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Hi im new here... but is anyone else "friends" with the ex wife?

Forum: Blended Families


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May 17th, 2010, 10:37 PM
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 309
Hi. Just to introduce myself a little. My name is kim and I have 3 boys with the fourth on the way. My oldes son passed away in Dec 2008 at the age of 3. Jon is my 2nd boy and he's 3 1/2, joey is 11 months and me and BF are expecting our first aug 1 2010. BF has been married before and is now divorced (thank God) and has a 4 yr old son from that marriage (TJ). Is anyone else "friends" with the ex wife? I don't consider myself friends with her but we do get along well. I talk to the ex wife more than my BF does. In fact, he never talks to her unless I'm not around and he has to. Now, my exs new wife is a total disaster. Mind you, I have 3 kids with this man and he marries a woman who doesn't like kids and doesn't want kids. WOW! But anyways, he's moving to Florida which is 18 hours from us, to make her happy. So much for seeing his boys. But anyways. Just curious!

My fiances ex wife is recently single again and I'm scared to death that he is gonna go back to her. That would completely crush me. She cheated on him and that's why they seperated. I just hope I don't loose him. We've been together for a yr and a half now. he helped me through the loss of my 3 yr old son. He died in a car accident about and hour after leaving my house with my aunt that cold night and I wasn't notified til almost 11 pm, **** near 6 hours after the car wreck.
But anyways, sorry that was so long... and confusing
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May 18th, 2010, 06:38 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the enchanted forest
Posts: 5,257
Welcome Kim, glad you found us.

I am Chantelle, one of the co-hosts here on BF's, I am both a bio & step-mother. I have a son (9) from a previous relationship, my ex is married & has twins babies (1 yr), then my DH has a son from his 1st marriage (12), she (the ex) has no stability in relationships. Together, DH added 2 more boys to our marriage, ages (4) & (2).

As far as getting along, I would say that I do get along w/ my ex's wife, and that I too speak to her more often than I do w/ my ex. 99% of the time she makes more sense than my ex, but we don't talk about milestones or money/child support really, those issues are left to me & my ex.

As far as me getting along w/ my DH's ex-wife, my DSS' bio-mom...negative. She's a nut job, crazy & out of her mind. One minute she is nice (when she wants something) and most of the time she's a royal biznatch (because she gets her way w/ my DH all the time and if she wants to ruin a family gathering, she will do EVERYTHING that she can to do so).

When you talk about ex's & their choices in new wives or girlfriends, they're our ex for a reason and we can't make them choose a good partner, we don't handpick those persons to be in our lives. It's something we have to sort of deal w/ on a civil level to make sure the kids don't feel the tension, in a perfect world that is.

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your son, how sad. I don't even know what I'd do.

Congrats on the expecting of your new child w/ your new man. I hope that things fall into place as you want them too.

Do you & your boyfriend have legal dockets in place for visitation, custody & child support? Is that all done? I ask b/c these are usually the major issues for people, and if it's in black & white & done legally, we tend to have less issues, not always but most of the time.

Again, welcome & if you need anything, you can PM me.


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May 18th, 2010, 10:36 AM
AndyBee's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Gresham, OR
Posts: 692
I wish we got along. From everything I hear about bf's ex, she and I have quite a bit in common. However, she's a freaking nut job! She'll freak out over the tiniest things, and refuses to even be in the same parking lot as me. Maybe over time things will change, but right now I don't ever see us speaking to one another.

As for your situation, relax. Talk to you bf. Tell him your concerns. I'm sure he'll end up confused, and then laugh at the thought of them together again. She's is ex for a reason. Remember that.

Take care.

Special thanks to AlexAiden Mommy for my precious siggy
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May 18th, 2010, 04:50 PM
myblueyez's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 2,121
Hi Kim!
First off, I am so sorry to hear about your son, I could not even imagine having to go through something like that..

As for SO's ex, we actually do get along quite well. We have some common interests we can talk about and I even babysit her daughter she had after her and SO split....

About your concerns with your DF and his ex, I agree that you need to sit down and talk to him about it... She is an ex for a reason....
Killing Time - my blog

~~Thank you to Jaidynsmum for my awesome siggy!~~

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May 18th, 2010, 10:32 PM
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 309
Well, thanks for the words of encouragement ladies. This is the first real relationship that i've had since i split from the father of my prior born children. i mean, I've been on a few dates and things, but nothing serious. Terry (fiance) and I are very happy and i really don't see him going back to his ex but I love him so much and deep down there is a small part of me that does worry. Me and my ex do not have legal documents in place for visitation but for child support yes. He is moving off to florida on june 14 and he knows cause i've told him that if he doesn't file with the courts before he leaves, he def wont get visitation willingly from me like i do now.
as for the fiance and his ex, they were married and its in their divorce documents with their son. Thank god cause she is crazy but we do get along. Its nice to know though that i'm not alone in the world with this situation.
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May 19th, 2010, 06:17 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,310
Welcome! I'm Kris the other co-host.

1st I'm sorry for the loss of your son. That must have been nearly impossible. I'm glad that you had your df to help you get through it.

I know how you are feeling. This past weekend Dh went to visit his kids (they live 4 hours away from us) and his ex told him that her dh & she are probably getting a divorce. I had the same thoughts as you about him getting back with her. She cheated on him too multiple times but she has some pull. They were married for 15 years. Plus since the divorce, he barely gets to see his dds so..... I'm 99% sure she'll try something because she's already being nicer to him than she has in a long time & she's the type that can't be alone - 1 guy after another kwim?

But dh was like "heck no! I love you & I'm happy with you! and no way would I ever go back to her."

As for getting along with her - no way! I never talk to her & haven't ever been in the same room with her. A lot has happened & I plan to keep it that way.

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
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May 19th, 2010, 10:10 PM
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 309
Well, I talked with him earlier today about my concers, because she is exactly the type that can't be alone and according to my soon-to-be- mil, everytime tiffany seperated form her bf, she would always try to crawl back to terry (df). she hasnt really wanted to be with terry from the get go, they got pregnant senior yr of high school and her parents kinda forced marriage. so ya know, it only spriraled down from there. she has been through a crap load of men since terry and her split. He said that he won't go back to her cause he loves me way too much, i'm a much better wife and mother than her and he's with me plus he said he can't trust her where she cheated on him. Really sad story, their son stayed in their room and his crib was literally at the foot of their bed. Terry came home with a steak dinner and flowers for her (he worked 2nd at the time and she didn't work so dinner was around 11 for them) and he caught her in their bed in the house he was paying for with their not even 1 yr old son in the crib awake at the foot of their bed. So, he says he doesn't have anything for her and doesn't want to live his life worried whether or not shes screwing around on him. So, I feel better after that conversation but the thought still pops up every now and then and i worry.

Thanks for all the nice thoughts about my son. Its still a daily battle. My aunts birthday is today. She was the driver of the vehicle and it was a double fatality. My son and her are buried side by side. If i knew hwo to I would put photos of the head stones. But I can't figure that out. LOL. But ladies, I think i'm gonna head to bed for the night. I've grown really fond of this website. I'm also on ddc of august. Our son is due aug 1. so excited about that!!! :-))
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