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Forum: Blended Families


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March 6th, 2006, 08:02 PM
JuneBug2006's Avatar Forever missing Gracie
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Vancouver Island, BC
Posts: 5,897
I don't often post on this board but do frequent it quite often just to browse.......
But I need to vent...so here goes...

I am currently pregnant with my first with DF.......... I have one 8.5 year old son from a previous "donation" relationship. My DF has a 12 year old daughter, whom he has only gotten to know in the past 3.5 years (long story there)............

Anyway, my problem is with a relationship or (marriage) that my DF was involved in prior to me... After the mom of his daughter left him (she was 2 months pregnant and moved to a different province), he met this woman who was 3 years older than him and she had 2 young kids (aged 2.5 and 4.5)...... After he dated her for less than 8 months, her dad approached him and told him that he had to marry her or leave because otherwise it would hurt the kids.....
So he married her...........
8-9 years later, the kids are 12 and 14 and she decides to cheat on him numerous times with a co-worker.... He leaves.........

We meet a short time later and become inseparable.... We totally fell in love instantly and have building our lives together since, although plans kinda got shifted and we are doing things backwards.........

I am not entirely sure what my problem is but I don't like these 2 kids that are hers........From day 1, the youngest one (who is now 15) has hated the fact that I am with his "dad" and pretty much has nothing to do with us when it comes to family gatherings and stuff.... I suppose it doesn't help that his mother has brainwashed him into a LOT of things as well... The oldest one is alright and I don't mind him....
BUT I don't see them as DF's kids, just step-kids; no different from DF'srelationship with my own son.....
DF totally sees them as HIS kids and I just cant.........

Anyway.... He is with them right now to tell them the news of our pregnancy..........I am sure it is going to cause a big stink with the younger one because he is really quite immature........
I told DF how I was feeling and he reassured me that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks and that "junebug" is our baby and he is so happy about it and nothing will ever change it.................. I just know that this is going to cause problems for him because now his ex-wife will try to take him for child support for HER two kids and she has already taken enough from him by the separation and stuff............

I just wish they were actually HIS kids because I know I would feel differently than I do........

His daughter is just wonderful and although she moved again to a different province in September, I think she is the greatest little thing! She even asked me if DF and I were getting married nad if I was going to be her step-mom.... My son adores her and everything.......

I know I am being a ###### but please thanks for letting me vent my little heart out!
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March 6th, 2006, 09:34 PM
Posts: n/a
Sorry that things aren't going all that well.

However, you should feel proud of your DF, in my opinion, for continuing the relationship with his long-time-step-children. It's a good man that will continue to have that kind of a relationship with children that aren't his, biologically (heck, there are lots of BIO dads that can't say they continue to see their children!!) There are not many men that are as commendable as yours. You seem to have found a rare man.

My DH is a father to my two older children, even though they are not his biological children, and I'd like to think that if anything were to happen, that he'd continue to treat them as such. They don't know their sperm donor, so he's their dad, and they let everyone know it (they correct people who refer to their SD as their dad, and tell them he's only the SD, but that my hubby is their DAD).

I hope things get better for you soon. Don't let yourself get stressed out--it isn't good for the baby!
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March 6th, 2006, 10:34 PM
MJONES's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 1,734
I understand how you feel. Try not to get to upset. Look at it positive, he is a great guy for standing by those kids( as many birthfathers don't even do that) and that is really incredible. He is going to be a great father to your little Junebug too!
The kids will adjust. It is unfair to them that their mother brainwashes them with negative thoughts, she should realize how lucky she is that he is a part of thier lives. Did he sign birth certificates or acknowledge paternity? if not, a simple DNA would exclude child supprt. I am sure it is a touchy subject because of the kids.
PM me if you ever need to talk ( or vent)!

Ethan Hunter, Ava Madison, Achilles Ryan

Sept 2, 2006
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March 7th, 2006, 09:55 AM
JuneBug2006's Avatar Forever missing Gracie
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Vancouver Island, BC
Posts: 5,897
Hey guys, thanks for replying........

I guess I am upset because I don't see them as Junebug's brothers (stepbrothers) or anything like that... I mean, there is no relation and there is definately no relationship between them and I....

Another big concern for me is my own son.......... I don't want him to be treated differently......
He used to want to call DF "dad" because he does not have a relationship with his father....... Sometimes I feel that my son is left out...........

I dunno.... I am probably just a big idiot!

I am happy in a sense that he still talks to them and stuff, but I just can't see them as being anything but her kids, not his......
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