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How do I cope?

Forum: Trying to Conceive 1 Year +


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February 19th, 2013, 03:47 PM
babydreams0809's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 125
How do I cope with my sister's surprise pregnancy? She is almost 15 weeks along, and was NTNP for 2 months when she found out she was pregnant. DH and I have been struggling to get pregnant since August 2011. We will be seeing a Fertility Doctor next month, but I don't know how I can cope with being around my sister, and not wanting to yell at her. I know that it is not her fault that she got pregnant so soon after getting married, but it is still really hard for me. What I think is the hardest is that she didn't tell me when she found out. She waited until Christmas and told the whole family all at once. I had already put the pieces together a couple of days before, but it still wasn't an easy thing for me to hear, because 2 days after Christmas, my hopes for a bfp were dashed with the arrival of the witch. Now, she expects, and wants for me to plan her baby shower. It won't be until July, but DH and I will only be trying one time with the Fertility Doctor, and then have to try something else if he can't help us. I just want to hide away from my family and the world until after my sister's baby is born. I almost don't want anything to do with her or my family, because they don't understand how hard it is for me to see her belly starting to poke out, and hear her and my mother talking about baby stuff. Right now, it just makes me sad, and then I can't talk to them for a long time, and then I get angry.

I don't know how to cope with my grief at never ever having seen a bfp in almost 2 years. It doesn't help that the weather here has been terribly cold and to make it that much "better", they are predicting snow for tomorrow. Just another straw to add the the camel's back.

Sorry for being so long winded, I just need to get things out there and off of my chest.

You ladies are all wonderful, and I have received many kind words and words of encouragement and hope from you all. Thank you so much!
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February 23rd, 2013, 09:17 PM
Ready for #1
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Mi
Posts: 202
I'm sorry your going through that I went through a similar situation a year ago. My husband and I have been trying off and on for 2 1/2 years. Last year I found out my step sister was pg with her 4th. At the time she had 3 kids with 2 dads and and was now on her 4th with a 3rd dad. I didn't understand why she was able to have so many children while not doing things the 'right' way. I am married, we have a home, cars, dogs, and steady jobs. Why not me?? I had a very, very hard time with it. The only up side to my situation was I don't see or talk to her on a regular basis anymore. My niece just turned a year in Jan. I am very happy for them but it doesn't make it any easier.
Also In oct a girl I work with had an abortion and decided to tell the entire workplace knowing I have been trying. I think that was worse. It was like a slap in the face. 'ha ha look what I have, oh just kidding I don't really want this.' Now she talks about 'when she's a mom...' I just rool my eyes at her.

I hope we get our bfp SOON my husband and I are trying SMEP next month. FX for us
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February 25th, 2013, 09:46 AM
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 3
I wish I had good advice for you, but all I can offer is empathy.
At Christmas I was expecting the usual barrage of "when are you going to have another baby! Boy needs a sibling!"... I usually brush it off with non chalant answers- hardly anyone knows we are trying. This time, I did not get any. I was entirely forgotten in the wake of my cousin, who has been married for all of a minute, announcing her pregnancy.
I should be happy for her. I should be relieved that the pressure is off of me. Instead I stuPidly felt like even my family gave up on me having a baby. It hurt. The five friends that have announced pregnancies since Christmas hurt. The fact that every other woman at work is having Babies or grandbabies save my poor patient mother in law dug into me. My students having new siblings on the way- look teacher at this picture of mommys big giant belly! I can't stand it.
At least no one has asked me to host their baby shower. I dont see that ending well.
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March 9th, 2013, 02:10 PM
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 3
Oh, what a difficult situation! Mine is somewhat similar; the difference is I've been trying for one year with a couple of chemical pregnancies. Also, four of my coworkers have gotten pregnant during that year. They talk non stop about how it feels to be pregnant, and all of the preparation that goes along with it. I feel every emotion from mild irritation, to bitterness, to anger, to overwhelming sadness. The only solution I've found is "SOS" (strap on a smile). I smile, and pretend to sail through the work day like everything is fine. I give them congratulations, and nod as they tell me their stories. Because in the end, my coworkers deserve to be happy and enjoy their pregnancies. If I feel really awful around them, I just pretend to be absorbed in some task. Then, I go home and vent to my husband, or my family, or my close friends. I hope that no one can see on my face or in my eyes, how rotten I feel. Because I only believe that would end up reflecting poorly on me. It just so hard, sometimes it feels like my heart is breaking.
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