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Summer Time... need... thoughts?

Forum: Blended Families


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April 18th, 2011, 07:57 PM
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So... husband's ex is saying she wants the kids all summer. She did this last year. She never told us when, it never happened. She's putting on US, as to what dates to what dates... the eldest doesn't want to stay with her all summer. MAYBE a month, says the eldest. Which, goes along with the custody paperwork, as I'm fairly certain (though I need to dig it out) that their mother gets them half the summer, and we get them the other half. Either it's half, or she gets two weeks. I can't recall. Definitely not the whole summer.

Eldest also has classes here that she wants to take. Mom is saying she'll sign her up for classes over there, but I'm guaranteeing she can't find some of these classes. Plus, there's no point in enrolling for Tae Kwon Do for ONE month, just to switch to a different teacher, etc. There's also a few classes I wanted to get youngest into.

We've offered to pay for HALF of the ex's plane ticket so she can come out there, it'd be better for the kids. They could take their classes. The youngest is JUST NOW calming down and not being a brat. That sense of stability is just now sinking in for him. I think it'd upset the balance a lot to move him from here, to there for 2 months, back to here. I think it's time for her to grow up, put her big girl panties on, and come out here to visit her kids.

We need to know this SOON so we can get the kids enrolled for the classes during the summer. She's dragging tail.

What do y'all think? What would you do?

obviously they need to see/spend time with their mother. I don't see a point in forcing it on the eldest, when she only wants to for a certain amount of time. There's a lot of background and history there, so I know why the eldest is saying this. I still think it's best for her to come here. Easier on them, so they don't have to fly twice in one summer. Especially with the TSA crap going on. KWIM? Better for the youngest's sense of stability. Better so they can participate in their classes.

Keep in mind... it's been over a week since she's spoken to them right now. This is not unusual.

Edited to clarify the custody paperwork for summer length.

Last edited by Arachne; April 19th, 2011 at 12:20 AM.
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April 18th, 2011, 08:37 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 2,394
As far as length or whatever, what does the orders say for length of summer visitation? Just judging based on our situation and other stepmom friends (custodial and non) the papers usually give summer visitation guidelines. Ours gives specific dates, others I've heard about say "must give X number of weeks notice and receives X number of weeks"...

As far as the elder not wanting to go for the same length of time as BM wants, that one's touchy. My opinion is court order should *always* come above everything else. If the child truly doesn't want to spend as much time as the court has allowed, it's up to the child to independently let the non custodial parent know this, without any prompting or whatever in the background (not that i'm saying you would but just giving my full perspective on the situation in general not specifics...) If the non-custodial has their own reasons for enforcing visitation, whether they fully explain what they are or not, then court order should be followed. Then if the child wants to push it, attempt to change the court order.

Is there anyway you can talk to the place that holds the summer classes and explain, generically, the situation and see if you can get a partial refund if she decides to take her visitation? That way if she takes her visitation, you wouldn't be out any money and if she doesn't, the kids don't have to miss out on the classes?

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April 18th, 2011, 09:22 PM
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I need to dig it out, I'm fairly certain it's half the summer. It's definitely not the entire summer. Either it's 2 weeks out of the summer, or half of it. We sent her an offer, it's for slightly less than half of the summer(by a few days), but it still allows for the eldest to do her classes, and it gives her enough time to come home, get adjusted, get prepared for school, and go to her school open house. It also means, if their mom backs out, she's got classes for at least the first half of summer, and we can figure something out for the last half.

As far as the eldest telling her mom things independently... she does. Her mom blows her off. Harasses, nags, and tries to manipulate. I'm certain she'll tell her mother this, too. I doubt it'll be heard. Though, since I am positive it's no more than half the summer, it doesn't really matter.

No, the summer classes are set. There wouldn't be a partial refund, and the classes are most definitely not cheap. Even if we did get a partial refund, we'd still be out the other half, because their mom pays zip when it comes to extra-curriculars.
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April 20th, 2011, 08:59 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 2,394
That sucks they won't work with you considering the circumstances. With blended families being so high in numbers, you'd think more places would be willing to work with it. Maybe we're lucky, but most things my stepson's been a part of has been willing to work with his being in a blended family. The football program he was in last year told my husband that while they started practice really early, they allow kids to start late because of vacations and visitation schedules. Is a nice practice.

Good luck with all this.

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April 20th, 2011, 11:53 AM
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I think your offer sounds more than reasonable and I would wait to see what she says/does. I'm sorry she's such a pain in the butt.

(Also, sorry for not responding sooner, been crazy couple of days!)
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April 20th, 2011, 12:20 PM
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I have no advice, but wanted to say I hope everything works out so the kids can enjoy the summer and do what it fun for them.
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April 20th, 2011, 08:32 PM
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 196
I think your compromise is reasonable and I wouldn't budge past that.

I can't believe she goes a week without talking to her children. Disgusting. I think you are being more than generous - maybe too generous given her lack of concern for the kid's current summer plans and her history of a lacking of follow through. Yuck.

Worst case, you point to the CO and tell her to deal or see ya'll in court...
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