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So we're the punishment???

Forum: Blended Families


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July 22nd, 2010, 10:13 AM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the enchanted forest
Posts: 5,257
For those of you who don't know me well, to make sure you understand this story. My DH "was" married for 3 years to a not so very nice person. Long story short, since I came into the picture & we had kids, married, house, all that jazz. My DH who "used" to have his DS every day practically, now rarely sees him even though the court order is for DH to have his DS every other weekend. Long story short, that NEVER happens, he doesn't want to sleep over, cries like a baby (he's gonna be 13 & talks about sex & having a girl friend but cries for his mommy like a big baby).

Recently, my DSS (who I get along w/ fine) decided to walk out & "run away" on his bio-mom. My DH talked to his ex, and his DS, long story short, DH said that she (the ex) & her parents (the grandparents) baby him. Which is 110% true, so sad but true.

I came up w/ the idea of "why not take him for the week?" DH is suppose to have his DS on the weekends & for 2 weeks for a vacation every year. I suggested it b/c it would be in the summer, no school issues or other things to do. I'm home, no big deal. DH called his ex, and long story short, she said "I grounded him & he's going to spend the weekend w/ you"...

First of all, the child is grounded, she works during the day, but instead of sending him to our home, she would rather allow him to be home alone (as if he wont be going outside, playing on his PC or doing things that she claims he's grounded from, idiot). The bottom line is she doesn't want him alone w/ me, she doesn't like me. What ever... don't care what she likes or doesn't like. I don't waste my energy for her.

My issue is that the child (my DSS) is being grounded & sent to our home like a punishment for the weekend! That is WRONG! The child shouldn't view our home as a "prison" or "punishment"...he should be coming here anyways & to tell the child that he's coming to our house after he made a mistake & is being punished, is indicating to the child (DSS) that we're the bad guys, and this is a home to punish him. I do not like that at all. This house is NOT a jail or something. KWIM?

I am trying to tell my DH that he should be talking to his ex & making sure that their son (my DSS) understands that "Yes" he is being punished...BUT...the fact that he's coming over for the weekend has NOTHING to do w/ him getting into trouble this past week, that it's because he is suppose to be w/ his dad & to spend time w/ his other siblings every other weekend, period. But no... they want to make this a "bad place" to go "a jail" instead.

I'm disgusted that my DH isn't seeing this for what it is. Hello? I mean, seriously?

No advice needed, there's nothing that can be done to change but I had to vent b/c I am sick w/ the thought that we're the "jail" or "sentencing" for this child's punishments. Do you guys have this on your end?

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July 24th, 2010, 07:24 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,310
That is just wrong! I'm so sorry!

How frustrating!

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
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July 24th, 2010, 07:48 PM
Daisyfields's Avatar Platinum Super Mega Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the enchanted forest
Posts: 5,257
FYI...he's here, been since Friday, still here... I'll update more on Monday. This is the longest he's EVER been here, literally since we bought this house over 4.5 year's ago.

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August 19th, 2010, 03:51 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 2,749
Send a message via Yahoo to sweetiez
oh my goodness.. im sorry! horrible... *** is she thinking??
Single mommy to the most amazing child in this entire world!
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August 20th, 2010, 08:44 AM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 13,499
Oh wow, I thought I had a winner on my hands. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that.
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