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Welcome Cayles!

Forum: Blended Families


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June 7th, 2010, 07:41 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,310
Welcome! Glad you are joining us!

I'm Kris one of the co-hosts here. I'm married to Bryan. We have 1 son together who just turned 4. Bryan adopted my dd from a previous marriage - she is turning 8 next week. Bryan has 2 dd's from his previous marriage - 11 & 15. The 11 year old is great with all of us. The 15 year old has chosen not to be part of our family .

I'm looking forward to getting to know you better.

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
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June 7th, 2010, 10:53 AM
Brighteyed & Caffeinated
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,444
Send a message via MSN to mommy2olliebeans
Hi Kris :-) Thanks for the welcoming!

I'm Caylee. My husband is John (we just got married in January). We are raising John's daughter Jasmine together and eventually I will probably adopt her. Jasmine is 28 months old (January 2008) and her biological mother has not been involved since Jasmine was 3 months old. John and I have been living together since May 2009 with our girls.
My daughter Gracie was born in July 2006. She died in November 2009 after being on a ventilator in a PICU battling the H1N1 virus; she was in the PICU for 3 weeks, although sick for 4 weeks total.
I also have a 13 year old son, and John has a 13 year old daughter. My son is living with his dad until the end of the school year and coming back here as it isn't working out; we did a trial for the school year to see how it goes. John's daughter lives with her mom and has visits with us.

Even with the lack of an EX to deal with, in John's situation, we have great BIG problems trying to blend our family due to his mother being a huge instigator of our problems........ She feels that Jasmine is her daughter because she helped John take care of her when he got custody of Jas when she was 4 months old, and I guess she believed that John would be single for the rest of his life and that she would be taking care of his household forever.....
It has caused extremely serious issues in our house and it sucks. I sometimes am seriously wondering what I got myself in to.
C, mommy to:
4 kids - 3 with feet, 1 with wings
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June 7th, 2010, 11:21 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,310
I'm sorry about your daughter Gracie. I remember you now from the June 2006 DDC. I was there for a while since my ds was due in June. But then he was born in May and I moved to the May 2006 playroom. I can only imagine your loss.

Oy on the grandmother situation. Yeah it's just like having the ex around - well maybe worse because it's your dh's mother.

I know what you mean about wondering what you've gotten yourself into. Right now we are relatively quiet because Dh's 15 year old refuses to come to our house. They live 4 hours away so Dh goes ever so often to visit them. There was a time last year that I was ready to pack it in because it had gotten so bad. I'm sad that Dh doesn't get to see his dd very often but I do have to say that our lives are much easier without her drama.

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
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June 8th, 2010, 07:45 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the enchanted forest
Posts: 5,257
Welcomes Caylee, I am Chantelle, the other co-host here on BF's, I have as on from a previous relationship (he's 9) my DH has a son from his 1st marriage (he's 12) together we had 2 more boys in our marriage (4 & 2). I know the whole BTDT in regards to court battles, child support, visitation, custody, people not being nice, putting the kids in the middle to use for their benefit, you name it, I've seen it. And honestly, after all these years, something WILL come up, I don't care how nice you are & how great a situation can be, there is always going to be conflict b/c you're trying to "blend" a family, and I truly don't beleive you can "blend" anything, the others come from other environments & backgrounds/beliefs, it causes a lot of turmoil b/c we don't agree w/ the other person's "ways"...and so on.

Moving forward, best advice about dealing w/ an ex is to try to be their friend, and if they refuse you as a friend, and just can't be an adult about things, you need to stay as far away from her as possible. Stay out of the arguments & don't even go there. I "try" to do that UNTIL it involves my banking account or my kid's schedules, once things start to disrupt my family & schedule, putting food on my table, I have no problem saying how I feel & putting my foot down. It's hard to get along w/ any ex, I get along w/ my DS' bio-dad & his wife, his wife more so to be honest. I do NOT get along w/ my DSS' bio-mom, she is a nut-case, literally... it's her way & no way. I try to let her believe that she is getting her way, I ignore her calls, emails & anything else she tries to do to communicate w/ me, b/c it's never b/c she's trying to be nice & make things better. As a result, I've learned the hard way that she is poison in my life. Perhaps one day she'll grow up & we'll be able to talk, and be true...but she's almost 40 so I doubt that after all these years she hasn't changed, I don't expect her to change now.

Back to our group on BF's... you have a place to go, talk & vent, rant, which ever you want...you can also PM me if you want to talk behind the scenes (if you're uncomfy posting on the board). We've all been through or are going through your current situation, we've all had a different approach but in the end, we all pretty much have the same result/problems. We're a no frills group, you wont see many posts about "what's your favorite ice cream or jello flavor"....but sometimes they'll pop up. Any who... welcome again...we all look forward to getting to know you better.


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