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Forum: Secondary Fertility Issues


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November 2nd, 2011, 05:07 PM
~ Nicole ~'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 4,925
I hate how everyone thinks that secondary infertility is not as bad or painful as infertility of someone who has never had a child. It does hurt just as much! Wether you have no children or 10 infertility is always painful. Everyone just tells me that I should be thankful to have children already when some people have none... I am thankful! but it still does not take away the pain of possibly not having the future children we had planned. My sister who had no children had to do clomid with IUI and everyone was so supportive to her and felt so bad for her. I have a 50% chance of never having another child again and no one seems to care. My first two pregnancies were when we were young and unprepared so I never really had a positive pregnancy and baby experience. So in a way my 3rd child would be like experiencing it (the way it should be) for the first time. I would feel a tremendous loss to never have a third child. Its just easier to keep all of this to myself than to hear a bunch of "just be thankful for what you have" comments.

Me(35) DS(12) DS(14)

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November 2nd, 2011, 06:36 PM
host of wttc
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: derbyshire uk
Posts: 3,770
(((( ))) sorry for gate crashing i saw your name and was being nosey.

i feel your pain hun i've been though it myself it took 5 years and 2 m/cs to get my son. I think the worse thing about secondary infertity is you not only have your own emotions but you have your other childs and sometimes you wish for it for them more than for yourself.

i don't know if this will help hun but when you do have your mircle little one it makes all the heart ache and waiting disappear and i think it makes you appricate them more.

i care hun it must be heart breaking for you esp not feeling you have support. but you have hun if you ever need to vent just pm me hun.

thank you to babydoll213 for my sig
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November 2nd, 2011, 11:28 PM
captbabs's Avatar Arrgghh we be knocked up!
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Orlando
Posts: 262
OMGoodness ITA!!! I'm right there with ya. I have a 5 year old dd and she was not planned. I was also young so it wasn't the greatest experience. I look forward to the announcement of a baby being a joyful event instead of a disappointment to my parents. I'm sorry others are being very insensitive. Most ppl think if you've had one you can have another.
Anna 's David est. Jan, 2006
Mommy to 5 yr old big sister Abby
Furbabies Zora 2 yrs. and newest puppy Raven Sept.9,2011
11/11/11 after 16 months TTC!
#2 to arrive 7/21/2012
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November 5th, 2011, 05:38 PM
LilSunshine's Avatar ♥ Super Moderator ♥
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 32,198
I totally hear you. Yes, I am completely thankful and blessed to have my son. That doesn't mean I shouldn't feel sad that we don't have a 2nd child. I hate the "at least you have a kid" comment. Ugh.

September 2009 @ 6 weeks May 2011 @ 11 weeks
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November 7th, 2011, 01:06 PM
kayakr's Avatar Persuaded by POAS’ers
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,794
I get the ol "be grateful for your one kid" as well. However he is 13 and he is my only child. We have less than 1% chance each month for having another baby. It is horrible. We try super hard every month with Dr, medicine, opk, proceedures you name it. It's hartbreaking, emotional, horrible.

I tried to go to my church support groupl and they wouldn't even let me join the group becuase I was't childless. WHAT? wow that was so mean!!

I understand exactly how you feel.
Me (43) DH(33) 12 years together - ttc our first together-I have 14yr old DS
Cycles 1-6 = BFN
Cycle 7 SA results abnormal morphology 2%, 50 mg clomid = BFN
Cycle 8 sonogram normal 50 mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 9 SA results abnormal morphology and motility. Count 200 mill, 100mg clomid + trigger = BFN
Cycle 10 natural = BFN
Cycle 11 hsg tubes clear, natural + trigger+IUI = BFN
Cycle 12 repronex + trigger + 2 IUI = BFN
Cycle 13 natural ovaries to stimulated for more meds = BFN
Cycle 14-22 natural cycle with Acupuncture and planning ivf/icsi/DE = ALL BFN
Cycle 23 Clomid 50 mg & Progesterone = BFN
Cycle 24 Natural = BFN
Cycle 25 BCP, SA result 7% morphology = BFN
Cycle 26 BCP and Lupron preparing for IVF
Cycle 27 IVF Acupuncture, DE Retrieval April 7, Transfer April 12 =
7 eggs retrieved, 3 fertilized, 2 transferred - zero snow babies
BETA # 1 16DPO or 11dp5dt = 569
BETA # 2 19 DPO or 14dp5dt = 1078
BETA # 3 22DPO or 17dp5dt = 2414 TWINS!
BETA # 4 30DPO or 25dp5dt = 12,685 6weeks 3days 2 heartbeats! 114 & 116
Clayton and Colton Born @ 34 weeks 11/22/13
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November 8th, 2011, 02:34 AM
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 15
I feel for you all. I am so greatful for both of my children. They are 11 and 9, but I went through a divorce and my ex threatened me and took them. For 6 years I only got every second weekend. It was so heartbreaking. I nearly ended my life because of it. Now I have joint custody. It has keft me broke and as my ex moved them so far away, I spend 3 hours a day taking them to and from school. I lost my job because of it and am struggling to get another for the same reason. Meanwhile, I have married my soulmate. We have been trying for 2 years with nothing. I so desparatley want a baby that I dont have to handback. Whom I can cuddle whenever I want. Even though I have my children jointly now, I still cry for them. Being a fulltime mum again will make it easier to handle. I can no longer afford treatments because of everyrhing else. So im crossing my fingers that it happens naturally soon.
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November 8th, 2011, 06:02 PM
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 124
I know it's insensitive to say "at least you have kids", but at the same time, imagine the pain of not being able to have children, at all, period. Never being able to feel what it's like to be pregnant, see your own flesh and blood for the first time... That's why they're saying "be grateful". Because some couples never experience that, and they're just saying that at least you had the chance to feel that amazing experience. They never will.
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November 9th, 2011, 01:22 AM
captbabs's Avatar Arrgghh we be knocked up!
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Orlando
Posts: 262
Queen yes but it's still not right. It's better to just say "I'm sorry" and leave it at that.
Anna 's David est. Jan, 2006
Mommy to 5 yr old big sister Abby
Furbabies Zora 2 yrs. and newest puppy Raven Sept.9,2011
11/11/11 after 16 months TTC!
#2 to arrive 7/21/2012
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