being bad at school....and here we are so desperate to have one child to give it the world and a loving environment to grow in....it saddens me to see this and I feel for you I hope you get your BFP soon hold on tight you will experience a roller coaster of emotions on your journey but like previously stated you will only cherish it that much more when you finally get your bundle.
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September 19th, 2012, 09:43 PM
Camsmom24's Avatar Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 14
Oh sister, you are not alone. As I am typing, I am having a little pity party of my own, hoping the tears will be dry by the time my husband comes home. It just sucks and no one gets it. Babies are supposed to be such a blessing but when it's not the one you've been trying so hard for, it just kills you inside to be happy for anyone else. I feel evil and guilty and like maybe God doesn't think I deserve another baby (my only other is turning 15 in January). Just seeing that in print makes me feel irrational and selfish but my brain can't comprehend that. I'm new to this site but the boards seem to have a lot of very supportive women. Stick around. When you need someone, you will find them here. I will definitely be thinking about you
mommy_to_nico and onlybygrace like this.
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September 20th, 2012, 11:10 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: long island, ny
Posts: 1,247
I feel the same way. I pray to god. I go to counseling. The roughest part is i have bipolar & i'm off my meds so our baby wont have genetic abnormalities. i'm really having a rough time. i cry alot. so i can't imagine what it would be like for you. I'm sensitive & emotional. we're here for you. <3

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September 20th, 2012, 07:28 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: NM
Posts: 2,492
I know how it goes, dear. My husband and I have been trying for 14 months now with not a single bfp. It really does take a toll on my emotions; I cry at least once or twice a month over it.

I honestly don't know how I deal other than telling myself this is not my month (it only helps for awhile) and my husband being my rock. I do pray as well, but that's what the flood gates open, if I cry.

I really hope you get your blessing soon.
TTC #1
Diagnosed with thyroid disease 5/2013
Actively trying 11/2015

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September 20th, 2012, 10:58 PM
Mommy to Be
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 199
You def. are not alone, we've been trying for about 13 months, I came to bed crying last night because of another failed cycle , it hurts, every month I feel like I did something wrong and when I spoke to my best friend she was just oblivious to why I cried because of it ... I decided to come back to JM because I'm close to just giving up, the one thing I want most from life seems so far out of reach yet so easy for others to achieve ... I'm happy to know I'm not the only one who gets this upset every month. Good luck <3
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September 21st, 2012, 06:11 AM
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 11
It's been 8 yrs ttc for us. Talk about seeing pregnancy & babies grow. All my friends have kids, pictures & events. We have dogs & work. The latest my hubby & i were in a july 7th wedding the new bride got pregnant about 5 days later. She knows our struggle but didn't tell me unless you count all of facebook. They use welfare & spend cash on beer, fun, & live carelessly. My hubby & i both work 55+ hrs a week, lead healthy moral independent lives with a great extended family. I now let him answer the baby
y question. Every month i feel like i flush my hope down the drain. Hubby wants kids but is still shy of drs so it's all up to nature. I am reg and healthy for the majority. With you on the frustrated feeling.
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October 17th, 2012, 07:59 AM
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 10
After trying for 10 years I can totally relate to this. My friends don't even want to tell me anymore when they are pregnant, again. Like ellen, I have dogs and work. Everyone makes sure to tell me that 'it's time for you to have kids already!" or "what are you guys waiting for?" or my favorite "you are SO lucky you don't have kids, you can do whatever you want". Whenever someone sticks their baby into my arms I go through at least a month of depression afterward. At least I don't buy baby clothes and store them anymore...
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angry, sad, ttc

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