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  #1  
November 20th, 2008, 04:55 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 709
Mias breakfast with santa is dec 6th. Saturday at 11am. Her xmas party is dec13th on sat at 11am. Awesome right? It is her dads weekends and well I dont know if I should have Mia call her dad to ask, or should I call her dad and ask myself. I dont want mia to be heartbroken if he says no, but I dont want her to think its my fault either. More than likely he will say no. Almost 99 percent sure. What would you guys do. Her teacher already told her about them so now shes soo hyped up about it and I dont want to break her lil heart!

Ugghhh... why cant our "relationship" just be NORMAL!!!!
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  #2  
November 21st, 2008, 06:20 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
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Would he consider letting you take her just for those few hours? (could you stand to be in the same room with him if he wanted to go too?) I'd think he would not want to deny her the chance to enjoy either of those two events but then...we all know how that goes, don't we? I'd give him a call and ask. Promise to make it up to him in January by giving him an extra weekend. Explain how important this is to her and how you know he would not enjoy it so you're willing to take her...lol Tell him he can have her the rest of Saturday and Sunday...if it's reasonable, then maybe Sunday night? Or you could pick her up Saturday morning and take her and then bring her back to him when it's over...whatever YOU think is a good solution...otherwise don't bring it up as one. Good luck and let us know what you decide and how it all works out.
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  #3  
November 21st, 2008, 07:52 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the enchanted forest
Posts: 5,257
Okay... this is when sharing a child is hard. I don't have to worry about this cause I don't have visitation issues, he has none.

Does your ex have legal visitation & is it carved in stone (aka, in a legal document?) if so... then YOU need to call him & ask. Do not have her call him. Ask if you can switch weekends, time, be honest & sweet, etc. If he has no legal visitation, you just tell him "this weekend or this day/time I'll have to have her for this event"... period, end of discussion. But I don't know your legal documents & what it entails so that depends on that.

Does she know about these events already? If so, how? Did you mention these events to her before talking to your ex? Did she ask YOU about the events & that how you became aware of them? I am asking you this because when my DS approaches me about an event that falls on his "Father's Time" (even though, once again, there are no legal visitation documents in order), I still try to respect his father's time w/ his son & I always say to my son "this is on daddy's time, we'll have to see if he would be willing to switch weekends or maybe take you instead". I never say "if it's up to me, you can go, but that's all on dad"... because that makes dad look like the bad guy (even if he might be)... you don't want to paint that picture to the child, no matter how true that picture may be.

Remind your ex that being a parent has nothing to do w/ things that HE wants to do, but it's all about the kids & them enjoying their time, which usually entails us parents doing things we don't want to do (i.e., these upcoming events). Again, put it in empathetic way, not "if you were a good dad" or "why can't you see what's best?" don't go there. You want the dialogue to be open & friendly.

BUT... leave your child out of the middle. This is between you & your ex, two adults CO-PARENTING, not a child in the middle, as a go-between trying to feed the guilt. Don't do that to the child. This is a adult issue that needs to be resolved by 2 adults. End of story. And as far as "if" he says "no".. after your talk, don't go back & say "dad said no, if it were up to me, I'd say yes, guess you can't" do not go there. Just say "sorry dear, this isn't going to work out, we have other plans going on". Kids will go w/ the flow if you do too.

Keep us posted & good luck, hope it all works out in your favor.
~C
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  #4  
November 21st, 2008, 11:24 AM
JustBecca's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Suffolk, Virginia
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Ditto to what Chantelle said.
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  #5  
November 21st, 2008, 04:15 PM
merkelsgirl
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Just tell him what she has going on and that she has to go. If he says no, keep her that weekend. This is obviously important to her.
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  #6  
November 22nd, 2008, 09:22 AM
Ellemphriem's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Dreamland...........
Posts: 2,644
Quote:
Ugghhh... why cant our "relationship" just be NORMAL!!!![/b]
These situations are never normal sadly maybe you could try something else....? Like ask him to come also? Or even better ask him to bring her over in the do? And then take her away? That way he wish is fullfilled and she also gets her daddy during the weekend


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  #7  
November 22nd, 2008, 02:07 PM
merkelsgirl
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Wouldn't it be nice if we all had normal "relationships"?
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  #8  
November 24th, 2008, 10:07 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 709
okay, first i want to say thank you for all your responses. No updates as of right now just, yes he does have legal visitation as in they are ordered by the courts. Mia found out through school that there was going to be partys on these days, I didnt even know til the next day after she had mentioned them, until I looked in her backpack. I would call but anytime I do, its a no alltogether unless I do what he wants which is keep her for like four days in a row, stopping him to have to pay child support for that month. Or, he will try to get me to go to switch his visitation around. (to get her more, but for the wrong reasons). If I say no I am not going to do that, its a no. Hes very controlling and when it comes down to it, if its not benefiting him financially, he doesnt care! I am not sure how he will react to mia. Im not sure if he will say ok or if he will say no and the way he has been doing things is, saying no because mommy wont do this or mommy wont do that. Either way its him to make me into a bad person. I dont know if this is even worth it. I dont really know what to think!

thanks again
amber
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