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It makes me sad yet happy

Forum: Blended Families


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March 21st, 2011, 12:15 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 2,090
A little back story...

My SO has custody of his son. He always has, as the mother has her periods of not being fit for full custody. She has had to sign other children over to the state, but these were not my SO's children. She has frustrated me before because she doesn't do things as I believe she should. IE... she doesn't have her son on some nights because she's in a bad mood, she "can't handle" him sometimes (btw their son is 10), just overall she doesn't act as most mothers I know. This isn't bad! I'm not looking down on her, its just not what I would do. I just wish she would do some things differently... maybe be there for her son more, contribute more financially (no child support or anything), but meh, my SO is fine with it so it's not really for me to say anything, anyways.

Well their son doesn't always express interest in going to his Moms house. Their son never asks to call his mom to say goodnight, doesn't ask to stay there on nights that aren't his arranged days, I think you get the idea. He is just infinitely more times attached to his Dad.

Well yesterday I stayed the night at my SO's house, and we pick up his son and he's all "Is Jenn staying tonight?" and my SO says "Yes," and we hear his son in the back seat say "Yes!" he never expresses happiness like that towards his Mom.

Today he was getting a soda, and he asked me if I'd like one too. I said no, and so when he walks away my SO says "Hes been quite enamored with you lately!" I said that I had noticed.

When my SO has to work and his grandma can't watch Wes, he comes to my house instead of his Moms.

I guess my point is it makes me happy he likes to spend time with me, yet it makes me sad he doesn't have the same feelings for his mother.

Just wanted to get it out here... I'd never say anything about it to my SO, though he makes his own comments about how he notices he is the "favorite" parent over the mom!
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March 21st, 2011, 10:57 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 772
I see how you feel that way and I would feel the same way. Our boys ages 10 and 2 live with their mother full time and we get them every other weekend and pretty much else whenever we want..so far she's been very willing to work with us on that, she has yet to say no yet (we are an active bowling family, well not me right now due to an injury, but we travel alot for tournaments and corb (our 10 year old) bowls too and sometimes we are gone one to two weekends a month). When we have them, corb never calls her at anytime during the weekend, if she comes to watch a tournament or league (which she will come to league more than the tournaments) he wants nothing to do with her. His attention is not focused on me though its all about his dad, he is very very much a daddy's boy and every sunday when we take him home, he immediatley goes into his room at his mom's and cries for a while because he says he's not sure when he's gonna see him again. The rare times when we all (parents and kids) are together and i see how he acts towards her it breaks my heart...i told him one night," why don't you call your mom to say goodnight" (something my dad and stepmom used to let me do when i had to visit them) and all he would do was shake his head no so i quit asking.

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March 21st, 2011, 12:52 PM
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 88
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It's good that you are there for him and doing what you can to make him feel at ease. I came into a relationship with my now husband, our past and life long history is another story on it's own. But he has a 4 & 9 year old from a previous marriage. It was easy for Wes to bond with me as for Lilly it took her time but I understand why because she thought I was coming int to take over and I kept my distance but told her, if she needed a talk or wanted to call her mom, etc. I would be more than happy to try and make it happen as the best I could do. Her mom is into some bad habits, drugs, lack of being there, etc. It's a long history on that and we are going through a custody battle and hope to have it sorted out soon. She really needs to clean her act up and get clean before she can be a roll in her children's life but that is just my personal thoughts because I watched her bring them down. We are going through counseling and trying to work through it all. the point I am making is, no matter how much you try and change someone, you can't, you have to wash your hands clean and just let them learn on their own and focus on being a good parent for this child.. Always encourage things if it's safe environment for the child and just be supportive as you can. Lilly has came around and realized allot since and it's good when she comes to me when she needs to have a girl talk or needs advice on things, wants me to help her with her hair, etc....
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March 21st, 2011, 02:46 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 2,090
Oh yeah we encourage being there for his Mom... in fact sometimes when he is grumpy and it hurts her feelings my SO explains "It's okay to feel that way but you need to remember it hurts mommys feelings, so you cant let her know how you feel." He just forgets sometimes.

It is a good environment though... she had her problems in the past which is why my SO has custody. He would never hesitate to stop visitation if she started those things up again, but I truly think she has changed. She has her moments, but at the same time... don't we all have our moments? lol
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March 21st, 2011, 03:56 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Taneytown, MD
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How sweet! I'm sure at 10, he knows who really has his best interest at heart! Keep up the good work, mama!
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March 21st, 2011, 04:20 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 2,090
Thanks Miss
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March 21st, 2011, 06:32 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,310
That's awesome! I totally get it. DSD live with bio mom & her old sister absolutely hates me. I feel good when DSD she say that she definitely want to come & stay with us. Dh always works Thanksgiving & the entire weekend. Last year dsd (12) came to spend it with us even though dh wasn't around much. At the end of our visit she said "I'm definitely coming back next year and spending Thanksgiving with you!" Made me soooooo happy!

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
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