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October 27th, 2008, 03:45 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Alberta Canada
Posts: 566
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I am new to this board but not to JM... anyways...
I have a 5yr old daughter from my ex husband...and my boyfriend of 7months has a 2yr old with his ex....the thing is he doesnt see him...Id love to have him in our life but he doesnt believe that he is his...and his ex refuses to get a paternity test done... She has alot of problems,(drugs etc) and child services has been called on her 4times... I really want my bf to push for a test... if he was his, would he beable to go for custody?
I wish he wasnt so stubborn.!!!

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October 27th, 2008, 05:31 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 709
in michigan, the father would have to prove her as an unfit mother(which by what you say she is). Once that is proven the judge will actually (if first offense) allow her to seek counseling and she will have to prove that she is trying and having success. Unfortunately, if the mother doesnt consent to a DNA, there isnt much he could do. My cousins wife played her sons father that way. She wouldnt consent to a DNA cuz she knew he wasnt the father. A ?positive? note, he didnt have to pay child support because there was nothing saying he was the father. Good luck.

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October 27th, 2008, 08:53 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Goose Creek, SC
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Isn't there a way to take her to court and force her to the DNA test? Is he paying child support?
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October 28th, 2008, 06:09 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
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If he's paying child support, I would say that you SHOULD be able to force her to allow the test. Otherwise, she isn't allowing it because she knows he isn't the father. I would think a call to a lawyer is in order if he wants to know. I can't imagine him not wanting to know for sure, though. Why does he suspect he is not the father?
If he is the father, #1, he will have to pay child support and #2 he will be awarded visitation. Let the child get to know both of you BEFORE you try to get full custody. It isn't fair to simply take the child from the only parent he has ever known without warning. Give him a while to get to know you and to bond with you and THEN go after custody. Above all, you need to think of what is best for the child---she obviously is not!
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November 1st, 2008, 06:08 PM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the enchanted forest
Posts: 5,257
Welcome, I am Chantelle, one of the co-hosts here on Blended Families, I am both a bio & step mother so I have it on all levels. Been through all levels of courts, custody, child support, you name it.

Okay... as far as your boyfriend & this child. If he refuses the paternity test (which you didn't elaborate why & you don't have too but I am curious as to why), then you cannot force that on him. However, if he wants the paternity test done, he can petition the courts to get one done & they will mandate that test & it will be done, period. Once paternity is established, at that point, custody (legal) will be established (not physical), then the child support will be established & then medical support. If he chooses to "try" and get FULL LEGAL & PHYSICAL CUSTODY, that's a long shot, unless the mother is willingly going to sign her rights away, no state or court will take a child away from any mother, even if that mother has a illegal past/history or has "issues"... as long as the mother is getting help or "trying"... he can't take her away & the courts have no warrant in wanting to do that either.

As far as him being stubborn. I don't know if that's such the case. I mean, you haven't elaborated much but if he is happy on how things are going, & from what you've stated, it sounds like he is fine how things are, then why stir the pot? There has to be underlying issues as to "why" he isn't trying to fight for his legal rights as a father/parent. Again, I am not him & even if you tried to give that info, it's not something that you can truly give input on as you are not in his shoes. Only he can answer those questions.

In the end. If he isn't pushing the subject/idea, let it be. You have your child, you are happy & he is fine w/ how things are. It's his choice & he is going to have to live w/ the consequences of his choices, if that means not being in his child's life. Either way, it's not your place.

I do hope this help(s). Keep us posted.



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November 7th, 2008, 04:11 PM
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Your boyfriend can take his ex to court and insist on a paternity test. If it is court ordered it has to be done. Also if DCFS has been called on her 4 times you can bring that to the custody hearing along with evidence on why she is an unfit mother. It is a long process and is not easy. I wish you the best of luck!
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November 7th, 2008, 07:11 PM
JustBecca's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Suffolk, Virginia
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I think that you got some great advice from the other ladies. I do not think that I have anything else to add. I just didn't didn't want you to think that I was ignoring you.

Thank you ~* Helen *~ for the best all about me siggie! You are absolutely fabulous!
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