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Forum: Blended Families

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  #1  
June 28th, 2008, 11:49 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 2,749
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I posted here maybe twice...
I dont feel like a blended family.
But.. I do have a question that some maybe able to relate too...
Hollyanns BIO father sees her every other weeked mostly...
The other day he found out i have a BF.. and He has met hollyann. And he is in hollyanns life OF COURSE. My BF feels me and hollyann are a package deal. and that he wants to be apart of both our lives . He is really wonderful. He is fantastic with hollyann. Honestly i think he treats her better then her own bio father. But i didnt dear say that to either. Though i think Doug (MY bf) Kinda knows how i feel about it.
So the other day he found out hollyann met Doug. And Derek(Hollyanns bio dad) Was aruging about child support and "his" time. and i told him exactly how i felt. And he called me bad names ect. We dont agree on like almost anything.And when he found out that doug met ollyann he basically freaked. And told me oh well im glad we arnt together..you make my life hell...im sick of u treating me like crap..ect./
You prolly dont know my past with my EX but he was very controling and abusive toward me. Hence why i left him (Which it took me over a year to do!). And he doesnt want to see hollyann much. So i told him that he doesnt even seem to want her in his life. And i said Doug is more in her life then he is. And then he ranted off and said well maybe i'll just give up my rights.. I said your an adult .Do what you want. But you are showing me that you dont want to be a dad to hollyann. She needs a DAD not a BABY SITTER.He doesnt understand this.His attitude is i pay child support so im only taking her every other weeked..no ands and butts!!!. You would think he would want to see hollyann as much as possible.. when he can right!? NOPE!. i feel like he is a not fit parent. Anyone have any opinions or advice?
I told doug that derek(Hollyanns bio dad) Said he may give up his rights. And doug just shook his head in discuss!!! Which i dont blame him. Doug thinks my EX is pretty much an idiot. Espically the way he acts. He creates drama alot. Like he txt me yesterday saying "You would be happier if i killed myself wouldnt you?" And he also said" It must be nice to get whatever you want" Then he went on about how he is homeless and its my fault...OMG i could go on but i dont. This is way longer then i intended.
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  #2  
June 28th, 2008, 03:23 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,091
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Your ex sounds angry that you haven't gone crawling back to him. Unfortunately, he's taking it out on your daughter--a common occurrence. Whether or not he actually does want his daughter in his life or not, who knows? However, until he gives up his rights or has them taken away by the courts, he is entitled BUT NOT OBLIGATED TO see his daughter. No one can force him to. If he doesn't feel the need to see her more than a couple of times a month, then don't let it bother you. She is growing up knowing who she can depend on to be there for her...you and your boyfriend. She may someday decide that he isn't someone she cares to see anymore and if that happens, don't force her to see him unless the courts make you. I've always given my kids the choice to see their dad or not. If they didn't want to go see him I never forced them to because it was HIS fault they weren't interested. Of course, my kids were older when I got divorced, too. 10 and 14. Your daughter will eventually be old enough to decide if she wants a relationship with him or not. That can't be forced on his part. He may be able to force her to see him but she will never be forced to care and once she reaches a certain age, will be able to cut off any relationship if that's what she wants. Right now, take it one day at a time. Let him see her when he wants to and if he doesn't, then keep her with you. He's building his own deathtrap as far as that goes. In reading between the lines, what I think you're asking is if YOU should try to have his parental rights severed. No. IMO that is never something a parent should do UNLESS the child's life, health or well being is endangered, which in this case it is not. Someday he may want that. Someday she may want that. But it isn't for you to want that unless he has abused her in some way. Let things go on as they are. He's paying child support and although it may not be much of one he is trying to maintain some sort of relationship with her. It may not be the ideal that we all want for our children but if you separate the two of them and prevent them from having any sort of relationship, it will come back to bite your butt later on. Eventually, she will want to know him. If she does meet him say 15 years from now and finds out that YOU kept her from "her daddy", she will resent you for it and possibly not forgive you.
Anyway, I hope that helps. Good luck!
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  #3  
June 28th, 2008, 04:36 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 2,749
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Thanks for the advice! I should say he isnt paying child support as of yet..but suppose to soon i guess. But in progress i guess you could say. What you said makes alot of sence. Then again maybe he will come around. But unsure..He left her life once for 4-5 months.Like you said i'll just take it a day at a time..and see.
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