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Forum: Blended Families


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April 9th, 2006, 05:57 AM
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Ok so let me give you a little bit of the background story here.. I left my ex hubby in 2003.. The first few months after I left him I had every intention of going back me leaving was just a 'scare' tactic to get him to stay home with my son and me more.. Well a month a half later I find out he was sleepin with someone else(we were still married at this time too).. Ok so there went me going back.. Well for the first year and a half he would sometimes go a month without seeing his son who was 2 at the time.. He would call and cancel or make up excuses as to why he wasnt getting him.. Never called to check on him or anything.. Then I had to move back in with my father because I lost my job.. Then it went to well Ill come get him one day a week for the night but, 80% of the time he'd come and get him at say 10am and then call and say well me and his new gf have something to do so Im gonna drop him off at 4-5pm.. Ugh.. So Im like whatever.. In the meantime ex hubby and i got divorced ( the day we went to file he dropped the bombshell on me his current gf was pregnant couldnt take care of his own son but yet was gonna have another).. I have since met someone and remarried.. Well my current DH is in the military and I told my ex that I wanted to move to where he was stationed.. At first it was nasty.. He was screaming at me telling me how I was taking his son away from him and bleh bleh.. Now is it just me or for almost 2 years prior he would go weeks or even months without seeing his son..Then it went to once a week if him and his gf werent busy.. but, then all of a sudden he got all pissed off and suddenly wanted to see him.. So then my ex started threatening to take my son away from me.. Even went to talk to lawyers and everything.. Well a month or so before I was supposed to move he called me and said.. I dont like it but, Im going to say its ok for you to go and sign papers at the court saying Im no longer constesting the move.. Im like whew good now I dont have to deal with that stress.. Well everything has been fine for the last year since I moved.. My ex and I have even been on good terms.. I recently had a baby and he was very polite and even asked how I was doing during my pregnancy.. So I thought all the fighting and everything was over.. Well the other day I get a phone call from my ex because my son is going back there to visit this next weekend.. He starts yelling at me saying how I took his son away and how he wants to be there for his son.. How I have some other man raising his son.. How his dad wasnt there for him and he wants to be there for his son.. he doesnt want to be the dad who lives in another state.. he said I actually wanna grow up with my son.. how all of this was my choice to meet someone else and move states away.. He actually said.. well maybe one day Ill just go get a lawyer and take him away from you and see how you like it.. Now mind you he would lose..(has no job and his past visitation history wouldnt help) But it still breaks my heart that he would even say that to me.. I make every effort to get my son to visit him as often as money permits and there are breaks from school.. Im obeying my court order.. I even asked him well what do you want me to do about it.. Not like I can go back in time and fix everything that went wrong.. And not like I can pack up and move back there to make him happy.. I have a new life here.. Its not fair of him to do this to me a year later.. If he was going to do this he just should have fought me in court for custody and gotten it over with.. Im just stressed out to the max with everything thats been going on lately.. Oh and wanna know the best part.. Say my son goes there for a week.. Know how many days out of a week that hes at my ex hubbys? maybe 2 or 3 and thats pushin it.. The rest of the time hes at his grandfathers(my dads).. Know how would him fighting for custody benefit my son? He would wind up pretty much not living there and staying with my dad all the time.. Not to mention I dont think his gf likes my son to much.. I honestly believe shes mean to him because hes mine and my ex's child.. Ugh I just hate all this fighting and stress.. Sorry if this is long I just needed to vent..
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April 9th, 2006, 06:32 AM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: chicopee ma
Posts: 15,513
im sorry you have to go through this ((hugs))..your ex isnt thinking about the well being of his son...personally i think if he cares about him soo much he wouldnt even try to fight u in court and let him stay with you..you were the one that raised him while he was with his new girlfriend and not even bothering to see him son..him being around his stepfather is a good thing so he has a father figure and not grow up like his dad..if he wants to see his son more often maybe he should take plans (buying plane tickets/renting a hotel) to go and visit him son instead of u always having to send your son to him...i really hope his new girlfriend isnt being mean to your son...if she is jealous because he is yours and her boyfriends oh well she needs to get over that fact...i really wish i could help u more...i was on the different end..i was talking to a guy who was living with his girlfriend(said he was only there for his child) and she ended up kicking him out and we got together...he sees his daughter everyday (before his ex stated saying lies and now its in court) so 3 years later here i am with a baby boy on the way...i really hope things change and if you ever need to talk feel free to pm me or vent as much as u like here

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April 10th, 2006, 10:20 AM
~Katie~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 15,110
I kinda went through the same thing about a year and a half ago. I have 2 kids from my x and it did not work out and I married my now dh who is military and he said he was going to fight and blah blah blah...well in a later conversation he told me a lawyer would not even touch his case unless he had like 1500. up front. And I did hire a lawyer and he was like they are not going to take your kids bc he wants to. I'm sorry you have to go through that...it is no fun. My x tells me everything yours tells you...I blow him off anymore...I started telling him if you want to see them more then the order come up and get em...he is like I don't have the money..but yet he has money to buy a house, a car, and take a trip to Jamaica. He just wants to fight...

I get tired of the fighting and stress too sometimes....
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