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Trying to figure this all out..

Forum: Blended Families


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December 7th, 2010, 08:20 PM
teacherinlove's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 2,388
A little background: I have been with my husband for about 2 years. He has a son and I have a son, now we have a blended family. His son is with us every 4 days.

I am trying to figure out the blended family concept of holidays. If I offend anyone, I am sorry and that was not my intention.

This will be the first Christmas where we will not have his son for Christmas. My husband wants me to not take any holiday pictures, such as picking out the christmas tree or decorating so that his son will not later in life ask why he was not there. I feel that by actting this way it is not allowing my son [now ours because he adopted him] to have any photographs for memories. I am about 5 months pregnant and am wondering will all the Christmas's that his son is not with us be like this because I feel it is not fair to our other children.

My other question is about the actual act of opening presents. My husband wants to have Christmas early and have us open all the presents on December 23 [the last day because he leaves for his Mom for Christmas]. I feel that we can open a few presents before Christmas, but not all of them because I feel this is not fair for our other child and children to come.

I am really at a loss as to how to treat this topic. I understand it is extremely difficult and painful not to have your child with you for Christmas, but what about the other child/children? Do they just get forgotten every other Christmas?

Thoughts/Opinions? Thank you.


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December 7th, 2010, 10:57 PM
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Last edited by loveneverfails; August 21st, 2012 at 06:31 PM.
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December 8th, 2010, 08:50 AM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Taneytown, MD
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That is difficult and I understand how your husband must feel. The first Christmas morning I woke up with my older two at their dad's house was really difficult for me. We always split the actual holiday, so they came home by noon on Christmas so not having them for any part of the day was never an issue for us.

Have you talked to you DH about how you feel like you're cheating your son? In my opinion if your stepson has two Christmas celebrations (one with you and one with his mom), then your son is really cheated. Perhaps if you explained it in that way, your DH would understand how you feel better.
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December 8th, 2010, 10:04 AM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 13,499
We never have DSD for xmas so we always just do our own thing and then let her open her gifts when she we get her which is usually the day after. I would talk to your husband and let him know how you feel. Find out if there is a way to meet him half way. Like just open up your step sons gifts early so your husband doesn't miss that with him. Good luck to you.

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December 8th, 2010, 10:58 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,310
Welcome! Don't worry about not know how to do it all. Those of us who've been at it a while still don't have all the answers.

I disagree with your dh completely. Just because his son can't be there doesn't mean your son has to miss out on everything. Yes, there will be pictures you dss isn't in. But he will also have a whole set of pictures that you & your children won't be in. It's the way of blended families and he'll understand.

What we did when my dh's dds were younger (they are 12 & 16 now) and we didn't have them for Christmas, was to have a normal Christmas with the 2 that were there. And then have a separate little Christmas with them. They got their gifts from us plus my 2 kids got little gifts to open too. We couldn't split the day because they lived 4 hours away.

In our family, Santa only delivered gifts to one house. If they were with their mom, she played Santa. If they were with us, we played Santa. It wouldn't have been fair for them to get double.

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
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