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September 7th, 2011, 10:42 PM
tkay88's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Auckland, NZ
Posts: 1,483

I'm not really too sure if i fit in here or not. I used to post here when my DD was little! I just need to get a load off my chest...

I'm Tara (23) and i have a 5 year old DD (Xylia) and a 3 year old DS (Tyran).

I separated from their father in August 2009. We have pretty much being at logger-heads over any and everything since then.

I know i made a couple of "bad" decisions in the time since we split but i am just struggling now with him treating me as someone he looks down on....

I left him after not being happy for a while. Even since my Daughter was born he was never really there. He always worked long hours and i appreciated him supporting us, however he was going around picking up work mates slack when we were doing ok with out it. I mean at some stages he was working 7 days a week or 24 hour shifts. Ultimately though he was always quite ropable with the kids and them "helping" him wash the windows etc. He'd get annoyed and carry them in by one arm and plonk them down on the floor. The final straw came when he was yelling and screaming about our daughter costing us so much money all the time... The month before she turned 3 she managed to cann emergency services and they called back and informed him we could be liable for a $2000 fine if it were to happen again. Also he often called me a lazy fat ***. Told me i was useless. And he also wanted to know where i was all the time and with who. This got worse when i got my drivers licence the month before i left....

I moved, with the kids, back into my parents. I told him i needed time to sort myself out before i knew if i wanted to go back. But he didn't listen and constantly turned up to "see the kids" whenever he liked. When he did come around though he would just sit in the chair trying to talk to me about moving back in, try to hug and kiss me or he would try snooping around to find excuses of why i shouldn't stay here.

In around May i started hanging around with a guy from work and yes, he was around the kids occasionally, they already knew him as him and a few others from my work came to the kids birthday "parties". It was short lived (3 months), but thankfully it didn't have any detrimental effect on the kids. During the 3 months he made racist comments towards the guy and we were constantly fighting over all sorts of things. He accused me of being a bad mother because 1) my daughter developed a rash (we think she has some type of food allergy but it's only happened twice) and 2) because the kids have had minor bumps and bruises from things such as trying to climb up their chest of drawers or running around and bumping the table, usual kids stuff IMO...

In Feb this year i started to see another guy, again from work . When we started to hang out he was trying to get out of a relationship with a woman who threatened to take her own life and held a knife to her throat when he tried to break it off..... Probably not the best of starts but in some ways the situation was similar to when i was leaving the kids dad... Again, he did meet the kids when we hung out, at the park usually and we never were affectionate in front of them, at least not until he had ended his ralationship and we officially became a couple in late April. When the kids Dad found out, through my Daughter. He flipped his lid. As i said i know i didn't make the best of choices but i do not feel comfortable talking to him when he is so 'abusive' and judgemental towards me. He also found out through a friend of his and mutually my bfs ex that "S" my bf "C"s ex had threatened to slash my tyres and knew where the kids and i live...

Anyways, we have had S tresspassed and cut all contact. The problem is that because C has a crazy ex the kids father hates C. And thinks he has every right to vett him now, months down the track and also believes that he can sit C down and get him to prove to him that he can be trusted around the 2 kids. Now i know this guy, i have worked with him for over 3 years. I am very fussy with who i leave the kids with and if i didn't trust him i would not have even thought of him seeing the kids.

I would hate to come across as a bad person solely because the kids have interacted with the new bf already. It is just how it happened and there was no bad intentions involved at all.

The kids dad has Xy and Ty Mon and Tues 9:30 - 7, Weds 9:30-3:30 and alternate Thur 9:30-3:30. (he works evenings). We have explained and C doesn't want to try and replace the ex. But he just won't let up. I am just sad that he is putting up a fight over things such as my daughters last day of kindergarten. He has said he doesn't want C to go as he (the dad) doesn't want to cause a scene... The kids get along with all of us and it does upset me that after 2 years exbf won't let up...

I just feel like curling up into a ball sometimes. I don't have a lot of family here in NZ they are all in the UK.

Thanks if you managed to get through my novel, i know it is probably missing details and slightly "bitty"....
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September 8th, 2011, 08:14 AM
briena's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 26,263
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Wow that sounds like a hard situation to be in . Of course you belong here! I remember you . You definitely did the right thing by leaving your ex, that doesn't sound like a healthy situation for you and your children to be living in. You have every right to try and move on and meet someone new, this is your life now. So long as you don't bounce back to your ex and leave him and go back repeatedly. As long as the new guy is a good person and good to your children and for them to be around then there should be no problems! hopefully things start looking up for you soon.

Thank you Jaidynsmum for my siggy!
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September 8th, 2011, 08:44 AM
2Corinthians10:4's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 12,959
I remember you, welcome back!

I agree with everything Brie said, I am so sorry it sounds like such a touch situation.

Thank you Kiliki for my beautiful siggy!

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September 8th, 2011, 08:47 AM
iSarcastic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
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I agree with everything Brie said. If you and your ex have fully ended the relationship then there is absolutely no reason you can't move on with your life and date others. It sounded like such a toxic situation to be in.

I remember you and welcome back!

Krystal(25) married to David and proud mommy of "wildchild" Jaidyn
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September 8th, 2011, 11:55 PM
tkay88's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Auckland, NZ
Posts: 1,483
Thanks ladies. I remember you all too. And i have been lurking for a while...

I took Carl to my daughters kindy farewell today. Alan (kids dad) found out before we arrived when my daughter went up and said to him, "Granddad and Carl are coming, can you please be nice to them". It's kind of sad that my 5 year old is being more mature than her dad! He called me up and abused me for being immature and disrespecting him and another half hours worth of bull...

Hopefully since he said nothing while we were there i don't get a major backlash on Monday, when i drop Ty off!

But anyway, Carl is really great with the kids. I really couldn't ask for him to be any better. He treats them as his own (without trying to be their "dad" if you kwim).

No way would i (or have i since the split) go back to Alan. It took me long enough to escape that relationship!!

Thanks for your replies
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September 9th, 2011, 10:48 AM
briena's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 26,263
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Well good for you for doing the right thing! Sounds like Alan needs to get over himself a little bit.

Thank you Jaidynsmum for my siggy!
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September 10th, 2011, 02:23 PM
2pinks&ablue's Avatar Chantelle
Join Date: May 2007
Location: NB, Canada
Posts: 36,142
I agree with the other ladies, it's your life and your decision!

I can completely relate though, for the first while after my exDH and I split up (especially when I started dating Troy), he went crazy. Slept in my unheated shed in the middle of the winter to spy on us and everything, it was so stressful. But now he's backed off, and sadly has actually has only seen Rylan for like 2 hours in the last 2 months (completely his choice, not mine). I hope your kids Dad doesn't go to that extreme, but I do hope that he backs off soon!

And, welcome back!
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September 30th, 2011, 02:31 PM
beckii's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: NS Canada
Posts: 11,388
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Welcome back, I remember you too

Im SO sorry youre going through this. I cant relate personally, but my sisters been through a similar situation with her ex. He just cant get it through his head that theyre over & shes moving on without him. My only advice to you is to limit any contact you have with him (which is hard since you have kids), but just to stay strong & know that the things he says about you arent true
beckii ... momma to my beautiful princess Mikayla Lynn 01.18.06
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