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Forum: Blended Families


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September 15th, 2008, 09:05 PM
SFGiantsGirl's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 758
So this year my bf has his daughter for halloween. I don't know what to do. Im not sure what we are going to do. I still have not met his ex. She will probably want to be with her daughter when she goes out trick-or-treating...so this could be in issue. I really want to meet her. I have tried to tell my bf but he always tells me its a bad time, that they have been fighting. So I haven't pushed the issue. I think it needs to happen soon though.
He is also going to have her for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. Its going to be a crazy holiday season. I have my parents that have thanksgiving at there house and he and I had lunch with them on thanksgiving last year and basically missed thanksgiving with his family. So I think this year we should go over his families first and mine later that day. I just don't know how his family will react. They tend to get upset when he takes his daugther away from them to spend time with my family. It is always an arguement. So anyways, I know the real thing that will be hard is Christmas. My family will want me to be there and his family will want him to be there. I don't want to spend Christmas away from him, nor do I want to spend it away from my family. Has anyone had to deal with this. It would be different if we were married, but we aren't yet. HELP!!!
I married my Best Friend on September 17, 2011

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September 17th, 2008, 08:26 PM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the enchanted forest
Posts: 5,257
<span style="font-family:Georgia">This is how me & my ex handle the whole holiday thing, we alternate, unless it's Father's Day or Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve is special to him & Christmas Day is special to me, as is Mother's Day. We work things like that. As far as Easter goes, my son wakes up in the house (for the Easter Bunny) even if it's his father's turn for that holiday but his father picks him up early & takes him for the day.

My DH & his ex wife's agreement WAS different & now works different. They used to SHARE the holiday, in that I mean, my DH would have his son half of the holiday & she'd have the child the remainder of the day or visa versa (but lives close then). Now that we live farther away, my DH has to switch but most of the time the child prefers to be w/ his mother & her family. The only days we have my DH's son for sure is XMas eve & Father's Day, again, for the same reasons.

This is were blended families are hard. I have it on all levels, I have an ex who's wife is part of a blended family & having twins. My DH has an ex who has a significant other who is involved as well as her family. Then there is my DH's family & his parents are since divorced & remarried, so once again, splitting up more time. Before we had our little ones (who are 2 & 9 mos), we used to drive all over creation to accommodate everyone. Now I wont & I can't. My offer stands as "if you want to see us, you'll come over to see us"... My babies need their naps & wont nap anywhere other than their cribs & I refuse to tote everything to a non-child-proof home to accommodate the elderly who don't really care either way.

Last Christmas Eve & Christmas was the first time they understood that & did that, then again, I had just had my baby a week prior to Christmas. The rule(s) will apply the same again this year. Until my boys are potty trained & nap free, I am not driving all over the place. We live far & everyone is scattered into different directions (except my family), and they come to me/us.

It's a hard to thing to work out but it's part of the deal & once you can establish a routine, it works out for the most part. There are times that you'll debate on times for returning the child or getting the child, but that is far few in between that it really isn't an issue at all.


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September 18th, 2008, 05:24 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,091
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I think this wwill be the first Christmas that Tori doesn't spend at least some of it with her dad. She has already told me she does NOT want to go there on Christmas. Frandkly I don't think he has any right to see her at all since he's such a jerk but I've never kept her from him unless it was because of him being so incredibly ugly toward her. Last year she went over to his place late the afternoon of Christmas and stayed the night. This year if he wants to see her at all he can come to the house and pick her up for a couple of hours but she is NOT going over there! He also asked that she spend Thanksgiving with him and she told me she doesn't want to do that either. So, he can spend that alone with his new girlfriend--since her kids are going to their dad's. I'm so over accomodating him with all of this and she's going to be 17 this Saturday so I am not going to push her to see him anymore. Once he starts being a real father to her, she'll want to see him but until then...to hell with him!
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September 18th, 2008, 07:11 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 709
<span style="font-family:Georgia">I used to do the half day of every holiday (except fathers day, he had her) but since mothers day fell on his day and he did not let her be with me, even after I suggested switching weekends, I said forget it. Any holiday on my days are my days and any holidays during the 1st 3 weekends of the month he can have her. I am still doing the half day of easter, christmas, and thanksgiving but the little holidays after that are whatever. I try to be fair but when he didnt let me have her on mothers day all straws were drawn. I only let him have her the main holidays because I want to be fair to Mia.</span>

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September 19th, 2008, 10:53 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 2,749
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I have never been in this situation. So i cant really say =\. Im sure the ladies will have more advice then i would. I would try to equal it out though so no one feels left out. Hopefully both parties can understand. wish you the best...
Single mommy to the most amazing child in this entire world!
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September 19th, 2008, 06:17 PM
SFGiantsGirl's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 758
I know all of this is so overwhelming. Its hard when both families are very strong willed. His family and mine and so it may get very crazy. I don't like dissappointing anyone either. I just hope no one does the guilt thing...but Im sure we will get it from someone.
I married my Best Friend on September 17, 2011

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