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Do you give a definite time to pick up the kids?

Forum: Blended Families


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May 9th, 2011, 12:40 PM
Rachel's Avatar Just Rachel
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Taneytown, MD
Posts: 115,721
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If we say between 6:30 and 7:00 and show up at 6:50, shouldn't they be ready to go?

Last night we waited in the car till 7:30. Yes, 40 minutes. I was annoyed. We got home at 8, Daniel hadn't eaten and all three needed showers/baths and bedtime is 8:30. She knows this. I think she does it intentionally.
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May 9th, 2011, 01:21 PM
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 196
It's a really passive aggressive move - many people indeed do that intentionally.

The majority of our exchanges are during school time. For instance, we will pick up SD after school and vice versa. Once and a while BM will pick up here, but that's rare. She gives a time and usually calls if she's running behind. It's never been an issue for us, thankfully. (although I really hate her picking up here...)
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May 9th, 2011, 01:29 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 13,499
Yes we give specific times because we're both traveling for at least 90 mins one way. But yeah, that's a passive aggressive move.

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May 9th, 2011, 03:52 PM
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Agreeing with the other ladies. That'd frustrate the hell out of me.
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May 10th, 2011, 12:03 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,310
We deal with that & it's particularly frustrating because they live 4 hours away so the 1/2 point is a 2 hour drive. But the ex has to be in control.

The worst incident was when they said "we're going to meet at 2". Dh had the day off and it was in the middle of the week. His car was in the shop so he dropped me off at work & the kids off at daycare. And then at noon left. Planning to be back in plenty of time to pick me up & work & the kids at daycare by 6pm. When he got to the meeting spot (a restaurant), he called his ex and she said they hadn't even left yet So he had to sit there for 3 more hours with nothing to do.

On top of that he couldn't make it home in time to get the kids from daycare by 6pm. So I had a friend drive me to the daycare - which was 35 minutes from our house. She couldn't give us a ride home because she didn't have carseats & neither did I - they were in my car. I sat outside on a sunny 90 degree day with my 1 & 5 year olds. I was soooooo angry!!!!!

If she had just called to say they were running late, dh could have pick me & the kids up early & then went.

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May 11th, 2011, 10:39 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 2,394
We're on the receiving end. Before they moved, we had 6-6 F-Su visitation. Since they moved out of state, we get him whenever the flight she arranges lands until whenever the flight she arranges takes off. (she pays all travel costs so she arranges flights) The court papers do give guidelines though. They tell what day we're to get him and what day he's to go back. After that it depends if she's driving or flying him as to when he gets here.

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May 21st, 2011, 08:36 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,041
My BF's ex drives me crazy with this, but honestly he's not much better. They use the system of "I"ll let you know when I'm in town" which with me being a little bit of an OCD planner, I don't deal with very well. Most of the time, I just let the issue go because life is about choosing your battles, but when I do have appt's or things that I have to do at a certain time, it makes it extremely difficult.

I have spent buttloads of time waiting in the car only to find DSS dirty from head to toe, extremely overtired, and in his words "starving to death" at about 9 pm when he has preschool the next day. Extremely frustrating for us and it's only hurting DSS to have to stay up later just to get a bath and something to eat.
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