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Why did you feel the need to wait to concieve?

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  • 1 Post By SammyJ

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December 10th, 2012, 02:01 AM
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 2
I feel that the only reason me (23) and my boyfriend (24) of 4 yrs are waiting to try to concieve is because people rather sit around and "warn" us about the downsides of parenthood rather than prepare us for the inevitable. Reasons being: we are too young, we will be poor, it will strain our relationship, and we will lose our social lives. If having children was so terrible then no one would do it.

But then there's those people who try to talk you out of having a baby ...but then say "My child is the best thing that ever happened to me & I wouldn't trade him/her for the world."

or something like "even though I was young/had no money/baby's father walked out on me, I'd do it a million times over just to have [child's name] in my life. It's just that YOU shouldn't do it, because it's not easy."

Why do people give me a million reasons not to have a baby, but then say theirs made them a better person, motivated them to finish school/work harder, or say to me "you'll never know what real love is until you have a child", etc.?

It's like they're saying "I have this great thing but I don't want you to have it too." Does anyone else experience this?
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December 10th, 2012, 01:14 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 27,101
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We waited because of circumstances. DH works out of state, and we were traveling all the time. A child would not have been possible. But when I couldn't refill my birth control, DH got tired of preventing and we switched to TTC. A year later we still aren't pregnant, have had 2 chemicals, we really shouldn't have been so worried to start with I guess.
1798 Days to Conceive our Miracle!
Baby Girl Due August 7th 2017!!

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December 10th, 2012, 03:51 PM
mom2pne's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Janesville, WI
Posts: 2,301
The only thing I am going to say is I wish I would have been wiser and waited to have kids. I as 18 when I first got pg and m/c'd and 19 the next time and had my first ds at age 20 and my next when I was almost 23. For myself I was too young, didn't have a diploma or a GED, and felt trapped in an abusive relationship and wish I could have left. But since then I have gotten my GED and even got some college credits in and my dh is no longer abusive.

But I say if you want to try for a baby then go for it.
Simone SAHM to 5 boys Trenton 23, Tyler 20, twins Peyton and Eli 11, & Lennox 7 and 5 s (1992, 2008, 2011, 2013, & 2015)
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December 13th, 2012, 05:58 PM
SammyJ's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: UTAH
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I don't think it is as much of an age issue as it is a maturity and preparedness issue. For example, DH and I both have steady jobs, (I have) a college degree, a house, etc. We just felt like it was the right time for us. I know lots of parents who have children when they are still in school, and that makes it difficult for them to finish college or to get a job (especially in this economy). I think a lot of people also wait until they are in their late 20's, 30's so they can spend their early 20's partying, traveling and overall not having the responsibility of a child weighing them down.

We ultimately decided to wait until we had enough money in savings to cover my maternity leave time since my company does not pay for maternity leave. I also had just had surgery and wanted to get those medical debts paid down first. We also hadn't been on a honeymoon since getting married and wanted to do that. Once we had accomplished those things, we felt ready. Then it took us about 10 months to get pregnant since I had issues ovulating. (I am currently 25 and this is our first baby).

Another thing I would encourage a younger couple to consider is the whole working mom versus staying at home mom thing. I never planned to be a SAHM so we never worked our lives around that concept. I planned to work after having children, but now that I am pregnant, I kinda wish we had the income to support me being able to stay home with this baby. So you have to consider, if you want to stay home with your baby, does your DH or BF make enough money to support that?

Another one of the biggest things to consider is how stable your relationship is. Lots of people are under the impression that younger 20-somethings are not ready to settle down and be with just one person. I am of the opposite mindset (got married at 23). But statistics don't lie that the younger a person is, the more likely a divorce is to happen. Not for everyone obviously, but that does happen.

So I guess what I am saying is younger people are not known for having a stable income, job, educational background, relationship, etc. so maybe that is why you are getting those kinds of responses. But ultimately, only you are the one that knows when and if you are ready to have a child responsibly.
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Thanks to *Sharon* for my awesome siggy! My pregnancy blog

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August 2nd, 2013, 09:23 PM
LUSHaye's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 296
I wanted to wait because...I guess just for some mental preparation. And preparation in general. We had a failed pregnancy earlier this year and that took a while to deal with. I think I had finally come to full terms with it around...April? Maybe May? And I'm still a little cautious about the whole thing.
But waiting to try again turned into a support thing from my SO. Financially, we're pretty much fine. My coworkers were extremely supportive during the loss and I know they'd show the same support the next time around.
I think a lot of the waiting, though, just came from needing to heal.

But I do know what you mean about others contradicting what they're saying. I have an aunt who doesn't want me to have kids AT ALL. She gushes over everyone else's kids but god forbid I have any. I understand where she's coming from since a good chunk of the women in my family are/were single mothers and that's a tough thing. But I have a grandma that had to raise two boys on her own and she described the whole thing as fun. So I'm sure it's about personal perspective and what you feel you're ready for at this time in your life.
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October 7th, 2013, 10:53 PM
taatie10's Avatar New Mommy & Pro Auntee
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northern AZ
Posts: 5,895
We waited because DH wanted time for just the two of us initially, then we want to get a house, and then it was a matter of both of us being afraid of having another loss.

Finally we had no choice but to NTNP due to my having complications on several different BC. We got pregnant within 2 mos.

Everything happens in its own time.

Thank you for the amazing siggy *Kiliki*

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