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A long history with a question

Forum: Blended Families


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June 16th, 2006, 09:23 AM
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I have a question to see if anyone has delt with this.

My ex husband is my son's father. My hubby (the one I'm with now.) has basicly raised my son since he was 6 months old. Since My son was about 6 months old my ex has only seen him 3 times since christmas of '04 and maybe 5 times between us seperating in Oct. of '03-christmas of '04.

Now he has been in boot camp and went to korea for 9 months-1 year. and now he lives in CO. So I do understand how this is part of what has kept him from seeing his son. But he doesn't even send birthday cards, pictures, letters or calls his son.

Now I've asked him once if he would give up his custody (I have full physical custody, we have joint legal) so that my husband could gain custody and so that we can better get what my son needs when he needs it. It took me over a year to get dental from my ex for my son (its maditory that he provides medical for his son since he is the military and claims his son) and it took me about 6 months to get my son's id and medical insurance once we seperated. And there are still things that I've asked from him that I've never gotten for my son, POA for my son so that i can sign military forms for my ex instead of waiting for months on end, oh and daycare forms for the military daycare.

He refuses to give up custody. point blank. He says that my hubby isn't going to take his son from him . I told him when I asked him to give up custody that he can still see and communicate with his son, and that he would no longer have to pay for childsupport, but he still refuses.

on a side note, he just started paying for his support thru the state, which he was supposed to be paying thru the state from the start. Since the state said that he owed all the money, I sent the state all the payments that I personally received from him but he still owes over 1,000 in past due support payments and interest. Now that its being taken out of his pay and he is at a new command he has gone to legal and is trying to say he has too much coming out of his pay, because he pays regular monthly support plus a little over $100 more for the state. He is trying to get out of paying that extra but i know he hasn't told legal the reason they are taking out that extra. I don't think he is going to suceed in getting anything done about the extra coming out, but thats just the type of perrson he is, trying to get out of stuff.

Anyways, my question is what do you guys suggest I do. I would much rather my hubby have custody then collect child support.

I know that my ex isn't going to stay in the military, and i know that once he gets out he will not let the state know what his next job is , and mostlikly will not pay child support on time.

Should I just wait untill he gets out and is behind on support again, to ask for custody. Or should I get paperwork drawn up and just send it to him?

Sorry this is so long, i just don't post her too much and just wanted to ask.

One last question what if he trys to get custody from me? Is it possible for him to just take my son?

thanks for taking the time to read this.
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June 16th, 2006, 09:31 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
Posts: 18,951
I know one thing for sure, if he's not doing what he's supposed to, you can contact his CO and rat him out. My brother was in the army and told me that they are required to take care of their families and if they don't, you can contact their CO and they will make them do it. I would look into that. I don't think your ex can get custody. It's very hard for a father to get custody unless you are just breaking your custody agreement left and right. If he hasn't show that much interest in him until now, they will let you retain custody. The only thing I can tell you is to contact an attorney and see what you can do, but I don't think your dh can adopt him without his father to agree to it unless he's such an unfit father that the courts severe his paternal rights. Good luck.

Thanks Jaidynsmum for my beautiful siggy!
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June 16th, 2006, 04:28 PM
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yes i've contacted his command on 2 occasions about things that he hasn't done. one time the command blew me off and the other time they helped me.

See i just have this feeling that when he gets out of the military that he might try to come back here and try to get custody of our son. Which i would not want or feel comfortable with.

I know that as soon as he gets out of the military that my hubby can claim my son as his and then my son can be on his medical and such, but we cant do that untill my ex gets out of the military.

Ok well i guess I'll have to go to an attorney and talk about the custody stuff.

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June 16th, 2006, 04:30 PM
docsmomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Anaheim, CA
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I know here, when my ex quits a job, Child Support Services finds him using his SSN and starts garnishing his wages. It takes a few months, and we've done it about 1-2 times a year, since he always quits within a month of medical benefits.

Also I know of a few people who have gotten parental rights severed because the non custodial bio parent never called, wrote, or saw the child for 2 years for no reason. I would talk to an attorney about that. My closest friend had to do that last year when her daughters bio-dad spent 2 years avoiding paying child support, and never once contacted the daughter, even when bio-mom sent him the contact info. And the one time they "ran into" each other (literally, car accident), he said he would never see their daughter or contact her but refused to allow her husband to "take" her away from him. The courts saw that he wasn't exercising any of his parental rights and deemed it in the best interest of the child to terminate them and allow my friends husband to adopt.
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June 16th, 2006, 05:24 PM
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"In the best interest of the child" thats my thing with my son, My ex wants to have rights just so that he can play dad when ever he feels like it. At one point it was to pick up chicks, no joke. now its so he can get an extra room in base housing. The last time he saw our son was right after christmas, and he said that he would like Nathaniel to come out and visit for a month or two ,I said OK but wasn't too keen on the idea and kinda figured it would never happen anyways. So when he went to his new base he told them that he would have his son for part of the year and there for needed a bedroom for him. He hasn't once contacted us about this trip. the only contact that we've had is with his wife and thats because she wanted to send Nathaniel a few pictures, that was in Jan. Now on the other hand I've made contact with them and have made Nathaniel and my ex's wife's daughter (from a previous relationship) each a quilt so that my ex can write on it and iron on pictures for each of them. But I've done this and other things, so that down the road i can go to the courts and say, 'hey , i've tried making contact and keeping the lines of communication open, but he still hasn't talked to his son or what ever' plus i'm also just trying to be the better person.

If it were up to me I would just have my hubby have custody and when my son is ready to know who his real father is, I'd tell him. but right now, 'this man by the name of daddy' comeing in and out of his life once a year is really confusing for him. I feel bad because he doesn't even know what a daddy is, he thinks its just a name.
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June 16th, 2006, 06:27 PM
appifanie's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 1,962
(its maditory that he provides medical for his son since he is the military and claims his son)[/b]
i'm stuck on this part. my dh (who's in the army) pays child support and has insurance for his son and isn't able to claim his son (i assume you meant on taxes, right?).
Olivia Grace ~ October 26, 2006 ~ 6:04a.m.

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June 16th, 2006, 07:47 PM
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(its maditory that he provides medical for his son since he is the military and claims his son)[/b]
i'm stuck on this part. my dh (who's in the army) pays child support and has insurance for his son and isn't able to claim his son (i assume you meant on taxes, right?).

No, sorry I didn't mean taxes, I ment putting our son on his page 2 and claiming him as a dependant.
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