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Adjusting my expectations...

Forum: Secondary Fertility Issues


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March 11th, 2011, 11:26 AM
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I feel like my life is turning out so different from what I had expected that it seems surreal. When DH and I got married 3 1/2 years ago, if you had asked what we thought our future would hold, we would have said a houseful of kids and hopefully an acreage in the country someday. 2 years ago, my son was 2 months old and I never would have imagined that I wouldn't have another baby by this point (I thought even 2 years was a huge age gap and was hoping for more like 15-18 months apart.)

I never would have imagined the year we've had...one round of bad fertility news after another and a miracle pregnancy only to have it end in miscarriage. 16 cycles of hardcore trying and I'm no closer to having another baby in my arms than I was in November '09 when AF returned and I was so excited to get on the baby-making train again.

I guess it's starting to really hit me that I will never have the life I dreamed of. I'm trying to adjust my expectations for life. I'm thinking of selling some of our baby stuff...nothing that I really love but stuff that isn't my favorite and is taking up space. If we don't have a baby or I'm not pregnant by this time next year, we will store our crib and rocker at my mom's house (we have no storage room for it here) and turn Mason's bedroom into a toy room and move him into our guest bedroom (which was supposed to become his bedroom anyway after we had another baby). There's no point in taking up space with a crib we don't need when we do need space for his toys.

All of this makes me really sad, but I guess it is just time for me to accept reality. There might not be any more babies at our house At least for a long time. We are considering adoption, but that can take a long time.
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March 11th, 2011, 06:31 PM
OurSweetLabs's Avatar I LOVE My Boys!!
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 11,014
Oh Sweetie

(((HUGS))) I understand what you mean by it changing the expectations of your life. I had so many things planned that I have now had to adjust.

Will you go thru with any IUI's or what is your plan now ?
Donna - Mom to David and Asher

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March 13th, 2011, 05:27 PM
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 68
Reading your post I can feel your sadness and am so sorry for your struggle. From my experience, I do identify with alot of your thoughts as I am also finding secondary infertility to be such a confusing and disheartening path. While I feel blessed on one hand to know the joy of motherhood (I have a 2.5 yr old son), I honestly feel things aren't complete without a sibling for him - or the chance to be a Mom to a another child.

Throughout this entire process I have prayed constantly to just live for today (I spend wayyy toooo much time thinking about tomorrow) and it's actually helped enjoy watching my son grow and hope God's plan is in place to bring us another child. Due to our age, we are the midst of our 1st IVF cycle but think if I was younger I would have continued trying naturally or tried IUI.

My thoughts go out to you and hope each day brings a reason to smile - until the day you get the BFP I am sure you destined to have!
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March 14th, 2011, 03:52 PM
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Originally Posted by OurSweetLabs View Post

Will you go thru with any IUI's or what is your plan now ?

I'm not sure where we will go from here. DH has his 6-month post-op SA in a couple of weeks and we'll see how things are with him and go from there. DH doesn't really want to do IUI any more since he did get me pregnant just 3 months after his surgery. My cycles have been screwed up and we haven't really had a good chance since my m/c. I think we will try at least 2-3 more cycles on our own before we consider trying IUI.
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March 18th, 2011, 06:21 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Canada
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Lucky mother to five!

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March 20th, 2011, 08:08 PM
LilSunshine's Avatar ♥ Super Moderator ♥
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 32,198

You took the words right out of my mouth. I was just thinking about this and how I never would have ever thought this would happen to me. DS was SO easy to conceive, as was our 2nd pregnancy that ended in m/c. It's so frustrating and sad...and I don't wish this upon anyone.

September 2009 @ 6 weeks May 2011 @ 11 weeks
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March 22nd, 2011, 07:37 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 3,830
HUGS sweetie! I am there right now too. My son is just a month or so younger than yours. I expected to have another baby in the house right now. To be a SAHM caring for them both while working on my MBA until Jack started school. Instead I am still working, MBA is on hold and DH and I are about to have to make some hard decisions about which path to take next in several different areas of our life. If only I knew when (or even if) we will finally get a BFP

I am trying very hard to just live for today, but we can't do that forever...

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March 31st, 2011, 11:47 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,017
Reading your post made me cry. ((BIG HUGS)) I can feel your pain through your words and I'm so sorry.

I moved my DS Nate into his big brother's room nearly a year ago...and the nursery just sits empty. I go in there and sit in the rocker sometimes, unable to comprehend why we just cannot get pregnant again. I say every month, "If I'm not pregnant by next month I'll sell this stuff and make it a play room." (or if he wants, have Nate move back in there)...

It's so hard to feel stuck in limbo...and to have some unknown hand change all your plans/expectations. It's hard feeling like you have no control over the situation.

I pray you get a BFP soon and it's a sticky bean.
“Before you were conceived, I wanted you...
Before you were born, I loved you...
Before you were here an hour, I would die for you...
This is the miracle of love.” -Maureen Mansfield

(6), (3) and a due Dec. 25, 2011 and one up above and forever in our hearts.

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April 3rd, 2011, 02:54 PM
TayAnd2Angels's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Fresno, CA
Posts: 9,274
Hugs. I know exactly what you mean. Today I tested, and it was negative. We have been trying for exactly a year. We have done Clomid, Femara, the trigger shot, progesterone, and tons of supplements, and have had 2 miscarriages. I have a 2-year old as well, and it only took us 4 months to get pregnant with her. It's very hard to understand, and often times I find myself thinking that this is so not how I expected my life to turn out.

That being said, I am so glad that God chose this path for me as we are TTC#2. If all of this would have happened when we were TTC#1, I would have thought it was hopeless. I take some comfort in knowing that my body CAN do this. It still hurts like heck though going through all of this. I hope you get your BFP soon.
Thank you Kiliki for my beautiful siggy!

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