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So sad, mad

Forum: Blended Families


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January 25th, 2006, 12:27 PM
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January 25th, 2006, 08:11 PM
magilatuzzi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Vancouver Island, British Columbia
Posts: 4,599
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I can somewhat relate on a smalle scale though. I know there have been times we have had plans (New Years for example) that had to be changed because his ex was going out and needed him to have the girls.. which really annoys me cuz she woulda had to get a sitter for the baby she had with his exbest friend... anyhow... I am actually waiting to see what happens this fri as we are supposed to be going out. I can see being upset, but go ahead and have your baby shower! Enjoy yourself! Maybe splurge on yourself something... and I have learned not to make myself over available if you kwim... not always so easy to jump to his plans. If you want to chat, feel free to pm me or I am [email protected]
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DS Drew, 04/94, DS Braden, 10/97, DS Nick, 07/99, DD Danika 07/06, DD Gabriella 11/07,
DSD Rayelle 03/97, DSD Seryna, 06/01
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January 25th, 2006, 09:27 PM
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When my DH and I first started dating, his daughter was only 1
at the time. And it was frustrating that he would change his plans
to accomodate for EX so that he could see her. I don't know what
your SO's EX is like, but...I know that my DH didn't and doesn't
want to jeopordize not being able to see his daughter.

It's probably difficult for you since his son is 6 years old and is at
the age where he needs a father figure...a role model very present
in his life. I know what it's like to feel like your having to share

The only advice that I have is this: You have to ask yourself...
Would you rather be dating someone who's a deadbeat dad
and didn't want to have anything to do with his child?
Or one who is going to make an effort to spend time with his son?

I'm not saying that what he's doing is justifiable because you are
also carrying his child.

Maybe remind him of that fact, let him know that you would hope
that you and your new child together will be just as important.
Most importantly, take a deep breath because the hormones can get the best of you!!
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January 25th, 2006, 09:33 PM
magilatuzzi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Vancouver Island, British Columbia
Posts: 4,599
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well said!
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DS Drew, 04/94, DS Braden, 10/97, DS Nick, 07/99, DD Danika 07/06, DD Gabriella 11/07,
DSD Rayelle 03/97, DSD Seryna, 06/01
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January 26th, 2006, 07:53 AM
Posts: n/a
thanks guys!

i do feel a bit better today. plus last night he kept calling and i was getting my hair done so i didn't answer. finally he sent a text and asked where i was. i reasponded....bed. talk to you later. well he called and i pretended i was asleep and he could tell i was not enthusiastic at all to speak with him. and he finally said, well this probably won't be a good conversation so i can talk to you tomorrow. i was like, bye, click.

i sent an email this morning...it went like this..

"I just wanted to let you know how sad, and frankly, how hurt my feelings are concerning my bday weekend and our plans.

It just reinforces once again where I stand. It's not even the point of going away, it's the fact that it was more important for you to accommodate your ex so she could go away, rather than keep your plans with me.

What about our plans? It doesn't matter that the plane tickets weren't figured out yet, we had plans up until she said she wanted to do something and she had plans. We have been talking about this for weeks, ever since you asked me to go once your sons 'schedule' was figured out. A schedule which worked out perfectly for everyone in my opinion.

It's just very upsetting that you were more than willing (without even having the respect or common courtesy for me to discuss it with me first-or even mention that you were going to change our plans) to throw our weekend away, so she could go away for ONE night. That's the worst part, I don't even matter enough to be told of this change until it had already been done.

I was so upset yesterday. Not because of the weekend being thrown away, but because I STILL don't figure in and matter enough in your life to take my feelings in consideration. "

the best part is weve been together for 4 years basically. but i've never felt like there was true, true commitment because i always felt dumped when it came to his kid. but i also need as much attention as a child sometimes!

he got the email, but didn't respond. but he never does. but i really don't think thats why we aren't going away. i don't think he'd bag our weekend to help her go away really. but then again, he is supposed to tell her about my pregnancy this weekend i think and i think he has been trying to butter her up and stuff. she will probably freak.

and you are right, i'd rather have someone who is not a deadbeat dad. i do admire his dedication to his son, but i also need dedication. i also believe that for things to work with he and i, we have to put each other first then kids. i don' tknow. it's so hard. i don't know how anyone make a blended family work. i really don't.
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February 1st, 2006, 11:59 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,310
My DF and I both of children from previous marriages.

Our motto is "the children come 1st".

God bless my DF because he totally gets shoved aside for Lucy. I feel bad sometimes but I told him from the beginning that was the way it was going to be.

My children (including the baby with him) will always come 1st.

Now that being said, I am sorry that your weekend got canceled. Even though I believe the kids come 1st, I still get disappointed when something comes up.

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
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February 3rd, 2006, 02:45 AM
MommieinNC's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,119
With this, I can only say thank gawd my current partners son is right at 30y/o...

But... I still have to accomidate to him... I believe the children should come first... However, I also believe that some (not all) exes take advantage of this...

Sad... But I totally understand... I really do, having dated men with kids before...
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<div align="center">Kit and Cari out to dinner (10/7/06)!
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February 4th, 2006, 07:15 PM
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 97
Amyla, I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I will say that I don't think it is ever one way or the other, I don't think that the kids should always come first and I don't think that your relationship should always come first. I do believe that you need a strong and healthy relationship that the children can feed off of. I know I am going against the grain here. I think that even when both parents are bio-parents they don't always put the children first, and not in a bad way. It is a respect thing that he discussed that with you. I am childless stepmom (due to deliver our first this year) and it is not easy, you have to GIVE and TAKE, sometimes give more than take. Hang in there, it gets easier. . . I have many a shattered plans!!!
AIDAN ROBERT born 9/9/06, 4 weeks early, 7lbs 5oz!!
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