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Forum: Blended Families


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January 17th, 2009, 01:57 AM
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I know I popped in awhile back and then never found my way back. Things have been crazy here. Plus I am kind of a political junkie and well anyway, lol.

Here is a refresher about me:

Christy age 37 married to Jarrod 40. Dh has 2 sons with his ex of 17 years. Kyle who is 19 and Elijah who is 5. I have one daughter with my ex Samantha who is 4. DH and I have 2 children together. Lilly who is 20 months and Isaiah who was just born on 11/5.

My situation is more settled. I seperated from my ex when Samantha was only 6 months old. My ex had 2 other children that lived with us and well he was verbally and physcially abusive to his son. I ultimately called DCFS on him and we got divorced. I have my daughter 100% of the time and he has supervised visitation. At first it was a nightmare, but now 4 years later things are going pretty well.

My dh's situation is a total nightmare. We met right after dh and his ex seperated. Once she found out he was dating me all heck broke loose. He was working with his attorney on uncontested divorce. She ignroed all that and filed contested divorce papers claiming adultry. Anyway his oldest son was sold a bill of goods by her and no longer has much if anything to do with his father. He barely even acknowledges Lilly and Isaiah even though they are his brother and sister. It has been a horrible situation for my dh. We met in Nov of 2005 and in August of 2006 I found out I was pg with Lilly. She refused to sign the divorce papers. Finally after Lilly was born she signed. What she signed though was just the divorce. All other matters including custody of their son Elijah was pending. They just had their last court hearing at the end of October 2008 and we still have'nt heard. Their divorce has gone on for over 3 years. She has had "temporary" sole custody of their son this entire time. The laws in our state are not kind to fathers and the courts in our district won't generally award joint custody by the judge. This has been a terrible ordeal for my dh who feels like his rights have been ripped away. And now she will probably win custody becaus ethis had dragged on forever and the courts like to go with status quo. He has even had to pay her alimony this entire time even though she has a good job, a degree and worked outside the home before all this took place. This situation has put a huge strain on our relationship and dealing with his ex is very difficult. She uses Eli as a ploy to get back at dh. They had almost 50/50 time with him for a really long time, but she got it changed and now dh only has about 37% of the time. This is better than what is called "standard" visitation but it is still hard for him to be away from his son. She talks bad about me to their older son and has turned him against his dad. The gardian ad litem that was appointed by the court even noted this in her report and told her at the last hearing that it had to stop.

I don't have a great relationship with Elijah (his 5 year old). He has never really warmed up to me, even after all this time. He is a good kid and I don't have any behavior issues with him. Especially when dh isn't around. I mean he does typical kid stuff, but nothing terrible. I wonder if his ex says stuff about me around him as well. We try very hard not to say anything bad about his mother within ear shot of him. DH doesn't want to come between him and his mom.

I know that dh and I made a huge mistake in getting together so soon after his wife left him. He should have file normal divorce papers as I told him instead of what he did. The process took sooooo long because she kept changing attornies and asking for more insane things. We should have heard back already from the court because they said 60 days and it has been longer than that. BUT we haven't. Now though we can't change the past and have to deal with what we have. I woldn't take any of it back because my daughter and son are so wonderful and I would never change that.

So, that is me in a nutshell. I know, the drama but after reading some of the posts I know you all will understand. Any advice is greatly appreciated. I want our family to have the best possible chance. How do you deal with such an unreasonable ex. Someone who will sign their kid up for private school without even consulting his father. etc. What can I do to foster a better realtionship with Eli even if he is being poisoned at his moms.

Thanks everyone and look forward to getting to know you all.
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January 17th, 2009, 07:15 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the enchanted forest
Posts: 5,257
Hi Christy, welcome I just wanted to quickly let you know that I am so excited to meet you. My name is Chantelle, I am one of the co-hosts here that is lucky enough to be around all these wonderful gals. I am a bio-mom of 3 boys as well as a step-mom of a boy, 4 boys in all. My first son is from a previous relationship, my DSS is from my DH's previous marriage & together, DH & I had 2 son's.

Any who... I have it all from all areas. Everyone here has either BTDT or are actually in the middle of it right now. People here are honest & will tell you like it is to help you, not to hurt you. We try to assist you from the pain we've experienced & hope that you can have it better than we had it.

I want to post more & respond to all the details you've written. So I'll write more later. I have to run for DS' BBall game but I'll get back to you soon I promise.

In the mean time. Welcome!


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January 17th, 2009, 10:10 AM
JustBecca's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Suffolk, Virginia
Posts: 3,058
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Welcome. I am Becca one of the co-hosts. I am in the middle of lunch and then I have to run to my MIL's...go me. And I will be back tonight to write something of value. I just didn't want you to think that I didn't care about your post.

Thank you ~* Helen *~ for the best all about me siggie! You are absolutely fabulous!
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January 17th, 2009, 01:58 PM
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Thanks ladies. It is so hard for me to talk about with others because I feel like it is such a soap opera, you know.
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January 17th, 2009, 06:21 PM
JustBecca's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Suffolk, Virginia
Posts: 3,058
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I am STILL at my MIL's. I think we are all a little soap opera every now and then and sometimes it feels like that is all that we are!

Thank you ~* Helen *~ for the best all about me siggie! You are absolutely fabulous!
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