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DF's ex-wife is pushing his buttons!

Forum: Blended Families


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April 23rd, 2010, 06:42 PM
pmdc5286's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: GA
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We are not getting DF's son this weekend. It is agreed by all of us because it is an extremely long weekend here. My son, who is 13 is in a big archery tournament tomorrow. It is a statewide archery tournament and could very well last 12 hours or so. Jonah has to be at work at 4 tomorrow until Midnite. His DS is Autistic, ADHD, and bipolar, and the tournament will be way to much on him. Mom and dad both agreed on this. It would be just me as the only adult going. Jonah is staying here as he has to work. Both of my kids are going. He just got out of the hospital for 10 days for psych reasons. We have a big scout camping trip next weekend. We are leaving on Friday at lunch time going camping. We were planning on picking him up at school on the way as we drive right by his school. He is in a behavior school. Mom is now keeping him out of school Friday and sending him over here Thursday night because he is too much trouble and getting on her nerves! This is a kid who just missed a week of school for crying out loud! Dad told her he needs to go to school. She is accusing him of not wanting to spend time with his son! He is on the verge of just getting him and putting him on the bus from here. The only problem we are forseeing with that is my kids are out on spring break and where his school is not, we think he may have a melt down about having to get up and go.

She told Jonah last night at work that he can have him from the day school lets out for the summer until the day school starts back next school term. She constantly yells and screams at him and in a voice mail the other night when he was trying to tell his dad to call him so he could tell him good night you could hear her tell him he was retarted. This is a child that just got out of the hospital for suicidal thoughts. He is mentally delayed as well. I don't have a problem having him in my home AT ALL. She is just pushing his buttons. He is so happy when he is here and has so many fewer outbursts than at home. Dad thinks it is the change of environment. No one yells and screams at him here. Just a vent.

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Last edited by pmdc5286; April 23rd, 2010 at 08:03 PM.
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April 24th, 2010, 07:09 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,310
Oh wow! That's tough!

At 1st I was thinking, I bet the mom needs a break - autistic, ADHD & Bipolar??? Any of those alone is a lot to handle but all together

But then I read more & you said she called him retarded. There is absolutely NO excuse for that.

It does sound like he's better of with you & your dh. Poor kid.

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
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April 24th, 2010, 12:10 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,041
Poor kid! I could understand needing a break as that would be a lot to handle, but there is absolutely no excuse for calling any child retarded, let alone your own! It sounds like your home is always open so I have no idea why instead of yelling and calling him names when she gets stressed, she doesn't ask you guys to keep him an extra day or something along those lines.
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May 3rd, 2010, 10:23 PM
We love Grace-Elizabeth
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 767
Can I as how old your stepson is? Just curious because my daughter is also Bipolar, ADHD, but she also has OCD and sensory disorder. She is 10 yrs old. She was DX in first grade three years ago. I am APALLED that you stepsons mom would speak to him that way. Children with chidhood bipolar stand a very high chance of self esteen issues and suicidal attempts. I think you DF should seriously sit down with his ex and explain to her that a child with mental illness cannot be spoken down to PERIOD no reason no exception no matter how much they push your buttons or act out. Sounds like you are doing exactly what should be done for him. And as a parent of a child with Bipolar and ADHD any all day event is overstimulating for them and should be avoided at all cost! JMO sorry for the vent this just hits close to home!
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May 4th, 2010, 08:04 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the enchanted forest
Posts: 5,257
Ex's can push buttons, and sometimes not. Sounds like her home is a hostile one & that's why your home is less of a battle. It's really sad to hear that this screaming & yelling has to be a way a child is raised. When people fight, scream or yell in front of a child or to a child, it changes who they are. They are miserable & end up feeling like everything is their fault.

Is anyone involved in Family therapy w/ the child?

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